Along with just being a beautiful song, some really wise human words
"And under a sun that's seen it all before
My feet are so cold
And i can't believe that i have to bang my head against this wall again,
But the blows they have just a little more space in-between them,
Gonna take a breath and try again"
Yesterday I got really angry at humans:
Adults who shirk their responsibilities, and miss opportunities because they are afraid.
people who are trapped in their emotional manipulations, their drama
parents who reject their kids and blame everyone else
The suffering is so unbearable sometimes. The ache in my back. The fire in my stomach. The pressing of my eyebrows together so tight that I get a headache.
None of this is my stuff to carry. I have to remind myself of that. I am doing it because I think it is easier than just acknowledging the truth. People are in pain, I am hurting because I see so clearly, I can't do more for them. Systems reset to homeostasis. It's too early to see if it is a new one. You have to sit with the pain, acknowledge it, thank it, let it go.
There are so many reasons this stuff provokes suffering in me. It isn't all them. -Even the conversation last night, as I tried to avoid the hurt, my mom said she didn't understand the amount of inner turmoil I was experiencing as a child. Didn't know my mind was on fire. I become this child in a world of people who don't experience my pain, and when I see it in these kids, or in grown adults (EG why mike shouldn't date), I can't stand to see them suffer alone. But me joining them doesn't help if I can't step away.
Today I take a breath and try again, not to change or control, but to see, to acknowledge, to thank, to let go.
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