The mcdonalds and starbucks signs visable from the airplane window hundreds of feet high notified me i was back in an english speaking country. Not that they dont have those in other countries but they dont seem to take as much pride in displaying them so gracefully in the clearest of areas in those far flung regions. Quotes from famous writers greeted me as i moonwalked on the moving rubber pathway. The custum's agent asked her questions suspiciously, a sign of things to come.
My flight plans secured (manana i leave at 3:55 and get to chicago at 6:30, landing at the home airport at 9:45, completing my eighth and final plane trip this journey) i exited the station the slow train to victoria, still trying to save money at every step.
The old dark houses of london and all its heavy clouds threatened to stifle my joy until the homeless entertainer entered and sang songs in english for "hostel" money. he should move south, move to barcelona, life is easier. Buskers welcome.
10 mins in wait at victoria station.

The evenin standard (or whatever its called) yelled LONDON ON FULL TERROR ALERT!! this as i was quickly walking away from victoria station, the alarms still ringing in my ears, sort of like that jazz hip hop club i visited the night before(the story u probabaly read before this)

So anyway london is being london, and victoria station is fine for now, but heathrow (the airport i fly out of) has 450 soldiers on guard so im thinking i will go early and harass them. or just make sure i get on my flight.

Hmm so is it worth it 5.90 for fish and chips? i mean seriously thats like 8-9 bucks right now, doesnt even include a drink. Maybe i can find a cheaper place.

Be home manana. one more post on a seperate topic above this....

The story of the jazz night. (this will be long and boring, and may even seem like I'm complaining a bit, which i might be but i had a good time.)

So we were all sitting around the kitchen table, at the hostel new york. We being me, a new yorker, a man with a german passport, a japanese guy, a japanese girl, a guy from plymouth (england) a guy from winnipeg, (we bond over winter, spelling of that fair city?) a nice girl from ecuador (use to know how to spell that)and of course the jersey man, (thats old jersey, channel islands, talks with an english accent but its closer to france than england)

So anyway, were all sitting around making fun of texas and such, the governor (el bush) and just u know chillin, when all of a sudden jersey man tells us about this club he is going to that has improv jazz (what i would call a jam session) anyway hes going cuz he loves jazz and even plays a bit, and if the mic is open hes golden (not that i know what he plays). So he heads out bout 10ish, the rest of decide later to meet up with him but we dont leave till like 11:30, which about the normal time in barcelona to head out to the club or bar you are gonna go to. (because after siesta they have work, and after work they have drinks and tapas, and after that they have a meal maybe and then they go out clubbing, and then they get a falafel, or gyro, or kebab, or whathave you. So we walk there, they are all drinking what looks like a forty. German passport guy (hes not fond of his country) decides to piss on a national monument, which i dont think he realized had a anti war banner on it (he probably would have pissed on a different national monument had he noticed.) And then we get to the club, which looks a bit fancy for a group of poor drunk backpackers. But they let us in, tell us where to find a table, german passport guy orders their cheapest bottle of wine for the table, and we all settle down to take in some jazz. (right, sarcastic) So first off i notice the guy on sax is on his solo time, which isnt too bad, but after 5 mins i notice the others are getting irritated, and hes completely off track. I mention this to the table, and new york guy, who is a bit of an elitest says "you see jazz is all about (some word i cant remember start with a c)" and then goes on to say "you see its like the band plays a song, and then each member take their turn to go crazy and go way off into something else, but they always come back and play the song again." and i didnt say it out loud but i of course was thinking "thanks for the jazz lesson pal" only in a grimmer tone. So anyway im trying to let him have his way, hes done stuff like this all night, so i just keep following the music and the sax guy does not return to the song, he warps the band members into playing with him and then stops abruptly leaving them a bit lost, so they start a new song. New york guy is not paying attention, then as the new song begins the bass player starts off on a solo, and he say "see now its the drummers turn, no wait the bass, yeah the bass!" and i was like yup. Anyway the wine came, and so they all had a glass of cheap bad red wine. And then they complained about it, saying how for the same price they could have gotten 4 of the 1.20 euro bottles they have been drinking and how the cheap stuff is better. And that is all very amusing except im trying to listen to jazz, and they keep talking to me. So then some new musicians come in, cuz its like happy hour or something and everyone buys a round in the show, starting with this nice blond girl who sang some old like 30s song pretty well, except she couldnt communicate with the spanish musicians so she messed up a touch. Then this dark haired lady who was also very good but more like scat style interesting, and i was thinking how much ani difranco probably just makes shit up and it sounds real good like that. Then this tall guy with dreads sang that route 66 song, but it was horrid cuz all the greedy musicians wanted 15 min solos and wouldnt stick to anything. Meanwhile back at the table, they are all talking about how they should steal some bottles of wine, and its not a bad idea since no one is watching and such. Plus the found some tobasco sauce and were adding it to their drinks. Drunk fucks. Still very amusing. New york guy is telling a ecuadorian girl how its good to study gaudi because "he takes buildings as an art" all this to cover up the fact he didnt want to spend the 7 bucks to go into gaudi's cathedral. Then he goes on to say he spent 4 hours studying some picasso stuff in madrid, (maybe its just that artist competition stuff at this point) or maybe i secretly love the ecuadorian girl, (she is cute) and im jealous like mad. (its funny how im giving the impression i seriously dislike this kid when i dont at all, but i was a bit irritated for no reason at all last night)

So then they all leave, and i finish up listening to jazz with the japanese and the jersey man who were all at a different table contemplating the bad jazz musicians. (not bad, just had no connection, they werent tight enough for me)
So we listen some more and then leave and jersey man is going off how it was a great show (maybe it was before i got there) and how he would have loved to play, and all sorts of stuff, and then he sees the blond girl (he apparently doesnt like to talk to guys cuz if there is a girl around even close to his age he immediately talks to her instead (which i understand, but dont have the guts to do myself) and then the japanese lady (who is like 40 and 3 feet tall or so) follows him not really realizing that he probably wants to go sweep the lady off her feet with jazz discussions and such, and me and yoki walk down la rambla (the main street) discussing american food, budgeting, bad jazz, and the street cleaners. Then i went to the internet cafe.

New york guy left this morning for avignon. His alarm went off, he went back to sleep, around 11 he ran his ass off out th room.
Jersey man has gone around enthused on jazz, telling everyone what a great band they were, but really hes probably just in love.
The german passport guy and a kid from quebec who was hanging with us a little but didnt go, are probably out looking for a job.
Winnipeg is probably falling in love with Ecuador girl.
Me im bitching and moaning.

Hmm so that was the story of about 3 hours last hope ur having fun today MAY be the last time im on ill im home, maybe not though u never know.

when i get home im gonna start another blog that will be just random shit i write when i feel like writing random shit, that way i dont have to completely mess up some of the more processed thoughts on this site, not that all of these or even many are processed but heres an idea

"New Acceptance

Oh how shadily you came to me, wild and impatient, eyes full of wonderment, styles in black and green and brown. And your hair was sort of red colored, like that bella street performer, the child who danced and danced and danced her days and wrinkles away. Her pigment sort of orange and green, probably too obscene for the old rich folks who's eyes did gleam and side with frustration. But you who came in feral disguise, do hide your claws, in these ribbed sides, tears I cried and stretched away to find conformity, and our calculations were only slightly off that day. So I walked on in unfamiliar streets backed by dealers, their sneaky impressions left in shadows. I could not be bothered with raging winds or sad songs sung after these dying days. I could but feel you on my shoulders and naught else then.
With hours passed I found your presense fully submerged and my being in nervousness, gradually lifted guards and found u easily consumed. So now i promote thee, shelter thee in sadness, and yet with gladness sing thy song. Who could know in childhood screaming all your being can be so gentlybound, I could say im not afraid, but that is lies. "

maybe i will tell u the address maybe not. Joel sent me a funny website thing with some nice valentines ideas. Thanks to him.
Peace and love TAff

Nova told me about her night, and now i will tell you what ive been thinking...

So everyday i mean every single day, i will be walking down the street, just some random street, maybe its famous, maybe its some alley thet only cats go down, and i will hear some music. Today it started with the beatles, then some spanish rock, then later it just turned into sort of a punk sound thing but basically i hear music and i start thinking lyrics in my head, and then i start singing out loud. Now its not like i just flat out copy the song i hear ( well sometimes) more often i just start singing something on top of that or change it a little, and then i have a whole new song for about 20 mins, and i never write them down (well almost never)
Now it occasionally dawns on me that im not a musician and i shouldnt be constantly writing songs for some band i will be in in 10 years, cuz most likely that band will never be there. Why? i dont know it just wont. But sometimes i let that realization fall on the floor, and then i stomp on it and day dream for 3 hours about being a rock star, and start planning shows and concerts, and all sorts of stuff. And i think of the people at home who could help me make this happen and i usually think "na they wouldnt want me" but sometimes i take that realization and let it fall to the floor and then i stomp on it and day dream about how me and my friends will be great big rock stars changing the world. yeah so thats that. The really sad thing is that i cant even order donuts right, so how can i sing songs in another language (as my day dream songs often are, in europe at least)

Hmm i have really talented friends, (thats in a variety of areas) At least i consider them friends now. ( a short time ago, like a year or two, i wouldnt have called them friends in case they didnt feel the same, but it doesnt matter cuz i still care about them, so they are my friends, and i miss them, and their ways)

Nostalgia is a wonderful gift.

I have run out of stuff to say but like others sometimes you feel the need to express something, to be creative and such even if u have nothing to say so u keep blogging on, like eventually something will come, but it usually doesnt. I will have to read more books, and listen to more music and play more word games, and sadly eat more food to be creative and talented. One day though man one day... "well some people call you boy george, so you a supastar!" thats right....

mike decides to fix some obvious typos, cuz his spelling is bad but not THAT bad, ok it is..

"hello everyone, i realize that some of you have no idea who i am but my name is james ha--ar and this is important, or i think it is. i am in barcelona at an internet cafe. 5 minutes ago i was in a hostel reading a book and i came across an article that absolutely made my jaw drop, i am going to write it out here, please take the time to read it and respond if you can, especially the 2nd paragraph.

Terror, Love, and the State of the World¨ by John Robbins.....I took it from the book Another World is Possible, the 2nd edition.

To advance human security and control terrorism, we must not only find the brutality of the September 11th attacks to be totally intolerable. We must also find intolerable that one billion people worldwide struggle to survive on $1 a day, that more than one billion people lack access to safe drinking water, and that 3 billion people have inadequete access to sanitation... If we are serious about stopping terrorism, then our goal must be to reduce the level of pollution, fear and poverty in the world.
THis goal is too costly, many say. BUt this is not true. The cost of our initial military response (james´note to 911 attacks) will easily top $100 billion (on top of our already enormous annual defense budget of $342 billion). What could we accomplish if we spent even a fraction of that much on programs to allieviate human suffering? In 1998, the United Nations Development Program estimated that it would cost an additional $9 billion (above current expenditures) to provide clean drinking water and sanitation for everyone on earth. It would cost an additional $12 billion, they said, to cover reproductive health services for all women worldwide. ANother $13 billion would be enough not only to give every person on Earth enough food to eat but also basic health care. AN additional $6 billion could provide basic education for all.
THese are large numbers, but combined they add up to $40 billion -- only one fifth as much as the $200 billion the U.S. government agreed in October 2001 to pay Lockheed to build new F-35 Joint Strike Fighter (JSF) Jets.
there ends the article.
So i have questions, these numbers could be wrong of course, but lets say its 100 billion instead of 40 billion. also assuming that the technoligies this money put in place (wells, purifiers, all kinds of infrastucture, technoligies and medical supplies) are one time deals, and would be subject to decay, they could break and need mmore to fix, and things like needles and condoms cant be reused. besides all that. besides upkeep besides the nightmare of a logistics job it would be, whats wrong with the idea that it can be done in our lifetimes? sure it would cost a ton, but so do fighter jets, and even if you believe that we need all the military stuff we have or even more military stuff, the UN said 40 bil, the people that are in charge of that kind of stuff, the UN, said that for 40 bilion dollars we could feed, give water and bathrooms too, give medical supplies to, give birth control to, and give a basic education (im assuming how to read and write in their own language and basic math ) TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. i am greedy too, i want the best for myself and my family and my friends too, i dont like taxes either, but think about it, we spent 200 billion for those planes, sure we might need em, but is 40-100 billion too much to ask for the entire world? if it is then why, please write back and tell me why, if it isnt, then whats the problem? if these numbers are wrong, or i am not accounting something, or if there are other factors someone please tell me, but imagine the possiblities. i would like to do a lot with my life as i am sure you all would, but if our country could do all that wouldnt that be just as good as anything you ever imagined? `please write back, please and tell me why i am right or wrong and what can be done. im not talking about a way to get congress to do this, im just talking about the idea and what you the reader think its worth. and send it out too if you want or think you can, thanks for your time, i really do appreciate it very much, peace and love -james ha--ar. "

The only thing i told him, about this was when i was in tanzania a bit ago (not this trip) we went to a school that had purified water (thats for drinking, bathing, doing dishes) for the entire school. The school was a private school, but it had about 300 girls plus staff, and the coolest thing was that the purified water came from a well that used solar energy to heat it. So it was all self contained within about a 8x8 foot space (thats a max amount) anyway. The parts and plumming for this system only cost a few hundred dollars(non wholesale price), and kept everyone healthy. small example, but if every village had the same system....

My big worry is over population which is a shit worry but, then u are talking about genetically engineered foods (to feed the people) and such. It would be a strange new world no? Why cant the US army take a month's worth of man power and technology and supplies to say, turn back a few feet of sahara desert every year. Why cant we replace every tree we cut down in the forests. Cuz were lazy. Cuz we never thought about actually trying it...

Oh I remember what i was supposed to post about. (thats a promise to myself which carries either the most or the least weight)

So remember that heated argument I mentioned, the one i had with me older brother. So part of the reason he brought that up, (the part i understand the most) was just his sort of disappointment/fear of me not being able to realize my full potential and such because i let certain fears hold me back. (So now we will stop talking about him, but rather continue with that thought) So easy examples of this, say mu maker, (the band) mu maker has some extremely talented musicians, and they create and perform some incredible stuff, this most people can agree to. However several people have mentioned to me over the span of a few years, that they dont like mu maker, (and several other artists, like geoff "fish" and such) because they are holding themselves back, and such. Personally I understand this, because its really hard to see someone or something u care about remain unperfect or something. (i am screwing this all up) Its hard for me to see my friends making the same old mistakes. Its hard to see them never grow out of things. Its hard to see bands we like not create genious stuff that could inspire millions. Why are we making mistakes? Why arent we all gods? well cuz were human. We make mistakes, we allow ourselves to fail, we hold ourselves back. Why is this a problem? All your heroes have faults, your role models may fail you at times. Its ok though, its supposed to be that way, keep going, keep working for the better, "solve" one problem move on to the next and such.

I say "solve" (not the word but with quotations) because i dont really think we solve it at all, just put it off, or switch it to something else.

Before i left my dad (at the airport) was trying to teach me to stand up straight, act confident, be manly (i guess) over the past few months i started acting that way sometimes, I appeared more confident, i thought i was more confident. My brother told me it hurt him to see me holding myself back, i was in tears. My "confidence" failed me. It always will. Its fake, its a show. I can live on my own in europe for several months, but im afraid to eat onions, and millions of other things. I dont like to drink because i dont want to lose control of myself. "im not good on the phone" (a line i use often) because i fear the other person doesnt want to talk to me. Im insecure, i have issues, Im working on em. What else can ya ask?

Over the past few months, i have gotten to know people, people who had nothing in common, people who sometimes irritated me, people who no one else seemed to like, people who i loved, who i thought the world of, some of whom couldnt care less about me.
But in the end it all came down to people being people. You like some things about them, u hope the world for them, you wish they wouldnt hurt ya, or remind ya that both of you are human. You share ideas, dreams, material things, moments in time. You accept them for who they are, good and bad, hopefully both agreeing to work on it. nothing else..

One more post from my bro, which will be on top of this, probably.....

hey i dont know if any of you wrote comments, so gavin has a blog that he never told me about and he rarely updates and its kinda vulgar but u can go there if u wish gavin's blog www.gavinsanus.blogspot.com

Yeah so we have pretty much done everything we set out to do in barcelona, and james goes to the airport tonight to sleep there and catch a flight in the morning so its farewell to him, and its his birthday, lucky him he gets to sleep in the airport for his b day.

Anyway we caught a sweet jazz band at this cool park gaudi designed, pictures later, and they are called exitmango, i have yet to see if they have a website, if they do i will link, or something.

Also I learned a beer song to the tune of doh ray me fa so la ti doh or whatever, and uh thats it i think. I will probably post something james sent out to all his pals, and u can e mail if u have comments about it.

UH yeah, well i shall see yall later.

I wrote some posts, they got erased, one chapter of a life. if it were up to me, we wouldnt bleed, just urinate on strange walls in small towns. You ask, dont dogs do that? My answer is yes, but werent you sometimes an annoying child biting too hard, barking too loud? So search search with your nose and nose alone, for a place to bleed.

frustration leads to comparing humans to dogs, apparently.
the other day i realized i havent had a grilled cheese sandwhich since i was like 12, maybe younger. We use to eat them and chicken noodle soup every saturday for lunch. This is childhood. Something tells me it just wont be the same.

brought to you by the number 4


james is taking a but if tune though it seems hes just playing online games, im gonna go call my dad. then im gonna make him come to the port, also know as the beach "vamos ala playa" or something.

and the third post, cuz the whale one is freaking me out, and the other isnt me, yes thats gavin not me, i dont have cool adventures, although the other day i almost j walked in front of a cop and almost got jacked up by an ambulance going about 60 out of a parking lot. And did get jacked for some chips and animal crackers by some hoodlums. (they seemed somewhat friendly, i mean they said nice to meet you while walking off with my food.) what else happened, today a homeless man tried to sell me hash for 15 mins, but um we ended up kinda chattin, and then he asked me for money and got mad i wouldnt give him any. Me and james had a heated discussion about my eating. He was mostly right but u know... what u gonna do, it doesnt bother me to be picky... Um im back in barcelona, we saw kristen C (has 2 twin brothers, is a year older than me) at random in toledo and that was just strange but really cool. She is taking some classes there for a semester, we kinda had tapas, and went to a market. Just very surprising to meet someone at home, while walking down the street in a small town. Makes u believe in fate and such, i was telling james about the backpacker taoist beliefs i dont know that he believes in it or anything but stuff is funny like that. Hmm what else, we checked out the sagrada familia, u will see pics later (not that i remember to bring the camera, but i can download some) its impressive, its a modernist cathedral by the way designed by gaudi, weird guy. manana, we go to the picasso museum. I cant think of anything else. I still dont know when im coming home, but im back at 1.60 for 24 hours so i may be on a lot. have fun take care of urselves, if u see the whale dont worry try typing in just http://everlastingtaffyman.blogspot.com not that u would be able to see this. Adios peace and love

Because i found these hilarious and they improved my mood a bunch i thought i would share, so my friend gavin writes
1\31\03

"You know they say that you cant park a tractor on your front lawn without first removing the fence , or running it down .

I still dont know about this as yet i have never wanted to park a tractor on my front lawn , but having said this i dont have a front lawn to want to park a tractor on , so this takes me back to were we started from does'nt it

But think of it would'nt a nice large lawn with green grass and a small statue of a naked dwarf on it be great , party's here and there , drinking , just sunning yourself on the warm grass dreaming about that naked drarf you saw in real life and how her curves were in a strange way erotic hmmmmmmm . All this and still no desire to park a fucken tractor in the middle of it all , the dwarf makes sense but the tractor no way .

Anyway all this aside the tractor is a great piece of machinery and has come a long way in modern years , now they are air conditioned , heated machines of beauty , yep i would like to own one some day , its not going to be parked on my lawn though and there is no fucken way im gona let anybody run my fence over to put it there , sorry but thats just the way its gonna be !!!!!!!! ......."

AND LATER IN THE WEEK
"Friday night , what a night , but saturday night , fucked up to say the least .

Once again i was out walking so my friend could "play chess " with a lady friend , you know what i mean , hint hint , anyway i stopped off for a meal and a beer , as is the case every time this happens , there i was having a nice meal and a beer when in walks a large angry looking man " dun dun dun daaaaaaaaa " ( music plays like in the movies ) he walks to the bar spurs janling and clinking AS he walks along ( sorry made that bit up ) anyway he takes a seat next to me at the bar and starts to have a very animated conversation in bolgarian to the other man next me , now i cant understand a word but i get the hint( i will call him "TAKO")

yeah thats good , anyway taco apears to have a large problem with man #2 he explains himself then turns to me and speaks , i return with my usual line " sorry english " ( this apears to be the best one to use because in most places this is as good as saying " sorry i am an ignorant piece of shit " they seam to like this a lot < to my surprise Tako didnt ,in fact i would go as far as to say that at that moment Tako began to seriously dislike me !! < How can this happen?? in all the places i have been i have only had about 65 percent of the people dislike me and i usualy i have to speak more for this to happen !! .

Crap , well here i was with Tako saying abusive things to me then as if to prove a point he had to then show me his rather large pistol !!!!!!! just in case i couldnt understand him , then to make his point more he asks in broken english "What do you do now "!! ( well this was what i understood anyway , he could have been trying to sell me his cow , but i wasnt going to ask him to repeat himself !! , well what could i do ?? i i promptly downed my beer ./................. Then ordered another and one for Tako , this and the big smile i gave him appeared to unsettle him a bit and he left me alone , maybe he figured i had a bigger gun than him !! , who knows.

Then later on i had a girl blaming me for the problem with the world !! , come on i know i can be a prick but i didnt cause it all !! , whats wrong with these people ???? , anyway if i had my big shining tractor with air conditioning in the cab none of this would happen !! , thats what i think , well lets see who i run into tonight , maybe Tako will come and buy me a beer , i mean fuck i at least thought we were going to buy rounds ..."

"I wrote this the other day ,but the pc died

What i was asking was a question i had been stumped by " How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood ??"

Now i was having a couple of problems with this , firstly and the most important was that i have no idea what i wood chuck does , what it looks like or anything , shit i could be sitting on one and not know this , so how was i to know how much wood it would chuck ??? , but then the next bit gets me " if it could chuck wood "" haaa now with a name like this i would be guessing that it could indead chuck wood , maybe it doesnt , maybe the fucken thing has no intention of chucking wood at all !! , maybe its a lazy animal ?? , I dont know !! strange !! , i think i will look this up on the internet , the doctors let me on for an hour a day , they are nice ........ "

so i went to my website, and there was a picture of a whale... does that happen to yall?

Dont get me wrong, i like whales, and pictures, but there isnt supposed to be one on my website....

sometimes u kids need to be nerds, i know ur just chillin, doin homework and such, is it not possible to leave ur name online so i can at least say hi to you while ur doing ur homework? no? ok sorry for asking, na. (sorry if this all sounds like im upset, im not, im good, a bit tired but good)

its like the 2nd so i should be gone for about 11 more days. Not that any of u are gonna see me right away.

So i have been chillin in madrid. big city full of all night night life. Clubs and concerts and bars till 6am, the kind of thing i would wish for minneapolis on those boring summer nights when we reluctantly just end up going to uptown express or perkins (not that those times arent my favorite times in the world, just sometimes we need a change, and such) So i havent really gotten out, first it was a 1 thirty curfew, (damnit i just realized i didnt spell check a letter i meant to, again) then it was just a chill night, then it was me and james being exhausted. James is my older brother by the way, good kid, hes reading the news, apparently there was a space shuttle accident thats mad fucked.
Also coleman didnt sign the no drill in alaska thing. Also fucked what has happened since i left why is everything down hill? ooh though i hear some peace rallies are getting mad cats, thats cool. they have some here too. I have nae been able to attend due to lack of knowledge of where and when and such.


what else can i say, so um We went to segovia today, saw that big aqueduct, i got pics, i got the digital so i will have something to show when i get back. Yesterday we went to the prado and another more modern art museum 1.5 were extremely impressive. U know how some modern art can be the coolest thing ever and others the stupidest? yeah so that was that.

The other day i went to the post office in madrid. Its like the fanciest building in town, a former palace, turned communication center.

Im totally forgetting how to spell. I have typed things like senter and other such mistakes without even thinking.

I guess i have just been chilling a lot so i dont have much to tell ya, mi brother brought me mad food which is nice. Hes trying to teach me not to worry about such things as 30 cent maps. I try to tell him multiply it times 30 or 40 he still doesnt think its a big deal. I hope i find some balance when i get back. I dont want to worry about money anymore, but wasting it aint no good either, it could be going to people who need it you know?


somebody is tossing their cookies in the other room, its kinda rough to hear. Although its possible they are just watcing like a movie of someone throwing up but turn the sound down man!

I cant think of much to say i will update ya when i get to barcelona again approx 2-3 days. Keep in touch cats, i be back and looking for ya before u know it. peace and love Taff

hmm, i could tell a number of embarassing stories but i will only tell one. But first i should finish up on that last post so u know what my point was. um and hopefully i wont get booted again (free internet, time limit)

so anyway they have weird Rs and Hs right? so im listening to marcelo (from brazil) all night cuz he talks a lot (but i like that) and were talking about the Hed HRot chili peppers, and t he HRard Hock cafe and i just found it hilarious he understood he makes fun of portuguese men for sounding stupid, they joke with him everytime he asks them things because he sounds funny the world sounds funny. Besides im american i sound stupid and lazy. So anyway that would have been better had i wrote it 2 days ago like i planned and on to the next

COOKING ADVENTURES WITH MIKE

so we had a kitchen. A stove, an oven hell we even had a fridge. Wonderful i though as i walked through the gocery store, I can make any of this. I already had my staple food, bread, and i saw some eggs. And i decided grench toast would be a good endeaver (spelling?) then i walked past the frozen food section, and figured fries for 85 cents is better then 2 bucks at a stand. so they went in the cart as well. And that was all i could afford having already spent my other 2 alotted dollars on transportation.

So I got back to the pension. Washed some dishes cuz im a crazy germ freak. Cracked some eggs into a cup and whisked with a fork. Attempted to light the stove, nothing heppened. Tried again with the gas a little higher, nothing, once again BAM nearly took of my hand. Anyway i cut some bread and poured what i thought was a veggie oil(it was yellowish, had veggies on the front) into a less than nonstick pan. poured some egg stuff onto the bread and bam right into the pan. a few minutes later there was smoke and a horrible smell and blackness everywhere and that was that. I ate the bread alone and put the eggs back into the fridge.

A little while later I decided the fries might work better. So more yellow stuff, lots of yellow stuff to get that pan soaked in "OIL" and then some frozen fries a mile high.

And then it hit me, the smell was not of veggie oil and frying chips bu some sort of OH MY GOD ITS VINAGER(spelling?)" and not just normal vinegar but that european wine vino shite that smells horrible, the kind u put on salad hence the veggies.

I thought about throwing it then but decided if the english can do it, i can, and continued to cook. Then about 10 mins later when i couldnt even stand in the kitchen cuz it smelled so bad i threw the contents in a plastic bag, did the dishes one more time and had a meal of fruit.

Hours later Walter a very cool nice south african guy asked if i had been cooking.
The next day he showed me where the real veggie oil and salt and stuff was.

Then i had some scrumptous food. Walter was constantly asking me if i wanted some food. He woke me up this morning and offered me corn flakes. He apparently told his girlfriend last night that he was worried about me. This is a guy i have known for 2 days. Hes really cool though i kind of wish i could stay in lisbon for a few more days and hang out with him, but i have a bus to catch. SADDD like steph L who i havena seen in a while.

hmm the other major story i could tell is a bit too um shameful so i wont go there. But lets just say my new clean jeans that i just put on yesterday and have to wear for the next three weeks till i get home, were only clean for about 3 hours.

hmm james (my brother) will be here (err madrid) in a few days.

I have been having hundreds of strange dreams lately. In one I got in a car accident while it was snowing and i was switching seats from the passenger to the driver seat, with my mom talking to me in the back seat.

in another i had sex with a prostitute who told me after we had finished, that i should follow her or something and then she walked into an HIV clinic where they were having group therapy and we all sat down and talked about what we should do now that we were hiv positive.

Those were the scary ones.

Today I went to 2 major art musuems in lisbon (cuz they were free) neither were that great, but my book said they took a couple hours each so i planned my day on that and they only took 2 hours combined, so now i got hours to kill and im hungry. that is all i think its like confessional in here

hmmm comments arent working so i dont know what u have said.

so u know how i like the red hot chili peppers?
yeah so they played here last night and it was only 22 bucks to go see em, but me im out of touch so i didnt know till half an hour before the damn show.

Also my brazillian friend leaves for france today, so im on my own again. Oh the stories, the things i have learned from him. Like for instnance did u know there is a sort of friendly rivalry between brazil and portugal, err at least the men. So they joke around, like we joke about the south. only less maliciously because they are nice and we are not. Also there is no h sound in portuguese(spelled correctly this time i think) so they kind o substitute their r sound which is like ops booted

and now some more shite i found in my notebook, then a post maybe if i dont run out of time...

This same self satisfaction
will later lead to corruption
confusion, possible delusion
if it hasnt already
If it were ever in much doubt I would have taken it to the stars and back for a time of clarity, but instead I got stuck half way up a ladder hanging tied to a rope leading out the window of a plane, for space shuttles havent been invented yet, too bad that gravity brings me down, too bad im afrid of heights.

as promised one bad poem, and not spell checked too which is wonderful no?

Inconsistancy

Your indecision makes you uncomfortable,
balancing glass plates on both hands
which is more valuable? Which would you save?
Your brain screams "find safety!!"
pillows like mountains in the distance.
Slowly walking causes stumbles, shaking hands, and you´re to blame.
Eyes wide open as the world falls down

and your heart cries for the victims, yet your glass pieces did the cutting...


"I have no answers, only observations" me after reading my own shit.

"I dreamed I met a gallalian a most amazing man, he had that look you very rarely find, the haunting hunted kind. "

for budget reasons i started a countdown of days, ops im booted

Tambien

So I´ve been drawing a lot lately, mostly these stupid little cartoons, about college and different things, stuff i can send out to everyone on the mass e mail list that my future college will probably include me on or something. Stupid jokes and such. but also i occasionally write and draw serious stuff and i intend to to good works with these.

I wrote a poem the other day. Im sure it not good, in fact i cant remember what its about, but i was supposed to type it the next chance i had and put it on here. But me i left it in my bag which is about 10 metro stops from here. So you will have to wait for said bad poem.

Lately i have been wondering if i care abot stuff anymore. early on in my trip i read a book called silent power, which is a stupiud somewhat taoist thing about gaining the upper hand in life but securing yourself in the world . Not like taoist good, like taoist bad. Anyway part of the book was basically, sit back and listen and u will understand more or something, and i have kind of inadvertantly done that to an extent. So when i get back, and someone says something racist i may not have the finger or a harsh criticism for them. Also I have been out of the loop so much with like politics and the news and everything that i have no idea what is going on and for some reason that hasnt bothered me. Things like the fact that i cant recycle all the time, still brings up a "what the fuck are u doing throwng plastic bottles away" thing but i move past it pretty quickly which is sad. I dunno i was expecting in college to become more of an activist but if this keeps up im gonna be a sloth. Partially why im pretty sure i will end up going to morris for the first year. Pals to inspire me to make a better world. HMM who out there has taken up smoking while in college? anyone? tsk tsk adios taff

for nova who forgets to read the comments, A NEW POST!!!!


So anyway the moroccan hills are really beautiful ( like perfect for setting up a commune) and its real hot there, and cheap and such, but i had to leave sometime so i did. Then i spent a whole day trying to get from one tiny little city to one big city, but like i said the spanish train system is whack. So I hung out with this crazy dirty spaniard all day. He had some pretty interesting theories. He had spent a month in morocco and mauritania (sp?) and senagal and i dont think he showered that whole time, so he had an interesting look to him. Also somewhat crazy-mysterious even. He was on his way home to see him moms in barcelona. I wish i could quote but i cannot i can only half quote. "the work you do with the day, like work with your hands, that is for to eat, the work by night, that is for when like you be artist. In this way you keep work with hands, for food yes? but also with your mind for the other... you understand?" I never told him i was an artist, he just used that for his example and it worked out very well.

So then i went to sevilla. Sevilla is cool, u cant help but run into a monument, cuz they on every corner. In fact they even have a monument de flamenco which i think is swell. Also its a beautiful city, the people are a bit warmer, the climate a bit warmer, the smells in the air are real real nice (oh god im turning into a food person) anyway, they have a large sudent population, and a large homeless population (cuz its not illegal to be a vagabond in spain) and i dont know but i enjoyed it. Now im in lisbon, chillin with a brazillian. he speaks portugese it saves me from a lot of trouble. I dont know what else to say.

Oh last night as i waited for my bus to lisbon, I sat and listened to this like marching band thing play this song over and over by the river side. I think they were preparing for some big spanish festival, but they played for like 3 hours the same song. And it was an incredible song sort of like the kind of anthem u would hear and the heroid death of the star in some movie. Llike mel gibson being put to death in braveheart. like 8 parts, and like hispanic festival style, like parades and shit. When i was thinking about this last night it cam out much more stylish and poetic now its just jumbles.

So i should be e mailing a number of u to tell i got your e mails like a week or 2 ago but i dont know if i will do them all. I think maybe u will have to either write me again and say whats up or just wait 3 weeks till im home. yes thats right only three weeks left.

hmm in other news we have a loco president who no one in the world likes. its a fact yo


Also i got a letter from my lil brother and he sounds all grown up and zach i think he really looks up to you so dont do anything foolish. Also though he may be becoming a movie nerd, something i was once, i have seen like 1 movie in 4 months now i cant wait to get back and chill for a night watching 6 movies or something, and pigging out on food. (its gotta be that pyramid or triangle of needs thing)

catch ya later obrigado por las cartas thats spanugese or somethingpeace and love Taff

En shallah this will work or something it means godwilling and i didnt spell that right im sure.

So im in morocco, how bout u? also the space button doesntwork very well and im too lazy to check,plus these are french keyboards

ok so, thanks for writing emailsin the past few days i probably wont be able to write back till like the 19th sorry. Anywho, im in morocco ive gotten ripped off twice. I bought myself a jilaba (spelling?) for my birthday, whic is like the traditional winter wear. Um i have seen lotsof shit, tonight some cats at my hostel who i hungout with today are going to eat camel meat, im pretty grossed out by that. Uh what else can tell ya. I really like the liverpool accent, think the beatles. Uh i got one more moroccan cityleft the infamous casablanca and then i go back to spain, probably sevilla even though i am ahead of schedule.

Nothin really to say i guess, 29 days i think. im 19 today... that seems old to me, even though several of my friends have been 19 for ages. i have funky hair. mint tea is really nice with a lot of sugar. Its cold here. The water from the showers this morning hung above us like smoke in a pub. it swirled and was so thick u could cut it in half and serve it like cake on a silver platter, got something to do with the altitude something to do with the temp. It was too cold for me to shower, cant get hypothermia with a month left.

I have pretty much given in to germs here cuz its impossible not to get them. the food is measured in handfulls, and the money (which can only be passed with the right hand) is filthy. A good portion of the people dont use tp and things like meat sit outin the sun all day.

The weird thing is that moroccois not really that poor. its like the playground of europe and lots of money goes into stuff, yet somehow the cost of living is still way low. Like internet costs a penny a min. bread costs 15 cents a loaf. Yesterday i got 2 big donuts and a bag full ofpopcorn for 30 cents.It wasgood too cuz i aint had good warm dessert food in a while.

Hmmm My popsgave me about 150 for x mas and my b day i think, and i think my entire morocco trip will be paid for by it. 3 cities lots oftransportation, tour guides, food. Also i bought a disposable camera but im shite at photography and its a shit cameraso nothing will turn out good, but thats ok.

I wish i could say more but it would be al outof context unless i sat here and typedfor an hour and i cannae do that. (cannae would be like scottish northern english, canna would be more southern english city talk, but its real subtle and would flow together with the next word so uwouldnt pick it up if u werent studying like i do)

hmmm thats it fuck saying more peace and love itsallgood taff

4 mins is enough time to post no?
ok im in granada, south spain, mountains, cold, trying to leave tomorrow, to go to the real real south, then across to morocco, skipping malaga cuz it seems like a hassle. uh getting exhausted with trip, holding on to whatever i can, ready to return. approx 5 weeks. 33 days. who wants cake? today i saw some street performers doing a clown like show and planned a whole one in my head but its really not good maybe in college i wil work out the bugs and be a performer again, did i ever tell u about the chinese guy in bologna? the "what is a boy george?" its a longer story but the punchline is "Oh cuz some people call u boy george , so you a supastar!" perfect set up if only he had known what he was saying it would have been a wonderful dis... Too bad i need a spell checker for everything sorry to everyone who i send e mails to. Adios. Peace and love 1 mins over damn

Fishing the ill equipped mexican way..

So my mexican pals (th ones i've been rooming with) realized today they should be spending less money so that they can eat for the next few days before they go home.
Then they went out to a chinese food lunch (because lunch is the biggest meal of the day)
Later they stumbled upon some rubbish, that in their creative genious looked like a fishing pole to them. So they brought it home for late night fishing.

So we went out to the harbor which is loaded with fish for some reason, its probably illegal to fish there but they were desperate. (not so much for food, but rather a good time with out spending money)

So 4 shoes strings tied to a milk crate type thing, a broken mop handle and some bread and they were a fishing, and laughing and it was hella funny. (you had to be there)

After a while it was the grab that other piece of trash that could be used as a net thing, then my safety pin. But those damn pescados were muy intelligente and we all gave up cuz it was cold. The story of the night. Its good to be with cats again, avignon was rough a week alone. I realized after i left that i had only had like 3 conversations the entire time i was there which was like 5-6 days, One with some aussies, one with the security guard at maccies (the australian way to say it) and one with a really old homeless french guy who didnt speak english but tried. Oh well it was a nice town. Did I tell you i saw some one who looked exactly like an older jon H (he likes rap, plays poker with us occasionaly, another ex of my only true ex) yeah that jon. it was totally weird i spent the rest of the day talking to him in my head. Oh well Peace and love Taff

and again...

hey trying to get my archives back, hopefully this will work.... and we try again

ElEl cafe es playing (toca-?) tatu the russian lesbo pop star group. Ah its raining today, and cold. hace fresco y lleva or something. I swore I was learning spanish again but maybe its only comprehension. This morning i woke up bright and early at the butt crack of 11:00 and throughout the course of a shower and a bit of journaling I realized my little brother will be turning 17 in like 2 months. Maybe i have talked about this before, in fact I'm sure i have but i can not get across enough that its really weird to have him grow up with out me there to protect. Its like even at 15 i was holding him back from running across the street and being hit by a car. I have always been there, or always thought i was. So it occurred to me he was growing up without me again, and then i thought about all the shit i was thinking at 17, and i went "oh fuck!!" and decided to write him an e mail instead of calling cuz it was like 5 am and he has school today I'm sure.

Anyway the main thing i was thinking about, and i swore i would wait till at least my birthday to tell anyone this, but I'm growing up, i think I'm ready to start dating and such. Yes this sounds stupid at 18 almost 19 but hey we all grow at different paces or something. So from 13-16 I thought i would have sex by 17, I didn't I'm glad i didn't, now I'm almost 19 a virgin and I'm thinking maybe i could date a girl and be serious about it. All my guy friends lost theirs young and some have told me they wished they had waited at least a bit longer. I guess its weird for me to be ready to do something like that, cuz i never felt that way before. Unsure unconfident and its possible its just a temporary thing and in the future i will be back to uncomfortable again, but for now, maybe I'm like old finally. Or at least an adult finally.

People tell me i look 21 now, I have not meet a single person who would have placed me at 18. Maybe its cuz i haven't shaved in 5 months, maybe the glasses. But maybe I'm just old and boring.... its not so bad really. I mean I'm me what u gonna do?

Anyway i sent steve a big long e mail telling him its ok to do stuff if he wants as long as he is safe about it drugs alcohol sex but also that if he doesn't want to he shouldn't. Simple as that no? I also told him we will be friends from now on or at least try to be i mean as well as brothers but i don't need to be his parent no more. He is his own person. which is weird cuz i still kind of take care of all my friends cept maybe pete. I feel the same way about pete as james(my older brother) i told illy this, pete i don't need to worry about cuz he is pete. Hes comfortable being himself, he makes good decisions. he tends to have his shit straight 10 times as much as i have or do rather or something. Pete's got dealt with more stuff than i have, i often tend to look at him for an example. Sorry to blab this all on the air. Just true, what i been thinking about while I'm away.

Hmm also i think maybe i want to come home but i will stick it out till after james. Not like I'm not having a good time. Not like I'm running away I'm just ready to return. So about 25 more days alone, seeing stuff, living it up taking in what i can. then some time with James which i have been looking forward to the whole trip not that i really have expectations i just know it will be a good experience. and then a couple days to see people i know here in London and then all of you again. OH TOOO MUCH BABBLING I have lost all my creativity I think. Maybe, I also realized its been ages since i have been on stage, which is always something i enjoyed despite being a really bad actor and singer and such, wonder where that went? What has happened to my life? Its all so very different then it was... once again not like a bad thing, just different strange to be different, always felt different and yet difference still throws me but i like it sometimes you know? If you don't like me when i get home, its OK i mean i will understand if u think i have changed and I'm not the old mike you know and possibly care about, but you should tell me maybe i can pull the old mike out of my pants like a clown at a childrens party making balloon animals or something, wow could that be misinterpreted hey i cant spell!!!!! shut up you, you're only making a bigger fool of yourself, they wont love you!/i> is that not ok? of course its not ok! but I'm just being me... never be you they hate you everyone hates you really? yes really!ç

hmm i need help

also an update from gavin (hoping he wont mind) and this is direct quote

" i went one step further and did a double pin ball , and electrocuted myself for entertainment . ( fucked up in the head ) " if you dont remember who gavin is check out

Ok maybe the archive just isnt showing me that section or maybe i was heavily censored u bastards!!! maybe i will have to check it out later, but basically i swear i was getting on more than what it looks like, dont u think they would tell me if i were getting fucked over? what did i do\say? it was all medical no?

oh well fuck this im out peace and love yall have fun getting back to school and such.

this time zone is sure to catch up to the next one if i keep putting in the hours at this internet cafe!!!!

its sad really i went out for a two hour walk but thats all i have done today other then sit here. True i did catch up on shit i've been meaning todo for weeks even months, but i am in barcelona, when the fireworks or cannon shots were fired did i sit and watch? no i walked to the internet cafe. Did I sit and watch the michael jackson impersonator do his show for the 50th time today? well yes a little, but not the whole thing.

My mexican roommates just showed up and said hi and surprised the hell out of me.

But anyway its true im in barcelona and im a dick, amd not doing anything. But i guess its also true i will be here again for about 4-5 days in a month, so im ok. Kristen read the comments in the last post, they are mostly for u i think. Um also i forgot what i had to say. Im gonna go be a good traveler smoke crack and such oh yeah today i miss incubus, 311 and sublime i think there may be another but thats all i can remember

A link to the alex connery i know and love will come later

for now all u get is this
i hope he doesnt mind me advertising
http://www.babyeatinfool.blogspot.com/

who ever searched cesky krumlov 2002 + gavin im sure i know u feel free to say hi if you come back

this is mike the weird kid if u didnt know, and uh it was good times no? maybe later i get a picture of gavin and his name tag up but not till i get home sadly

¨¨¨¨¨¨¿¿¿¿?¡ÇÇ**^ªººªººÑÑÑ just hecking out all the cool shit i can do and u probably cant sorry to rub it in...

As for you, you should take a shower, i took a shower today, mr monkey took a shower today, so you should too follow the crowd to the place of better reform or something. Last night we heard 2 gunshots on the block, people ran, the police came, the firemen came, they put up a ladder and knocked down a broken balcony off a building across the street. For some reason the balcony falling from the second story to the ground sounded exactly like 2 gun shots, dont ask me why. then we went out to a small club where alexandro (possibly spelled with a j not x) offered me drinks all night long as a joke sort of, its funny how people are not comfortable with the guy who doesnt drink. I dont want to make yall feel guilty or anything its ok to drink i just dont want to ¿ok? ooh that was so spanish of me. Ha i be off now sorry to be stupid on here, just updating (or rather starting) an online address book so i can stop keeping all these little notes, soon all of you will be on there, and then i can e mail u whenever i want instead of waiting for u to e mail me and then stealing your name to write back, or saving 6 month old letters to remember the e mail address. Ah the 21st century what else will u offer us that the 20 century did as well but we were neglectful and apathetic towards its offerings. oh wo im starting to talk like the quaran more on that later though.. unless i already did talk about that, then i will just briefly restate my current thoughts in shorter form. oh well peace and love

so there i was chillin, drawing stupid shit like i always do, talkin to a frenchman and a brooklynite at a table in istanbul, and this chica i once knew in budapest turned me around said "hi" and smiled.... true story

anyway we chatted that night, and she told me to check out this site a friend of hers runs and i finally did today like 2-3 weeks later and i kinda like it so here
www.angryflower.com just cartoons and shit cool though i catch ya later i gotta go sleep its 3 am and i have na been to bed goin to the beach w some mexican cats manana

also you should all tell me what u did for new years, i want comment boxes filled. its a must if u visit the site

as for me, i sat around for a few hours in a room alone, then went into avignon walked around for 45 mins and nothing was happened, only saw one puddle of puke and thats a shame. so i went back to the room and fell asleep sad and lonely and thinking of home. Then i woke up at like 1 and tried to call pete but he didnt answer so i went back to bed. Good times though the next day i left for toulouse and u already know that story, unless u are reading these in the wrong order which u probably are. so good luck to ya in your own time peace and love, if i know ya im missin ya its cierto and if i dont maybe in the future i will be pleased to make your aquaintence or something adios

(sorry i may get booted in a sec and i wanted to publish that much before i continue)

anyway. I spent the first 2 hours of this train ride stressing out, thinking about the concequences of hopping on a train without permission to another country and such. Reading the back of the ticket sold to me saying the fees for different things. Expecting the price if someone does come around to sell me a ticket to be huge because, 1 it was a 3 hour trip (25 if u go by the avignon to toulouse ticket) then it was through the mountains, which is usually a few bucks extra. also i was buying a late ticket so i probably wouldnt get my under 26 discount plus a possible fee of anything from 5- 130 euros for hopping on the train. And also international borders usually cost ya about 20-40 bucks extra no matter what and i was crossing 2. So i was thinkg massive ticket here brace yourself.

2 hours in, i started thinking "maybe they wont check" then i saw her. Maybe 50 feet away taking tickets, slowly patiently filling out ticket after ticket for each passeneger who didnt have one. i was fucked, all of a sudden she was on me, i showed her i needed to buy one, and she pulled out a pen and paper and wrote 7 2 0 and i said oh shit, then she put a dot between the 7 and the 2 and said siete y viente and went "what the fuck?" quickly i pulled out my wallet and handed her a twenty before she changed her mind. SHe gave me change said something about have a nice day, and it was over. I spent the next 20 mins thinking 7.20 is like what u pay for a movie, and this is for 3 hours with beautiful mountain scenery going great distances. I was very happy as you may have guessed, and new from that moment that spain was gonna look out for me.
Johnny depp(deep) the mexican looked at me and gave me a head nod, and it was all good.


So now im here. Staying with 2 of the mexicans (out of 4) they are pretty cool cats and they help me learn\remember my spanish.

Barcelona is excellent but i wqill probably only stay a few more days cuz i got a lot to see, and though this is cheaper then france i still gotta wath my cash so it lasts, plus im coming back with james in a month. So yeah more later peace and love TAff

So i owe u a story no? well no not really cuz none of you have computers right now so uwouldnt know the differene anyway eh? but anyway with sweaty feet in 70 degree weather in an internet cafe in barcelona i shall tell u the story of the past few days.

We start our story in the fairy tale city of Avignon, france. Avignon is a small walled city approx 80 thousand people but its the biggest city within an hour so its not like park, cuz we got minneapolis. So I woke up at a decent time, 20 mins before check out which is more than enough so i took my time to brush my teeth, put on my boots and such. I did have to pack up all my shit without waking my french roommate (the guy and i had lived together for a week and said one word to eachother in that entire time) but he seemed nice, just antisocial. anyway since i dont have much shit, it wasnt hard to pack at all. getting out the door, 2 feet from his head with all my gear did seem a challenging task and i failed miserably so i said "pardon" as i left his life forever. I made my way to the train station getting there just in time to catch an earlier train to my destination of choice, toulouse ( abig city about 3 hours away). The trip included a short layover in Montpellier france which made my day cuz i wanted to see that city anyway.

So train rides through southern france are rather incredible, cuz u go through a small town every 20 mins and there is a castle or a old church or something rediculously amazing in each little place, and these towns really dont seem to notice that they have a 500 hundred year old castle as their center of town. they just go on livin like it aint no thang. So yeah great scenery. On this trip though i guy asked me for a cig. I of course dont smoke. So i said sorry i dont have one, but offered him some gum which he accepted, then a piece to his friend, and conversation soon took place. It was difficult but we got by. they lived in montpellier and were scamming the train system cuz they new there was no one to check this particular route so no tickets for them. mine cost 25 bucks a fee i'd wished i had not paid.
so we somewhat chatted about travelling and some other stuff, like baby talk, but it worked. then when we got there they asked if i wanted to walk around with them in my 2 hour layover and they showed me some of the famous shit in montpellier. which is a beautiful city as far i could tell and i will return some day.

Now the reason i believe in karma. (also i do know that karma isnt supposed to work in the same lifetime, but it does so shaw to you)

I was sitting in the train station, or rather laying down, and i saw a dog shat on the floor. This is a common thing since the french love their dogs and wouldnt dream about picking up after them (so every city has more dog shit then u have ever seen in your life) but anyway this was right in the middle of a "high traffic zone" and i looked around and no one else bothered to do anything so i didnt. So of course later in toulouse i stepped in the nastiest shite i have ever seen or smelled and had to use the shower of my way too expensive hotel room(in a min) to clean my boot not to bathe in.

so as for that aformentioned hotel room.

When i got toulouse i went to the hotels my stolen\traded guide book told me to go to, and all of them were "complet" which means no vacancy. So i kept walking around full packs, and everything for about 3-4 hours looking for hotels finding only 30-40 stuff and it was all too much. Even an old lady wouldnt take me in for under 30.
Its weird too cuz in venice (a tourist city) they would budge on the price. In marseille a city only a few hours away, they would budge on the price, but toulouse was like " fuck you american moneky" and i was like ok, i will go to barcelona early.
SO i went to the train station, explained to the lady i needed to be in barcelona the next day, she said ok printed me off a bunch of things and smiled and i was like "oh yes" the one she said was the best left at 7 and got there at 12 whih sounded wonderful until i realized it was 7 in the morning and i would have to stay the night in toulouse. so i went out to the bus station which was closed, and stepped in the dog shit, and then went out to find a hotel again. I finally found one for 27 and said ok 1 night. then i went out to see all the sites in toulouse in the rain. which was fun, oh was it fun. (sarcasm just doesnt work online no?)


So i got back at like 10 and asked the guy for a 6 am wake up call and he said ok. so i planned shit that night went to bed at like 12, woke up at 6:20 to a shitty wake up call. If it werent for my alarm i'd have been fucked but THEN i got to the train station and the ticket office was closed for the day. which sucked ass(at the time) the info people told me to get on the train i wanted and the conducter guy would sell me a ticket, then at the next train station i could buy one. So i did that. I meet some mexican cats going to barcelona and kinda just followed them. bought the ticket to a small town in or near andorra (another country, in the mountains) and when we got there, the ticket office was "ferme" which means closed. "great" i thought, i hopped on the next train to barcelona. more in a sec

first off im dead, and in barcelona which is a sweet city as far as i can tell, but the first impression is always good, unless its bad u know?
ummm yeah so i will write the story of the past 2 days tomorrow when i am awake. for now i say shit seems fair again. uh yeah seriously im dead nice talkin to ya, keep sending those e mails when ya can. peace and love taff

how do you stop love?

how do you stop love

how how do you stop love?

how do you how how do you how how do you stop love?
stop stop stop stop how do you stop? stop, stop? stop?
how do you stop love love love love love
how do you stop love?

love

well aol and my comments section dont seem to be working today so post time. post tile with screwed up keyboard again.

so yesterday was a first for 3 things, the first time i have seen illy in a few months, the first time i have seen a cochroach in europe, and the first time i have heard/seen a distrubance ahere the cops had to be called.

so starting with that last one i was in marseille it was approx 2-3 in the morning and i coudnt get back to sleep, a crowd of very noisy people were yelling and screaming down the street, i listened trying to figure out what language the fight lasted maybe 30 mins then i started leaning out the window to watch, the cops showed up ans broke it off? i watched as 4 scantily clad women possibly prostitutes and/or drag queens walked my way while several large men walked the other.

also there was a cockroach, heh what u gonna do, i knew the hotel wasnt exactly up to code, thats why i was staying there.
it was a small one not like the ones we had in hong kong, i just went back to bed.

so illy, i got to see her for a few hours, i completely forgot how cute she is and totally was amazed the whole time i was with her, and we basically just chatted like nothin was different, though i really didnt have much to say, and if she is reading thanks again, hope to see ya when i get back, sorry if i was a bit boring.

its just weird to talk like if someone asks "whats new" what am i supposed to respond exactly. i just dont know, everything is new and absolutely nothing is new, its the same thing, and i cant really gossip or chat about anything from home, nothing familliar so what do i say heh nothin

its all good. i really did like marseille but since both hostels were closed i was doing the budget hotel thing and that is still pretty expensive. so i had to leave, and as i was leaving the hotel manager said with excitement all the americans who are in the army are leaving today to go fuck up iraq oh joy, marseille is a port city and the navy spent their holiday there. I thought there were a lot of young male mericans with short hair. oh well.

also i was looking at a map of the EU this shit is crazy within 10 yrs all of europe will be united say goodbye to america the world leader.

hmm more later i guess avignon is tiny but cheaper so i may stay a week.

so thanks to illy again, also for bringing the winter gear, i hope home isnt too dull for ya, we can go on road trips when i get back no? oooh i found the damn thing.
oh well beautiful people beautiful day beautiful cities,

oh thats something i wanted to tell everyone again just so u know, i am having a good time on this trip, i am meeting people and going places and doing cool shit this is not braggin just want u to know that the reason i may sound depressed and sad online, is only cuz i usually come online on the bad days so as to reconnect with friends and fam u know, so sorry for writing like badly. ha i write horribly. college will be great just profs giving me F's

pete it was great talking to you, but made me wanna come home, aimee u should send me your address via e mail so i can send u a post card, and illy too. and anyne else who wants one, i can use my x mas money.
peace and love cats taff

in a few mins im gonna go get a baguette or a crepe or something, cuz im starving. i didnt eat any meals yesterday, just snacked on granola bars and twix and such, while checking out the louve. That place is huge, took me 5 hours and i didnt even see everything. hmm check out the slp police report its funny this week. um what else, i been hanging out with a bunch of cats from all over, i tell them i smoke crack but they dont believe me. if u didnt check the comments on the last u should cuz there are apology type things. but um e mails no working, and im off to marseille manana.
Paris is great but i gotta go...

i really cant think of any stories to tell right now, i been thinking about all the people i have meet on the trip and im getting worried i will never talk to em again. i need to sit down with my address book and talk to some cats. um pete i have not called yet, i dont know when i will or can, but i shall try and it will probably be an afternoon call. like round 3 or 4 ur time.

hmmm in need of female energy.

enjoy urselves and someone else, take care in case i don see ya again uh happy holidays, remember to be thankful for the shit u been given. if the smoke crowds ur vision stop smoking.

thats another thing btw, i wont have affairs with exotic foreign women cuz they all smoke yo.

peace and love Taff

On another note, I am in paris.
I like it though its expensive, i dont know what to say about it yet so i will probably only make a few slight comments in this post, they will come from the top of my head not the bottom and will probably sound like raw unedited babble because they are.

First off thanks to Caroline for taking me in and being so very kind, and wonderful and generally just cool
(not the one in the previous post, though i'd like to thank her too) they both happen to be french.

Second And this follows the caroline being cool thing, so far i still havent run into a rude parisian (spelling?) they have all been nice so far and im actuall just waiting for the meanness to start but its all good really i wouldnt hold it against them. This city is amazing, i ty not to compare cities but this one is exellent, the weather could be slightly better, but thats not paris's fault nope it is not. They have an easy internet cafe so i can write long posts and e mails and such. Though everything else is mad expensive, like london. This old lady just walked in, in a clown costume now thats cool.

The sites are extrordinary (damn that no spell check)
I had a tender moment at notre dame not so much like moved by the place but i try to say a prayer in every holy place i visit, whether it be a mosque temple street corner hostel room, church whatever and todays prayer was a bit heavy. so i cried a bit oh well

i still smell, ungodly. I feel sorry for Illanit cuz if we do actually meet she will need some nose plugs.

hmm a note on the catholic church. Just cuz i dont believe the same things doesnt mean i dont respect people for their beliefs, and just cuz i dont like the whole art thing in religion doesnt mean i dont enjoy the art. So not bad mouthing the catholic church today, its like badmouthing anything else of course its shite at times, but it probably does a lot of good as well. Like the u s a
just cuz it sucks doesnt mean its fucked forever. We can change... give us time...


oh well its raining today so i think im gonna go on a bus ride, i will not see varsaille (sp?) hmm i've run out of shit to say (like u had any to begin with)

i find myself talking to me more often as you and not I or me or myself oh u do do you? oh yes I do or u do or something, shut up me.

Peace and love yall i will report back another day,

its possible i already typed this out oh here, but i accidently brought it with me so i pronised myself i would do it again, and if the typing is really bad, its the key boards fault cuz french keyboards are differnet, french keyboards u think to yourself, when did mike get to france? i will get to that in a second. first a glimpse into the mike of 1st semester senior year, (also sorry to the people i mention here)

"So apparently my lack of sleep makes me uncreative, unhealthy, unhappy, and generally bitter, mean and defensive.

or maybe im just sick fo you.

I feel the need ti vomit when thinking things like this, like it's physically unacceptable to think meanly, maybe i am sick, maybe i need time to myself, or a new group to bring me joy, new thrill, new wonder, new things to know, more knowledge to consume and thoughts to presume are the truth.

I been staring at this girl names Megan lately, well in the morning I am, in the afternoon I check out caroline--- both friendly Caroline a little more so than anyone in awhile.

She physically and emotionally throws herself at people like a net to catch something new.

I have avoided her nets or rather become a wall she slams into and bounces off
I proclaim Im to large too flat too stuck in my position to be netted and its true. Maybe a half week ago I told someone, (a certain someone) that i had stopped looking at other girls, and at the time it was true, do i need to say more?

Is it just me or do people get plainer everyday? faded jeans the same plain t shirts(and im included by the way) where is the youth rebellion cause for fighting the small things we bicker over and the grand things we will never change but nay contemplate about for a time,
the world is changing (geology)
if i spend a week
in silent isolation
quiet contemplation
secret segregation
will the equation change?
Am i a variable the answer or the method?

If i stop thinking of myself as a noun (like its possible) will the world or myself be any different.

If i stopped one day
If i died one day
If I lived one day"

thats that no more plamming on typing it

dont see glumness in it its glorified shite

whats new u ask? or maybe u didnt ask, but i wouldnt know would i? i answer u "no i wouldnt"

but anyway not much, i have been chilling around istanbul waiting for my plane tomorrow. Drawing, writing, talking, walking, checking out fishermen and fine young beautiful people. Watching cats play comp games as i wait for an open computer. Eating mini tukish delights.

I have been offered advice on france, cartooning and starting businesses in turkey/around the world. Um talked with cats about the differences, the similarities the good the bad and the monkey. Played myself a little jig on the imaginary fiddle. I got offered cocaine with my rolled up 5 million lira bill last night. Um i did a portrait of this guy at the hostel, but it was really bad but he likes me now anyway.

Um what else nothing really been sitting on my ass. This morning i had two breakfasts gluttonous human. found out canadians say "fuckin alberta" like we would say "fuckin texas" u know what im saying. I talked to this guy from chicago/brooklyn and a frenchman about the world both of them spoke with their hands and im sure i fit right in.

last night i talked to 5 men about kurdish people vs turkish people, it was an international crowd, 1 from each of these places, france malayasia(spelling?) panama, kosovo, me and a kurdish man who lives in istanbul. So that was interesting.

oh well its the 16th so just under 2 months left......
today is weird cuz i have no reason to be depressed, the future looks fun and fantastic, the sun is even shining very brightly but i am slowly slipping.

comments dont seem to be working so i will have to write an actual post, and im not writing anything real cuz i know its just gonna get erased

Jen and jess and elizabeth (all of whom should write me and say whats up) if u are still interested in the art vs sex thing u should check out belly dancing cuz seriously its a hard one. I was with me mom so i was like not feeling the erotic part (well mostly not) and it was still mad fascinating

for another vs coffee (warmth and caffeine) vs the possible effects of drinking the water.

really what do u do? its fucking freezing so u drink the damn coffee or the tea or whatever (the tea here is really good) but then u get sick saddddd

also if u dont enjoy the occasionaly squat and possibility of wiping with ur hand u should not come to turkey, or africa for that matter or many parts of asia, or s america i imagine. (never been there)

tambien the world spins to the left if u are looking north. also shouldnt winters in the southern hemisphere be colder than in the northern, because we are further away during our summer (their winter) yeah.

Yesterday was one of those beautiful days where u can see a blue sky and nice puffy clouds above the snow covered mountains, but we couldnt cuz we were in an undergroud city. Then later we couldnt cuz we were in this big gourge or whatever. then it became dark but first the mountains faded into the cloud and the clouds into the mountains and eveything was white. Also we got in a car accident as our van slipped on some ice. That was the simplified story of yesterday. was it good for u? no, well sorry. Hope u are having fun, sometimes u gotta jump on the mechanical bull backwards and when it knocks u out of the padded area dont be surprised.... it wasnt me enjoy urselves and someone else.
Peace and love yo no other reason to live at all Taff

ok it just happened again. i have had an impossible time on the internet in turkey. comments and posts get erased. websýtes dont come up and e maýls freeze get delayed or sent back or just erased so basically hours worth of time and money wasted. i been trying to get a hold of illy to tell her im not gonna be in france týll the 18th aimee if she is still around can u tell her please. errrrrrgggghhh i just spent an hour typing up stories for this damn thing and none of em around anymore. so basically it will be a week at least till i get anything of quality on here. or am able to write a decent e mail to anyone. sorry

i am very very irritated right now. i will try to stay in contact but not today its just not working 2 different cafes and nothing to show. i leave tonight for capadoccia (sp?) be back in a few days to istanbul then on the 17 th i leave spend a day in prague then the 18th paris (no more germany on the list) and hopefully meet up with illy if she is still in france. if not i spend a few weeks in france and then move south. my mom left today. it is snowing and i cannot communicate anything very upset for nothing. peace and love be better next time i talk to ya

so my mom ýs here and she has the dýgýtal camera (ý suppose thats one thýng ý kýnda wýsh ý had, lýke a dýgýtal camera or výdeo camera, but ýt would suck to have to take care of ýt) anyway so that means ý got some pýcs from my trýp but uh ý wont be able to put them up týll ý get back, so u wýll all have already heard the storýes and seen my haýr and shýt lýke that. But maybe ýts cool, um at the breakfast anytýme web page on the lýnks sýde (thýs guy who ýs a student ýn england rýght now) u can get some pýctures of turkey some of the shýt ý have seen here anyway and hes a really good wrýter (or at least ý lýke hým) so u can here about the places or at least hýs ýmpressýons. cuz ým lazy and he has a dýgýtal. I wýll say though that the cýstern thýng that he talks about ýs way ýmpressýve, especýally when they have an orchestra down there (wednesdays) whých we got to seeÝhear and well ýt was probably one of the most ýmpressýve beautýful thýng ý have ever heard. Turkýsh classýcal, not lýke tradýtýonal turkýsh musýc but classýcal musýc played ýn turkýsh style wýth theýr ýnstruments and ýt was more then heavenly.

um other than that, ý went ýn the blue mosque, aya sofýa, the palace, another couple places. We checked out a cemetary and a carpet maker. Lots of stuff yesterday was a pretty busy day.

I have na been sleepýng well ýn turkey. Some would say ýts the ýncredýbly loud techno turkýsh musýc playýng týll 2 but ý actually enjoy goýng to sleep to that.

ýts raýnýng today. we are near taksým square (check out hýs pýctures they are from last month ý thýnk, look ýn the archýves)

um yesh well ý wýll have to tell u more stuff another day. we are goýng to ephesus tomorrow and another place the next day.
so ý probably wont be able to use the ýnternet, maybe though.

um yeah ý am not ýn a proper wrýtýng mood, ý havena been thýs whole trýp. Not lýke a creatýve wrýtýng mood. I found thýs old journal ý was gonna keep last year durýng school, ýt had one entry ý wýll wrýte ýt ýn soon, cuz for some reason ý fýnd ýt ýnterestýng and therefor feel the need to bore u wýth ýt.

blah blah blah
ýts homeroom day ýts a fun day....

what would u do wýthout mr a? and becker besýdes be able to have the mandala work wýth the art staff? that may have come out meanly but ýts not ý understand why they dont, ý even agree to a good extent. however ýts true ýs ýt not?

ý wonder what my mom ýs wrýtýng about me rýght now at her computer?? hmmm ýnterestýng.

Third time is a charm.... (the last 2 got erased)

If u sent me any e mails in the past few days please send them over again, because i accidently erased a few. PLEASE SEND THEM AGAIN

and now a word on bussing with the Bulgarian Mafia.

So 3 cartons of tax free (in between boarders) camels is 18 Euro which is just under 20 which i believe is the limit for tax free goods or something, so 3 cartons at 18 times approx 18-40 passengers each time ah mad cash....

and in return they "buy" you soup at a local restaurant, ah yes now that is business. The funny old Italian woman next to me stole her 3 cartons but doesn't smoke, i guess coming from Malta though she is used to dealing with Mafia types. (stereotyping Sicily, sadddd)

and of course like any good Mafia associate i had to have a name, unfortunately mine was "Minnesota"

oh well that was the bus ride last night, 100 usd visa to get into turkey they were upset i had to pay in euros.



The funny old Italian woman's joke.

three men who stuttered went to the church for help. The priest told them if they sold bibles to people they would be healed.
So they all set out splitting up to go sell. At the end of the day, the 1st one came back, and the priest asked "how many did u sell?" he stuttered out "oonnnllllyyyyy onnneeee"
the second came back and the priest asked again "how many did you sell?"
the second one answered "IIIIII SSSSSSOOOOOLLLLDDDD TWWWOOOOO."
the third came back, and the priest again asked him the same question he asked the others.
"III SSSOOOOOLLLDDDD THHHEEEMMM AALLLLL." the priest amazed asked him "how did you do that?"

he answered "i TTTTOOOOLLLDDD tHHeeemmm ifffffff theeeeyyyy didddddddddddddnnnntttttt buuyyyyyyy onnneeeeeee iiiiiiii woooooouuuullllldddddddd keeeeeeeeeeeppppppp rreeeeaddddddddinnnnngggggggg iiiiitttttt ttotto theeemmmm."


ok so its not that funny but she was like 60.

so if u haven't figured it out, i am in Istanbul. Thats in turkey. This morning i woke up at a bus station and several friendly people helped me find my way to the hostel. I mean i would still be out looking if not for them, it was like hours away. But now i am in the old part of town like with the blue mosque and everything. In fact i could probably see it if i walked out the door. Um i meet my mom tomorrow at a hotel a few blocks away, that will be interesting. So believe them when they say "they ill try to sell you carpets."
"i have no need of a carpet" i tell them nicely.
"you would buy the carpet for 10euro no?" "no i would not buy the carpet for 1 euro"

but maybe i do like green eggs and ham u never know...


the grand bazaar or whatever was interesting a little bit crowded and too big but i saw all the clothes spices and gold i ever wanted to.

hmm what else can i tell ya, i walked along the shore and looked at asia. Its not so far from here u know, in fact its probably like 4 blocks from my hostel, and makes up (i think) the majority of this city.

the water is dark blue and light blue, and a little green. I saw a fisherman catch a big fish off the shore. His friends helped him bring it in and cheered him on.

i have very few mins left on my phone card so i will either have to buy anew one to call home or just not call ever. That means once again if u want something from me e mail me and i will send ya something. Like ur address would be helpful. yes most helpful. now i sound like one of these guys offering me drugged up drinks.

at around 4:30 or 5:30 (it was still dark i couldna see my watch) the praying began. Interesting sound. 5times a day but i haven't heard any more so maybe they only do the wake up one out loud.

i guess that is it for now.

The vision is pure now let it be you

peace and love

argghhh i just lost another whole post, so i am in sofia bulgaria. I am leaving in about 2.5 hours even though i really like it here. um its too cold though. lets see, aimee if u see illy tell her to send me her plans for france again, and if not i will just write her in a week. Uh what else. Budapest is cool. Met some cats there and in vienna and in italy and all over. I feel im failing this web journal thing, but i have stories written down i can write in later when im at home and have lots of free time. um today a rather attractive woman tried to pickpocket me. That was fun. she had the wrong pocket and was a bit too obvious. although there is a scary sort of vibe about eastern europe its still pretty damn cool. I mean if i had cats with me i would stay over here longer then western but its kind harsh alone. no one to be lost and confused with. no one to talk to on the 27 hour train trip from budapest to sofia. Which stopped in bucharest romania, so if u look at a map its a completely illogical route. Which is kind of an eastern europe thing. Um oh lots of shit and no way to say it. No time to say it in. These chicas i met in budapest were pretty sweet, one of them reminded me of nova like a lot. The other one (phoenix) told me about this commune in holland which sounds sooo cool but i can not go, probably not anyway. Maybe another time. Maybe its time to start a commune back home, kristen u up for it? after school maybe?

Hmm so my phone card is running out cuz i talked to my mom and dad a bit too much lately, but on thanksgiving my dad got my grampa on the phone and after explaining how we have been writing e mails and such to communicate my grampa said the funniest thing he goes "well this is my first time on the internet." (we were on a phone) my dad then explained it to him some more but it was great at the time. When i get back im gonna swap europe stories with my gramps, cuz i have never talked to him about the war days.

um i keep planning on coming back to places in the future, like a trip to north eastern europe and such but at the same time im not sure if im gonna wanna travel much after this, maybe in a couple years i will get the craving again. for now its like a satisfied craving. in 2 more months it willl be an exausted one and i will come home. full of theories and stories u guys wont want to hear, it will be great. I will start every sentence with "well back when i was in ______ ."

oh so fun. A little about eastern europe, u know Dave chappel (spelling?) when hes talking about getting taken to the ghetto, and not having time to prepare like mentally? thats what eastern europe is. You go from major city to shite in about 2 seconds and culture shocks follows and u feel like shit for being paranoid in your limo, so u stand at the slightly cracked window and throw money or advice to the baby selling drugs on the corner. You know?

actually though the drugs will be sleeping pills mixed into a bottle of water that u think is safe and u will fall asleep on the train and wake up without money or bags, its quite fun...

hmm but i like eastern europe alot in fact i have had more fun and i tend to meet cooler cats out here rather then in west (well so far) but its a bit hard when ur on ur own, like i said that 27 hour train ride kinda gives ur mind time to think some crazy shit, like about u being a spy working for the west infiltrating the east, or um being a city person going into the wild wild west or something. Never mind him hes just a bit loco.

oh well i guess thats it, my only problem with sofia is how all the maps use like english letters but all the street signs use the bulgarian letters so basically u never know where u are. yeah thats all i can think of the people have been very friendly and helpful (despite the rumors) and um i like seeing dogsd and cats who look healthy roving the streets i can see why Dominic would want to live here. Its a pretty sweet little town, (not actually little or a town) good night life too i hear, it seemed bumping all around town last night. oh yeah and there is music everywhere which is kickass for me since i dont have a cd player or anything but i must go tlling ya peace and love some actual stories later i have na even told about luigi (guitarist in venice) yet check ya later