I asked for an extra appointment and my therapist can’t get me in. I started writing to a friend, and decided not to. This is part of my issue eh.
Hope this is ok. I’m trying not to draw lines in my family… Got in a fight with my step mom last night, she was “both sides…” and “the protesters were breaking property- I was scared of them.” She seemed to imply Alex Pretti and Renee Good had basically caused their own deaths. My dad seemed to be more on her side. I walked out shaking with anger, and drove too fast across the cities, rather than say all the things I was thinking.
I’m struggling to figure out
what the right response is… I’ve been fighting this same fight over and over since I was a teenager almost every time I’ve apologized for saying something mean while not conceding anything, and we have gone on, trying to find common ground. This time I didn’t say anything, but I spent the night wondering if I ever wanted to talk to her or my dad again and if so, why…
This time feels so personal that it’s hard not to be furious. I’m shocked at the utter lack of empathy.
But then the problem is that it reminds me of all the times my step mom (with my dad trailing behind her) put herself over us. Eg, since their affair broke up my family, and my dad snuck around for years breaking promises to us because he was looking out for her.
Every other time we’ve had political arguments, I could at least point to their good qualities and say… well maybe we can agree on that… I knew this would happen in the current climate and have been avoiding this discussion as best I can. But now it’s out in the open.
It feels like all my respect, and any trust I had, have basically evaporated. I feel like fundamentally I shouldn’t have to argue over the worth of another human being, or why I don’t want the government sending soldiers into my neighborhood, or why a hotel window doesn’t matter when another person may never see their loved one again… but I guess that’s where we are at.
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