Meh

3PMish:   Quick complaints.

I bought this qi machine online, the first one didn’t work so they sent me another. I just unboxed it. Doesn’t work. 

These two giant devices totally useless. I’m like, am I doing something wrong? Why isn’t it working?

I have a slight headache. It’s making me not want to do the thing I was gonna do today - which is writing my book. I basically didn’t do much writing this weekend even though I’d planned to. 

Last night I hung with a friend, we got icecream. I started watching the last season of the boys since I have Amazon for another few days. 

Yesterday I went to the st Anthony park art festival, nothing spectacular but it was nice to get out and about and see the larger neighborhood. 

In a half hour or so I’m gonna go to a break work workshop for the second time. We shall see, hopefully my headache clears up. 

It was a really easy week last week. This week so far I think I have about 5 a day on average… so less easy. 

Finished the courage to be disliked. Need to do some reflecting on what I think of it… still have the courage to be happy and some foundation books to read. Then maybe the series a friend recommended. 

Life is pretty much great, but I have a slight headache and don’t feel creative so I’m making it a big deal I guess and being crabby. 

Oh well. Gonna rest and then go to the thing. 

**** later in the day.

I think the worst part of waking up to a really really nice dream is that you spend the rest of the day waiting for something to feel as good, or to have a conscious parallel. 

Today has not been that. Maybe its because I ate a lot of heavy food and even icecream last night... maybe my body is like "no." Or maybe because the sun isn't out and its gonna storm. Or maybe because I slept in till 11 (hence the dream).  Maybe if all my dreams had come true, I'd still be in a meh mood.

I went to the breathing thing. The previous time I had gotten a lot out of it. This time I felt dense. I felt like an anchor at the bottom of the ocean, and I wanted to move, I wanted to squirm away. 

Everyone else had a good experience, and rather than feeling connecting and empathetic, or social... I just wanted to leave. 

I walked home feeling more disappointed and I suppose, somewhat unloved. Everything is fine... and I don't feel fine. It's odd. I do think the coming storm has a lot to do with it... my mood has been getting increasingly worse throughout the day.  I don't really want to do anything. I have no brain. My mood is sour. I feel like if the love of my life walked in, I'd probably be like "hey raincheck?" 

I don't think I'll accomplish much tonight. And this week will be busy. Maybe there is a part of me just not feeling very optimistic about the week ahead?

I dunno... I have nothing real to complain about. Probably just the gray sky.