Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

Because i found these hilarious and they improved my mood a bunch i thought i would share, so my friend gavin writes
1\31\03

"You know they say that you cant park a tractor on your front lawn without first removing the fence , or running it down .

I still dont know about this as yet i have never wanted to park a tractor on my front lawn , but having said this i dont have a front lawn to want to park a tractor on , so this takes me back to were we started from does'nt it

But think of it would'nt a nice large lawn with green grass and a small statue of a naked dwarf on it be great , party's here and there , drinking , just sunning yourself on the warm grass dreaming about that naked drarf you saw in real life and how her curves were in a strange way erotic hmmmmmmm . All this and still no desire to park a fucken tractor in the middle of it all , the dwarf makes sense but the tractor no way .

Anyway all this aside the tractor is a great piece of machinery and has come a long way in modern years , now they are air conditioned , heated machines of beauty , yep i would like to own one some day , its not going to be parked on my lawn though and there is no fucken way im gona let anybody run my fence over to put it there , sorry but thats just the way its gonna be !!!!!!!! ......."

AND LATER IN THE WEEK
"Friday night , what a night , but saturday night , fucked up to say the least .

Once again i was out walking so my friend could "play chess " with a lady friend , you know what i mean , hint hint , anyway i stopped off for a meal and a beer , as is the case every time this happens , there i was having a nice meal and a beer when in walks a large angry looking man " dun dun dun daaaaaaaaa " ( music plays like in the movies ) he walks to the bar spurs janling and clinking AS he walks along ( sorry made that bit up ) anyway he takes a seat next to me at the bar and starts to have a very animated conversation in bolgarian to the other man next me , now i cant understand a word but i get the hint( i will call him "TAKO")

yeah thats good , anyway taco apears to have a large problem with man #2 he explains himself then turns to me and speaks , i return with my usual line " sorry english " ( this apears to be the best one to use because in most places this is as good as saying " sorry i am an ignorant piece of shit " they seam to like this a lot < to my surprise Tako didnt ,in fact i would go as far as to say that at that moment Tako began to seriously dislike me !! < How can this happen?? in all the places i have been i have only had about 65 percent of the people dislike me and i usualy i have to speak more for this to happen !! .

Crap , well here i was with Tako saying abusive things to me then as if to prove a point he had to then show me his rather large pistol !!!!!!! just in case i couldnt understand him , then to make his point more he asks in broken english "What do you do now "!! ( well this was what i understood anyway , he could have been trying to sell me his cow , but i wasnt going to ask him to repeat himself !! , well what could i do ?? i i promptly downed my beer ./................. Then ordered another and one for Tako , this and the big smile i gave him appeared to unsettle him a bit and he left me alone , maybe he figured i had a bigger gun than him !! , who knows.

Then later on i had a girl blaming me for the problem with the world !! , come on i know i can be a prick but i didnt cause it all !! , whats wrong with these people ???? , anyway if i had my big shining tractor with air conditioning in the cab none of this would happen !! , thats what i think , well lets see who i run into tonight , maybe Tako will come and buy me a beer , i mean fuck i at least thought we were going to buy rounds ..."

"I wrote this the other day ,but the pc died

What i was asking was a question i had been stumped by " How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood ??"

Now i was having a couple of problems with this , firstly and the most important was that i have no idea what i wood chuck does , what it looks like or anything , shit i could be sitting on one and not know this , so how was i to know how much wood it would chuck ??? , but then the next bit gets me " if it could chuck wood "" haaa now with a name like this i would be guessing that it could indead chuck wood , maybe it doesnt , maybe the fucken thing has no intention of chucking wood at all !! , maybe its a lazy animal ?? , I dont know !! strange !! , i think i will look this up on the internet , the doctors let me on for an hour a day , they are nice ........ "