Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

Having an overactive imagination is really a curse sometimes...
like when you are trying to get to sleep, and keep coughing, but then you convince yourself that that cough is the first symptom of the cancer that will kill you in three months. And you start planning out the days... and how you need to see everyone... how to balance chemo and shit like that... with the plane flights to see those who couldnt come back right away. How do best say goodbye to people that have made life worth living, and make peace with those you arent on good terms with anymore. The letters, the hangups, and the silly things like the decisions about property. when is it best to tell someone? if you hang out with the for a few days... at the beginning? at the end?
wouldnt you want a chance to assure them through their mourning... wouldnt you be mourning their loss the whole time?
and thats an interesting thought isnt it? impending death, means the mourning of everyone simultaneously. you start feeling bad about the people you dont say goodbye to.
you start wondering if your family would understand that you couldnt spend all the time with them. and wonder what words would be the best fairwell to those who you have dreamt of since the day you met them. Hoped for, watched as they grew, changed, matured. you wonder what you would say to inspire them further, to be the people they should be.
you wonder about what dreams are left unfullfilled and whether they would mean anything to you. what balance of healthcare and living the last of your life would be more important... would you need to go someplace spiritual. would I get to visit israel?
would your life matter? would your death make a difference?

seriously... its a cough. seriously it, all of you matter.