SO Last night we celebrated Eagan's move to Madison with Ethiopian food (I abstained), home videos, Ghost Writer and Korean Karaoke. It was an interesting time to say the least.
In the dirty fun of it all I think there was a lot of love shared. Definitely a lot of joy. A lot of alcohol, some flirtation and the possibility for good conversation in the hall that increasingly became smelly.
We sort of trashed the place in the 5 hours we were there... but it was super fun.
At one point some of us started discussing the process of growing up. How we don't miss being younger, how we are looking for romantic partners who are established, how we have given up our day dream idealism for something more real.
At one point a few of us walked to Mesa Pizza in Dinkytown and I was overwhelmed by the feeling that I was too old to exist in that place where as not too long ago I felt fairly at home there.
At Spirit of Truth today we discussed whether lamenting and the process of suffering can be a holy thing, or a good thing. Most agreed that the process itself is not holy but the opportunity for good that comes with it can be. I slightly disagree with that, because I don't see any problem with calling the lead up to something special
"good" even if it is painful.
Afterwards some people described scenes from funerals in which lots and lots of people gathered and wailed and cried together... which seems more human than what we do.
It reminded me of the poem I wrote after my uncle's death, it reminded me of one of the funeral I went to for my student's mother.
I have been thinking a lot about jail lately. About the process of getting caught, humiliated, abandoned and despised. About the process of rehabilitation and finding meaning in suffering. I don't know why.
I also recently reread this piece I wrote 2 years ago and thought it was still fitting for this time in my life. I wonder when I will be up for the challenge?
You have been waiting for something easy. Something that just CLICKS into place. She says “hello” and without thinking you ask her to marry you, not because you have lost it, or in a bout of desperation but because the soothing tone in her voice the look in her eye her body language triggers some inner part of you that knows this is forever. That easy.
What will I do tonight?
Friends?
Movie?
Computer Game?
Painting?
Reading?
Sleeping?
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