Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I should be going to bed.

I know distance makes the heart grow fonder and all, but I think in my case its a weird situation. I sometimes forget about them all together. I was looking through these pictures on facebook (here I will go get them-oh that is shitty you can't steal pictures from facebook anymore --specifically I was thinking of this one).  I remember this day. I remember being slightly annoyed and anxious with the situation at hand, but also totally in love with the people around me. But I don't talk to them often... you know... I don't see Ryan (who just got married Congrats! I don't see Pete) I do see Shultz, but sometimes she is super busy.  

Anyway tonight is about none of them... but it is funny how when you don't see someone and then suddenly see them again its easy to love them. Its easy to get flooded... as was the case tonight, with Gabi and Kelsey and they were beautiful. I have always though Kelsey was wonderfully interesting but more and more I just like her as a person...  like her flaws, like her self absorption and her self consciousness, her assertiveness raw and only second guessed years later, her slight hearing impairment her wonderful creativity and her life experiences... that deepfelt love she carries with her and struggles through  and you can tell she is still holding it even years later...  Not to mention her natural diet and sweaty self just smelled so naturally humanly beautiful and good. 

But really how many times can I say it, I just sat and stared at Gabi, who seems to be more and more beautiful every time I see her, or maybe its just ok for me to admit it now that she is married. Gabi who is socially conscious and driven like no one else. Who is focused and spacey at the same time. Who is brilliant and warm and easily annoyed but not as easily as she used to be. Who is learning how to take care of herself and love herself and love others too. Gabi who gets to grow in leaps and bounds every time I see her, and who reminds me of special times and special places in my heart, because when I am overwhelmed with my love for her it spills out and out with it comes my love for all those other special friends, the ones I see once a week and the ones I don't see now. 

That's a beautiful kind of suffering you know.  We talked about that at church, is suffering good?  oh yes, suffering is beautiful sometimes... bittersweet but I am quite adept at enjoying that sugar you know. 

Oh I wish 

wish things that won't happen, with time that isn't there, and opportunities that can't exist, and realities that would make me far too vulnerable... but oh I wish none the less... 

Wish for conversation and the enjoyment of eyes and smiles that evaporate too soon, but they were there, I saw them. 

Well that's enough vague language for one night... no, I spent too many hours this weekend waiting for something new

As the kids say these days, I am disappoint