January 2013

Tomorrow is my last day of "break" though of course I have the weekend.  I made an appointment finally with the investment guy for my 403B retirement plan thing. I have been meaning to do that for like a year and a half.   My company matches money now... I think I am going to say "invest this in the high risk/high reward"  shit, because I already have some more conservative investments. Its all unethical so might as well gamble with this tiny amount. A few bucks from each paycheck.

I am also either having fro yo or lunch with Lacey tomorrow. Then I am not sure,  I have some things to do at work if I want to do them. I also could spend the day painting chairs (for work) or painting my neighbors house (she was evicted), my housemates have taken on the work to get a discount on rent. Or I could spent my last day reading and drawing as I had planned for this week. The reading is going well, finished a book today, finished a different one yesterday. I haven't been doing any writing. Hard to know what I think lately, all up and down, very disorganized, very emotional.

Russ asked me to come to his b day party tomorrow night... another option.

Saturday, Sunday and Monday will be pretty busy. Then I think I have to figure out if I am taking a class at MCTC and quick! Spirit of Truth is having a meeting on Monday night. 

I should also figure out whether I am going to try dating again... or rather for the first time. I told myself I would take more chances this year... more courageous leaps without looking.  That seems like one. 
I have been having doubts about whether I will actually leave this year... maybe next?  I think I would have to figure it out for sure by March... and by March there will be no more information than now as to the future of my school. Do I take a leap and hope the job is there when I am done? Do I leave my coworkers hanging?  Just doesn't seem like me. Not when ideally the reason I take these kinds of trips is to teach and explore. to be able to share after...

My dad and I are texting about age.  He asked if I feel 29 (30ish?)   its weird, it just donned on me a few days ago that if I wait a year to take the trip, I will be 30. 30 is old. James is married and has a house at 30. Where is my ________that__________?   Am I married to travel?  My Dad says he sometimes feels like he is 30, sometimes like he is 60.  I don't write about my parents very often. They play a pretty solid role in my life, I think I take them for granted.

I went out of town last week to Duluth and it was great. Then when we got back we had a party and it was ok. Then we had house guests for a couple days and boy was I crabby. I think it was too much time around people mixed with jealousy, mixed with typical holiday frustration and resentment. I always feel like everyone else is happy on holidays and that I am expected to be, and that I can't possibly be.  There is too much reflection and mixed emotions involved...
I was surprised in that I was particularly jealous of the relationship that formed between one of my roommates and one of our house guests. They just hit it off and enjoyed each other's company in a variety of ways.

I got to this particular point of annoyance and then this girl I have been messaging back and forth with on Okcupid emailed me and suddenly I was much more smiley.  I think I crave special attention. Hard to know if that will go anywhere or if it is just a reminder to be open.

I bought 7 cds yesterday.  Twin Cities Funk and Soul, Godspeed You! Black Emperor's 'Alleujah! Don't Bend! Ascend!,  311's Universal Pulse, Doomtree's No Kings, P.O.S's We Don't Even Live Here, John Frusciante's PBX Funicular Intaglio Zone, and the Mars Volta's Noctourniquet

Some of it is great, some of it I am less impressed with. I had been listening to a lot of POS's earlier stuff and forgot that he has headed in more of a pop direction. I like his lyrics still, but the sound is less interesting to me. I like some of the Doomtree tracks, Godspeed is great, twin cities funk and soul has some good stuff, john frusciante is always a little weird and I haven't had a chance to listen to noctourniquet yet but I am sure it will be weird.
I didn't go to the store for any of these, but they had these cds and not the one I went there for... so.

The last few days I have been reading this book   The Dispossessed   which Jared gave me for xmas.  I really liked it on the whole, I really liked the political aspects and social commentary, I really liked the spiritual aspects and the writing style. But one thing I wasn't expecting was the relationship in the book to draw me out. There were moments reading about the main characters relationship with his partner that made me feel really deeply touched... similar to how I feel in my dreams sometimes. The author did a good job of pairing away all the jumble and for a few paragraphs touching on something deeply heartfelt.

Anyway, I also just like sci fi... makes me feel like the world has possibilities. I don't remember what I wrote last on here... but I think for the most part I have spent my days looking at old photos, reading, surfing the web and listening to music.

Not much to report. Hopefully getting back to work will be ok...