thoughted

Today we did this exercise in class called "feelings pie."   You take a circle, divide it into the major divisions of your life (family, friends, alone, work, school etc) based on how much of your free time you spend with each.  Then you color in the sections based on how much of your time with that group you are happy, angry, sad, anxious etc.   
I realized during the exercise that my answers right now are completely different from what they would have been a few months ago.  A few months ago I would have been angry sad and anxious far more than I am now,  its not that the feelings are gone. But they are not so overwhelming.   I colored my pie with a lot of orange which was the color to represent happiness. I think even in my anxiety, sadness and anger I am happy right now. Maybe not this minute, but in general.
Last night I realized I hadn't done one of my OCD behaviors in a while when in a moment of indecision I counted the tiny lights on a digital clock. This tiny gesture used to be the way I made all my decisions. I would wait, sometimes hours for the right number of tiny lights.  It came so readily in the past that I was almost shocked last night when I realized I hadn't been doing it very much lately. I think if I am honest I have probably done it 2-3 times this week... but in the past I would do it several times a day on a good day.  On a bad day it was like... I couldn't do anything.
I guess I am noticing things like that on a lot of levels... like my anxiety has just lessened.

Tonight so far doesn't seem to be a good example, I am tired, a little crabby. I wanted to go to this meeting and also didn't want to go.  I think I was hoping there would be something exciting if I went, like a new friend or a new lover, possibilities... but I am not actually in the mood to put mental energy into solving problems that are not my own.

Anyway the point of this is that I think I have been doing well,  maybe a little sleepy... but good, happy, thankful.