Tummy aches

One of the fun things about life is that everything is connected.
Sometimes I can't tell the difference between anxiety that is causing me to have a stomach ache, and a stomach ache that causes me to feel anxious. What a human, eh?

Today I am feeling very lazy, or rather, I want to do the opposite of what I "should" do. I should do work, I should eat healthily, I should get out of bed, I should reach out to friends, I should do more exercise and drink more water. I have done some of it. But I have a stomach ache, and I am in bed, and I don't really want to work on a friday afternoon, and the consequences will probably hit me either way, so I am punishing my future self... apparently... for my desire to be obstinate today.

I am reading some Teal Swan on Loneliness.
I am gonna pick up The Enneagram of Belonging in a moment and start from the first chapter.
I know I need projects and day dreams to be motivated for the future, but I am struggling because I have a stomach ache, to move away from the present. Sickness is weird that way. I feel a little under the weather, so everything becomes meh.

I keep going back in time. Replaying old stuff. Thinking about things related to old relationships.
In my book I make a lot of references to relationships as gravity, some people's mass pulls me.
But I am also doing some healing. Or at least I think so. I don't know what healthy boundaries look like, what delaying gratification looks like.

I keep wanting new stuff in my life, and not making room, not setting it into motion. I can't figure out how to create the situation for newness to come in -especially during quarantine.