Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

In my spiritual group last night somebody described the process of Easter being one that could be renewed continually... the death and resurrection of something better, constantly on loop.

Like praying to Shiva in the morning and Brahma in the afternoon... or in reverse perhaps.

I feel this process going on with me lately... and it feels chaotic... it feels stressful... it feels like anxiety and panic, like an urgency to break down barriers and an equally strong urge to build them.

Its not really all that pleasant though at time I feel passionate, at other times I feel quite out of control and still at other times completely drained.

I try to do good things, people pleasing things to offset the balance... and yet I want to destroy, for the sake of honesty, for the sake of myself.

It doesn't feel like I should ask people to trust me right now... it doesn't feel like I should take on more responsibilities and yet that is what I am doing... because I am afraid of letting things falls apart. Because I am afraid of letting myself and others down.
But it would probably be good to have some ultimate failure sooner or later so that I know its ok.
If only that is the message I could take away...
that I am okay.