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 What to do with your imagination today? 

Journal? Predict the future? Write a story that feels less important now that we are living through a coup? A business plan?  Imagining the future during unpredictable times. Reach out to a friend? Recall a memory? 

 

The other day I did a brief journal prompt, 5 alternative lives (life’s?).

It was interesting to have the same exact things come up… the fisherman by the sea, the teacher, the pastor, the writer, the traveler.  I couldn’t think of any others that call me… Maybe I could imagine the communal living guy… family and a garden that I don’t really know how to attend to. A bunch of produce I don’t actually eat. Maybe I could imagine owning a theater or a coffee shop or an art gallery, or a communal space… but all of these are just variations of business and I am already having those difficulties. 

 

One of the things that was startling was that they were all such introverted, non-familial pursuits. I guess I have been in my own head for so long that its hard to imagine a home life.  Maybe that is where me and Elsa were so different. She could only envision home life, and I can only envision a public one? A role?  That’s probably too simplified. 

But what does it mean that when I am asked to imagine a different life it is so hard for me t imagine a family these days… or it isn’t really, its just hard to imagine how that comes about and or leads me forward. It’s not the priority I guess. 

 

It makes me think about what kind of Father I would actually be… if my mind is consumed with role. Would I appear pretty distant and not invested in my kiddos? Would they know I care? Would I be warm? Would they be the center of my world, or just a prong outwards?  And how do I feel about that. I don’t know. 

I suppose, I’ve always assumed I would adapt when the opportunity presented itself, but maybe because I haven’t prioritized it, it hasn’t happened. 

I assume I will meet someone in a magical way (they walk in the door), or become friends with a coworker or something and it will become a relationship (as my most recent experiences have been). I have dreams about people I have loved, and those I will love, and I look for these faces wherever I go. But who knows… maybe they are not real, just an amalgamation of faces I’ve see in the real world. 

 

If we are not imagining, then are we really working towards anything?

Have I taken enough time lately, to just sit and create?

 

At the end of the exercise, the next question was around, what would you do if money weren’t an issue… and the truth is, I’d do more of the same. I’d write, and create, I’d seek out spiritual opportunities and travel, I’d work with people, teach, listen, counsel… I might have a little more security and property and I might use that as a place to hold space for others… but generally, it would be the same.  

I haven’t necessarily given up on the idea of a school, or a community center, or a spiritual center…   or a van by the ocean. I just have more perceived limitations than I used to believe.

But that could change. I’m not pushing it away… just not necessarily reaching. 

This whole business thing has really made me aware of how difficult it is for me to do things that I’m not good at… its like doing math, it’s like doing unwanted logistical legal work… its… tedious and I hate it. Hopefully once it is established, I can get into the habit of the upkeep, and just focus on what I care about… but whatever.

 

 

I’m getting warm in this coffee shop, and I am aware it is getting busier… and my skin is dragging against the surface of the table… and I kind of hate it. I want to be in public spaces for the opportunity, but I also don’t really want to be here anymore. 

 

Maybe my sugar level is dropping and its time to go get groceries or something…

That was more scarcity… what about abundance?  

 

Abundance looks like, knowing spring will come again.