Focus

That's an aspirational title. Right now I feel very unfocused. Multitasking poorly. I took the day off to prep for up north. My mom asked us to go up there as a family for her birthday -so I will leave tomorrow. 3 nights. Sounds like its gonna be in the 40s. There were fires last week. Too dry in May...

I had a dream last night in which I left friends to go on an adventure. I was riding on some sort of train or bus with R, everything I touched felt oily and gross, and I felt suffocated as people came aboard. I decided that I needed to get off and walk home, though I wasn't really sure where I was. Eventually I gave R some money to give to someone else (the teacher maybe?). It was kind of a weird thing, not sure who that other person was. Once I got off the train/bus, I checked my phone and realized I was much further away than I'd thought. I was in a city -one of those far off suburbs that became an exurb, and then a suburb, so it has its own history and culture. I was curious. Maybe I'll walk through this city, and then when I get closer to things that are familiar I'll take a bus -I figured. But before I could, I needed to say goodbye to the LNAS folks... where did they come from? No idea, but they were dillydallying. We were in A's apartment I think, and I hadn't seen some of these teachers in years. I was checking in, but not really wanting to get into anything. I was eager to get on my adventure. I said my goodbyes. V told me to get jamaican food or something. I had two paths in mind, one led through a park, the other through an old downtown (like mainstreet).  

When I woke up, I thought it was interesting how in both cases I felt so uncomfortable amongst friends. I was ready for an adventure. I was eager to get away. 

Though I am wanting to celebrate my mom, I kind of feel similarly about this weekend. If I had 5 days off, I'd spend it writing my book. I am hoping to, for part of my time... but being surrounded by others doesn't lead to that usually. 

I am listening to tarot right now. She is like "not internal reflection, outward action."  I am doing the opposite today. My personal spread was Hermit, Star, Fool, High Priestess, Devil, underlying Ace of Pentacles. Almost all major arcana. Maybe that means something. 

My plans for today... do some Spanish. Work on a gift. Go to the bank and get gas. Maybe take a walk. Not much else. I might watch Foundation while I work on the gift... I had considered going to a coffee shop to brainstorm ideas, but I think that was just an excuse to get out of my apartment. 

Everything is so expensive now. 

This week was pretty busy. 5-6 meetings each day. I finished up my notes last night and felt relieved. I need a break. Yesterday I had 6 guys, 4 of them between 50-mid 70s. Cranky in all different ways. I can see myself becoming that if I am not careful. 

Not sure what else to day... I guess my brain isn't fully on...