Venus in Sagittarius

Yesterday I wasn't having the greatest of days.  I think I have another dental infection. I don't really want to eat much. I am not sure what I am doing with my life. I went to the second service at church, and for the second week in a row nobody wanted to talk to me during the service (people place their hand over their heart if they want to take the time alone). It felt like a weird rejection, and left me sitting with my own thoughts and feelings and an awareness that I never really know what's going on with other people. Like, they may really be going through some stuff and now is not the time to open up. I often wondered if I should do this during that part of church and always decided it would be better to be social even if I am anxious.

I continued with that path yesterday, saw Rachel and Illy, stayed social. Had discussions, watched a movie, stayed out rather than spending the day in my apartment. It was good. Its good to connect with people.
When I got home I watched some more HBO and felt dissatisfied. Eventually I noticed I was surfing facebook and wanting to connect. A new picture. Jealousy. Heart ache. I prayed for god to be with me and all the people I have ever loved. I went to bed ok.

This morning I am in pain (dental shit). I don't know what I am doing with my day. I had a dream about her. I watched a video about my venus sign tarot for the week and it talked about cutting away the person (mentioned pisces twice) that has been fooling me. Recognizing the relationship isn't a good vibe and instead seeking out more of the high vibration relationships I've been enjoying lately.
It was weird how accurate it felt. And how I didn't want it to be.

The heart protects even against its own healing.
I've been thinking a lot about how our patterns are not just the behaviors themselves, but the underlying motivation. That motivation doesn't have to be what is conscious, or visible, or positive.
Why do I seek out situations where I am ignored and have to prove myself?
Why do I choose relationships that aren't healthy and I am bored by those that are?
Why do I continue to fight for them, when they aren't fighting for me?
Is it just my ego trying to satisfy itself?   Is it a soul contract. Is it time to let go forever?

Mike you were left as a child, ignored as a child, didn't have your needs met, you figured the only way to get people to love you is to be useful, to give in, to sacrifice, even when they didn't want it. Fighting them hasn't worked, so you remind them they are lovable, so you whimper and beg and become bitter with hope that they'll do the same in return. Some people won't ever. And it isn't your job to help them see how they are hurting themselves.

The universe wants to teach you this lesson. Let it.