Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman: Manhole of Memories

The title comes from an Ani Difranco song I used to love and by that mean always will.
I remember listening to that cd on repeat for a summer along with Curtains by Frusciante and I know I have talked about both of those cds and the memories of that summer... so I will not bother further.

Today I saw a boy get hit by a car. I say boy not because he was that young, maybe my age maybe a few years younger, but because he was far too young to have his life taken, he hadn't yet lived (and I hope will have the chance still) my coworkers said the crowd thought he was in his 30s, but crowds are not good at judging ages... the way I used to not be able to tell who was a early 20 something and who was a teen, and now the difference is usually visible. My coworkers had to stop people from further mangling him, with misguided attempts at revival... while he shook there, where I could see his legs twitch making the 911 call that much harder to figure out. It was my 3rd call to 911 so far this year and they don't get much easier.

I think this boy will be ok but its harder to focus on the roads now and that is the opposite of what should be happening.

I didn't see him hit the truck, I heard him hit it and between the hit on the truck and the hit to the ground I saw him flying something like 6 feet in front of the truck, later a dent in the red painted hood, a driver and passenger who I am sure will never really understand what happened pulled in front of our building (just slightly away from the intersection)to be questioned by the police.

I don't know who was at fault and I don't want to blame, I distracted my dad a few days ago as he carelessly reversed into a biker's baby carriage -which thankfully was vacant of a passenger and I saw how shaken the father on the bike was... wanting to point to damage that wasn't really there, but the real damage was the possibility that everything could be taken so easily, so carelessly, because a passenger was talking to his father... a simple distraction.

So I can't imagine what its like to hit a person, only know it was more devastating than the possibility and that seems incomprehensible.

We didn't know who was hit lying there convulsing in shock induced seizures in the middle of our busy intersection... it could have been any one of our students or one of the workers from the countless places we shop at in the area... or one of the people who bum cigarettes from our kids, or one of the 50 thousand people who pass through the busy ass intersection of Nicollet and Franklin.

I have almost hit people there and now with the construction its even more fucked up. Too many people... too many machines intent to murder.

I can't count how many times my students have run in front of cars on these streets and any of them could have been killed finally realizing they aren't invincible at the ultimate cost.

One of the students with me in the room ran out to watch, he said he does well with traumatic things, reminds me too much of my bad side. Another started breathing heavily and didn't know what to do, another started worrying that she too would start to seize up (recent medical condition) and another ran to the bathroom to throw up.

I called 911 for the third time this year to report something I wasn't even sure of, while my co-workers ran into the street and took control of a crowd that would have made things worse, took off their clothes to cover wounds, and started directing traffic until paramedics arrived. Once they had that in order I got to corral students away from the accident because they don't even know what they are exposing themselves to. And I guess we've been through enough now that we don't need to think or plan we just act and deal with the hyperventilating and shaking and realization that we don't have enough clothes on afterwards. It makes me really proud of my co-workers, like I see them every day doing battle against incredible odds with little to no recognition and they just wake up and come in looking like shit again the next day.
Coffee gets us going and then we do it again.

I came home really upset because an hour or two after this event we had to do battle with one of our administrators who is basically saying that within a year or two we will have to cut a staff member, or add more students to a school that will not function at that capacity.

My coworkers are burnt out, starting to think about other options, continuing to give their all at the expense of their health, relationships and sanity and our administrator who makes 3 times what I do, who makes twice as much as my boss and who is getting a raise bigger than ours... Says there are no options to cut our budget at the administrative level even though we point out options trying as hard as we can not to jab or stab at him personally. He undermines us, pushes his own agenda and then calls foul when we don't trust him, and the thing is... I would, I would trust him if I didn't think he was putting himself before his work... I mean I guess that is good boundaries but this is alternative education... where people can't be unionized because they won't agree to work less hours, because they put the students welfare above their own pay raise, where thousands from our salaries are probably going right back into the school making up the budget gaps he hadn't noticed yet.

Don't tell 5 overworked assholes with no boundaries and lots of heart that they can't have their way... we'll fuck you up....

(that's the funniest thing I have ever written).