This weekend is the same as every other one.
I find myself wanting to escape from the loneliness by focusing on mindless entertainment. Avoiding the complexities. Not meditating. Not working. Not cleaning or organizing internally or externally.
I found myself looking at old pictures, and gave myself some forgiveness, she looks happy enough, and I was ecstatic.
I find myself dwelling on old relationships. Wondering why a hundred swipes on an app doesn't produce anything of note. Just like the majority of my life does not produce personal relationships.
This week I talked to some of my coworkers, realized how unhealthy many of them are -how they react so similarly to the students we are trying to help. As if the entire job is a hoax.
I am tempted to look at the universe and see that nothing really matters all that much. No good or bad, no right or wrong, just existence. Its an unattached sentiment. I am not very attached except to the things I grasp to pull me away from the discomfort I feel in my body, my mind, my heart.
Gonna go read a book.
Love is a funny thing, how it carves.
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