What Your Home Says About You...

One of the discussion M and I had before dating was about making a home. I found it easy to make a home with her. We had similar styles, similar desires for cleanliness, and appreciation for minimalism but with some thought.  I don't make my space much of a home. I feel weird about inviting people over, I don't hang stuff on the walls, I don't decorate nearly enough. It functions. It functions ok... but isn't very 'homey,' I wonder how much of this is a lack of self knowledge, or a desire to not project my 'self' into the space, to not take up space, even in my own apartment. Maybe I want to make room for someone else, make it have some purpose or meaning beyond me. Maybe I just don't care enough about myself to want things to be aesthetically pleasing.



I've been asking the universe for a partner who is spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and sexually compatible. I read it on someone's instagram post and thought, yeah... but now I try to cram all these other desires into those. Like, values... is that covered by spirituality? where does desire for activity go?  on Bumble they say nightclub or Netflix, and I can't imagine going to a nightclub anymore. But I desire someone who is social and can get me out of the house. Where does "not offended by my picky eating habits" go? Where does "has some interests in common" go? "A similar life style?" "no dog?"

I find myself sorting through people on dating apps as if there is some right fit, but the truth is it doesn't work like that. You meet, you find out.

M and I thought we had spirituality in common, intellectually and emotionally and sexually we were compatible at times, and other times totally incompatible! life style?  I always wanted her to slow down, to take better care of herself, to dedicate time to us... she always wanted more adventure, more fun, more work (Anything to stay busy?).   But when we were sitting around the apartment, or out for a walk, or eating dinner, watching netflix, I felt like we were very compatible. I would have done it the rest of my life.

I struggle with this idea of -How do I take a shot, without over reaching...?

I am normally too cautious. Ok, I get that. But if I am not cautious enough, what

happens?