A day

It was mostly a good day. I accomplished what I had hoped to, minus the things put off till tomorrow like dishes, and sweeping and a hair cut. 

By 10 I was out the door, by 10:30 writing. Around 1pm I went for a walk. At 4 I went to see a strange movie. 

After the movie I started writing again. 

Made dinner.

Started writing again. 

Its nearing 10 pm, and I am losing steam for the writing in front of me... but I have learned its ok to take breaks. 

When I was going to the movie, I was hit by this wave of longing for a gf. I know it had something to do with seeing so many people out with their partners on the walk, and at the coffee shop. I know it had something to do with a desire for a date to a movie. I know it had something to do with the idea that E is probably dating that guy, and passing by the place M and I went on our first date. I know it also had something to do with the horoscope and tarot readings this morning, which seemed to promise that sometime today I should be open to meeting someone...  its a weird kind of hope... the one based on people just telling you to hope, and not repeat the same old patterns when love comes walking up. 

But even my own reading today was the Lovers, the Hierophant, the Strength card, and the two of swords. The reading told me to connect, to trust, to believe that good things were coming and I just had to open my heart to meet them. 

So I am feeling a little lonely... feeling a little yearning.  

I dunno. Tonight I could have gone downstairs and maybe met someone in the shared areas... but it seemed to feel better just writing in my own space.

What will tomorrow bring?

In my book right now I am writing about a sort of priest type guy who in the midst of a communal ecstatic experience, is made aware that he and his wife are in danger. And it is very traumatic for him, because he was blissed out, and then brought back to a reality in which is wife is furious at him, his friend is dead, another friend is lost in shame and horror, and he is trying to stay in denial, in the spiritual, but keeps being brought out of it. 

It's tricky to write, because he is in sort of a daze. But I feel like I can sort of relate in that, I feel very blessed today, but also very lonely, I guess that's what I am saying.