Reading a book about how essential ritual is to work through grief and other emotional/spiritual processes. I have a weird relationship with ritual. There are times like At May Day or bare bones when I love it. There are times when I have felt like I am trespassing, or outside the circle even when invited. I don’t really know how to get over my stuff, but there is a deep longing for something sacred to break through, and invite me into being witnessed, in being part of something.
My roles have always been a reason to stay separate. I get annoyed talking about myself like this, but it feels real. I don’t feel like I belong, and never really have. So it’s hard…. I have a desire to create, lead, be part of something communal and sacred but I don’t know how to relate. I distance myself. I dunno…
Maybe I need drugs.
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