this weekend will be a 2 post thing... me thinks.
Well first as you can tell, its the hair that has changed... or is it?
The other day I was thinking about cutting my hair. I made some half assed comments to Alicia, in jest mostly...but then I returned to my room and looked in the mirror.
You see lately I have been struggling a lot with the way I look. I think I made some comments about this in the last few months. Mostly, I have been thinking I am gaining too much weight.... but it hasnt really made much sense because I havent been eating much at all... and i started looking at myself and thinking about the places I have gained weight and realized I been struggling against something that in inevitable... I am my family.
It was most noticable with my cousins... but even James... around their early 20s they suddenly changed... they were no longer the little boys, the tiny athletic kids they used to be... and even when they were in shape they had gained that bit of pudge. It aint nothin really... I mean i can feel my muscles under... but every time i looked in the mirror it made me feel bad... and I realized that part of the problem... is that for about 10 years now i have been wanting to see myself as the skinny 13 yr old I was at one point. weighing in at 115 lbs 5'11 long hair and skinny. (of course even then i thought i was overweight...) but my arms and legs havent changed that much, hell i havent even been able to grow any more hair on my face... so why should the rest of me change?
Its genetics... my gramps looks this way... my cousins look this way. I know a lot of you are going , what is he talking about... but none of you have seen me without a shirt on.
so anyway... i was looking in the mirror after joking with alicia... and I suddenly realized I am not a 13 year old anymore and if im trying to be, that aint right... so I figured I needed a change...
now Im not saying i wont grow it out again, or that my 23 yr old self has a crappy mohawk...I mean in reality shaving probably makes me look younger... im saying... i needed to change my image of myself...
and hopefully this external view will help as according to my friends I havent had short hair since I was in little league (in reality the last time i had a full head of short hair was when i was 12, my last professional hair cut)
(the real reason for the mohawk is that I doubt i will have a chance again for a long time and always wanted one.... soon I enter the adult world... and Im ok with that... Im almost ready... just a mohawk to start....)
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