Saturdays alone

 

It is about 3:30pm. 

I considered waking up early but spent too much time on the internet last night.  So I woke up at about 9am, and decided to try to leave by 11.  For some reason my teeth hurt, like there was metal in my cereal or my coffee cup and my mouth felt awake and vibrating in an unnerving way. 

I made my way down to dogwood on University, past where I think M works... which always makes me think about her. I wanted to sit outside, because its in the low 70s and breezy and sunny... but the way the apartment building blocks the light, it was too cold. So I sat inside and it was too loud. I ate a brownie which wasn't very good, and drank my which was the best part of the morning. I guess is what I am saying. I read a few chapters of a science fiction book, I looked for people I thought might be attractive... lately I feel like I am seeing less and less people that I am drawn to. I am realizing how easy it is to be an old cranky bastard... and yet I am lonely. At some point, my friend texted to cancel on me. I texted another who didn't get back to me for a few hours (and we both concluded we'd probably not be going out again after running errands).  

I walked home and University felt quiet. I decided it would be good to get groceries and go to costco today instead of tomorrow -when I am planning on going to a protest. 

Costco was packed. 

For some reason, even though I went to a different one, Costco always reminds me of E. Its the brands, and our repeated orders and everything. This used to happen everytime I went to the grocery store too, since I was the one who did most of our shopping and cooking. But now, it happens less at the grocery store.  Its a weird feeling... Its super nostalgic, and in the parking lot I realized how much I missed that part of my life. It would be mean to ask her to come back into my life now that she is headed forward... but I miss her a lot lately. 

After spending too much at Costco, I decided to get Leeann Chin, and go to the grocery store where I also spent too much. I had been running out of candy, and decided to go over board. 

I have enough beverages for at least 2-3 weeks, and probably enough candy for at least a month. 

I got back... there were no carts in the package room, so now my back hurts.

I am planning on reading outside... maybe watching tv later and drinking a thc drink. 

Weekends are starting to feel like a drag... on the plus side, the lady in the office of the apartment said we are gonna have a bulletin board soon, so I am thinking book club, art club, and game night or something... I don't really want to organize everything, but I do want more events. 

I know there are plenty of people I could reach out to... but I am feeling a little sadsack. 

This whole not having a crush/not having someone I'm drawn to thing is a little irritating. Its weird to spend a day or two, a week or two, a year or two...

Not sure whats next you know?