5 or so things
One more thing that bothers me (as if you cared) is when my students share some unasked for and blatantly disrespectful “honest” opinion they have (“I think __person A____ looks like shit”) . When asked why they bothered to share, they always say something similar to “What, I’m just being honest.” as if that lets them off the hook for being an asshole. –Yet that isn’t the reason it really bothers me. It bothers me because they speak of honesty as if it is sacred, as if what they are feeling or thinking in that moment will be ever-present… when clearly it won’t. For instance maybe they are just crabby, or haven’t had enough to eat, or have a headache, or are missing information. They refuse to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, and what’s more, they refuse to give themselves a chance to change.
Now in the moment I think we all do this. I think it’s natural enough to have an outburst, but to then defend it and claim it as the most important thing… is silly. It is limiting, it is non-relational because it is non-negotiable and in general it serves almost no function other than to protect one’s ego, but even in that it is self-defeating.
Still, we all do it.
So tonight I got frustrated by someone’s facebook posting and made some not so nice comments, basically saying that people shouldn’t buy into this crap… but I forgot to give my friend the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t ask any question. I didn’t assume equal footing, or that he had a headache or hadn’t eaten. I assumed he was being dimwitted… and I was mad about it. But just a few minutes later I realized I wasn’t really mad at him, I was mad at the system which divides the two of us into thinking we are against each other when in reality we are both out for the same thing. I am angry, but not at him.
Yesterday I read this thing about how in movies if you make someone appear to be an underdog they will almost always be liked by the audience (even if in reality they are not an underdog).
A different friend had a light stolen off his bike and he wrote something about how he had bought it to protect himself from dying, and in the first version he wrote something to the effect of “my life is probably more important than the thief’s” and this bit of egocentric ranting infuriated me. Later he changed the message (no longer his honest belief I guess) and I am glad… but I think my rage was not only for the lack of humility but also because I generally perceive someone who steals to be someone in need. My friend is not in need… there for though it is a sad fact of life… well that’s what we get for having such inequality in our society right? You get a $20 light stolen of the bike you ride for fun, while someone else can’t even afford a bike.
Anyway…
You’re looking sharp.
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