long weekend begins... here's some complaints

Ok I will try to balance some of the complaints. Life is a series of small ups and downs. Ultimately I am not feeling very much meaning right now...

Today so far has been one of those days where I might as well have not woken up.
I have the day off.
I tried to do a little bit of work, but haven't really invested in it.
I bought a computer because I've been thinking about it and I was bored, so I went to the store but they had a long line. It felt like the world has changed totally, and I might as well become an online shopper so I went home and bought it and it will be shipped in a few weeks. No going back now.

I think I might get some work done. I might watch some more Jane the Virgin, which has been like 3 hours every night.

No one has called or texted, and I am not hanging out with anyone till I get my covid test back.

Pete and Susan had a baby!

What else????
Sometimes I think that the reason I don't find anyone attractive or interesting is because the universe is trying to keep me from jumping in with the wrong person while they prepare the right one. Or at least until this throat/tongue infection goes away. Couldn't kiss anyone right now if I wanted to.

I've been bored and lonely, it leads to drama in my head.

It's like 95 degrees out and the air quality sucks, so not only does my throat hurt, but my eyes hurt too.

Probably take a nap. See if I wake up with something on my mind. This weekend would be the perfect time to read/write. But I am too busy watching bullshit on youtube and being mean in my head.

I've been thinking a lot about how my romantic relationships are so anxiety provoking. How I am always nervous that I will upset the other person... and I've been seeing these relationships where the people know their partner is flawed, and love them anyway. Want to curl up next to their imperfect partner and exist with them.

I think it must be hard to be my partner. I have this growth mindset where anything can be improved on... that doesn't necessarily mean I expect it, but maybe I don't cut the other person enough slack... I don't think they realize I adore them, and that it takes effort to not be gooey.