Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

Oh I remember what i was supposed to post about. (thats a promise to myself which carries either the most or the least weight)

So remember that heated argument I mentioned, the one i had with me older brother. So part of the reason he brought that up, (the part i understand the most) was just his sort of disappointment/fear of me not being able to realize my full potential and such because i let certain fears hold me back. (So now we will stop talking about him, but rather continue with that thought) So easy examples of this, say mu maker, (the band) mu maker has some extremely talented musicians, and they create and perform some incredible stuff, this most people can agree to. However several people have mentioned to me over the span of a few years, that they dont like mu maker, (and several other artists, like geoff "fish" and such) because they are holding themselves back, and such. Personally I understand this, because its really hard to see someone or something u care about remain unperfect or something. (i am screwing this all up) Its hard for me to see my friends making the same old mistakes. Its hard to see them never grow out of things. Its hard to see bands we like not create genious stuff that could inspire millions. Why are we making mistakes? Why arent we all gods? well cuz were human. We make mistakes, we allow ourselves to fail, we hold ourselves back. Why is this a problem? All your heroes have faults, your role models may fail you at times. Its ok though, its supposed to be that way, keep going, keep working for the better, "solve" one problem move on to the next and such.

I say "solve" (not the word but with quotations) because i dont really think we solve it at all, just put it off, or switch it to something else.

Before i left my dad (at the airport) was trying to teach me to stand up straight, act confident, be manly (i guess) over the past few months i started acting that way sometimes, I appeared more confident, i thought i was more confident. My brother told me it hurt him to see me holding myself back, i was in tears. My "confidence" failed me. It always will. Its fake, its a show. I can live on my own in europe for several months, but im afraid to eat onions, and millions of other things. I dont like to drink because i dont want to lose control of myself. "im not good on the phone" (a line i use often) because i fear the other person doesnt want to talk to me. Im insecure, i have issues, Im working on em. What else can ya ask?

Over the past few months, i have gotten to know people, people who had nothing in common, people who sometimes irritated me, people who no one else seemed to like, people who i loved, who i thought the world of, some of whom couldnt care less about me.
But in the end it all came down to people being people. You like some things about them, u hope the world for them, you wish they wouldnt hurt ya, or remind ya that both of you are human. You share ideas, dreams, material things, moments in time. You accept them for who they are, good and bad, hopefully both agreeing to work on it. nothing else..

One more post from my bro, which will be on top of this, probably.....