Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

My body decided to pay me back for not getting any sleep over the weekend... thus it is 8:15 and I been awake for over and hour... plus i don't have anything to do but homework and fuck around till 11ish....

Dreams

In one dream I was told what my poem for the day would be. A woman came out and looked in my car and said something about how each of those is a bullet, destroying another life... (she was looking at birth control) so my metaphor poem using a household object is fairly done...

in another dream, Hacia de Ir, a band I saw in Barcelona, were professors of music world renown for jamming and what not... and they gave a lecture while playing... and nearing the end, when many of us were too excited to comprehend... the lead violinist (i think)
said something about all of us closing our eyes, and trying to join the line to the register of the widow or something like that...
as if there was a line of widows in front of a cash register... but what he meant was... embracing the pain, freedom, mourning, unknown etc of life... like when your partner dies, and suddenly you are unaware of who you are anymore.
and he used that to describe getting inside the music, letting it move you, feeling the complexity and abundance of life and death.

Steve
I was talking to my little brother last night... or maybe the night before... and it seems as if he is getting back on track... figuring out who he is, excited by life again... involved... i hope this is true. he has been struggling for a while.


feelings
A) I feel really sort of betrayed, but I'm not sure by whom... i mean i know who i feel anger to, but i feel like its me I should be angry with because I'm allowing it, pursuing it.

B) I feel regret, or unease, at not being supportive to a few people right now... not making the extra effort to reach out to them... unsure what my message would be, unsure what my place is, and usually this comes to some sort of tension and then breaks... but what happens when the person is far away?

C) I feel really dissatisfied all of a sudden, not so much that i am not aware of all the blessings... but its that ballerina stretching... is contentment enough? my heart seems to say "never" from the eastern religion pov it means im not doing so well. from the western pov it means i am part of the system.

Upcoming
I still havent decided whether i want to go to this concert on the 16th... its in the cities... i want to go, but is it worth the effort?
Today i should find out if im in the ed program... i guess... or something...
lots of fun homework...
vagina monologues this weekend....
loss of selfknowledge....