One More of Me

Now that the day has come

I see myself as everyone

I am whats all around me
No, nothing it just cannot be
Feeling has come from the sun

Like most everything and everyone

What seems lost is free from the force that slowly destroys us

And kills all matter off


Well, we don't control the chance that plays with us

And we get existence back by hurting others

And when we go the other way its ourselves we hurt

But who pushes on though eventually will see

Every moments first

Every moment is first

Whats gone will never come back

But it exists when you think of it
And what is anything, anyway

But a series of things running through your brain


All of the fucked things you do

Are the product of whats happened to you

Whatever you create from love


Is a gift from the place which some call above

Theres only the forces of hate and love

One breaks things down and one builds them up.

I think its funny how quick my mind becomes meaningless, my actions seem purposeless, my waking a mistake, my existence a chore, my desires a weight, my needs a chain. I wander from this place to that and each in search of something not quite reality, then sit in a hostile state until I return to my prisoner's cell, addicted to the glow screen, candy, food, porn, wake to do it again.

Briefly I was out of this when Illy called and we had a real conversation.

When Victoria called and I was back to the heat.

I know it will be over soon enough, but I hope tomorrow isn't like today, where each grasp at something real seems too outside my range. Reminds me of the year I call my depression in high school, when I chose to embrace it. Illy mentioned the demons and I think one took hold of me recently enough.