Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I am sitting around feeling tired, and lonely.
I go online and realize she has changed her profile picture on facebook. She never updates anything on there. She chose a new picture that is less beautiful (no, that is just what I am telling myself to not be enamored), but instead I am aware that I don't recognize the location. It is green. Was it taken before? Was it taken recently? Was it taken with someone else? Was it taken with someone else in mind?  Certainly.
I feel a rush of pain, of heat, of confusion, slight nausea. It is mild in comparison to how I have felt it before. I breathe through it, get through it. But now I am tighter. I crave more, and yet, I am also aware that it will be painful. I wish she would write me, tell me that all the things I have learned about her and myself and our relationship since we broke up are misguided. Tell me that she has changed. That she can't live without me.
It is a fantasy. A temptation.
It has nothing to do with reality and I become aware again how easy it would be for me to lose my own path.
How content I was with her. How I would have stayed forever even though it would have remained eternally off balance and I would have continued to lose myself.
Have to learn to let the universe fill my cup again.
but maybe one more look.