white light

 

This morning I stayed in bed, asking the universe for dreams of love. My mind went elsewhere, little distractions, big distractions, pulls of anger and fear.  Then I saw myself surrounded by white light. Everything was simple and present, and possible. The sun was shining, even though it wasn't. My body relaxed and felt healthy. My heart felt open. My mind felt hopeful. I was wrapped in the white light. 

It's hard to hold to this.

I find my shoulders creeping up, my muscles tightening, I have to remind myself to return to it every few minutes. I find myself navigating the same pathways in my apartment. My body reaching to do the habitual. I have to pull myself from it. 

I doubt this will last. But it would be a nice practice to return to this cocoon of light every few minutes or hours, or minimally daily. In this space the world is interesting, but I am not attached to outcomes. I want them, I seek the same old signs and fascinations, but I let them go just as easily. It would be nice to return to this. To be this. I feel like I would make decisions differently. I'd be more open to opportunities. I'd see possibility in every turn. 

Probably time is the real issue here. Too much time in the day leads the mind astray.