Pretty Dramatic

I don't mean that in the beautiful sense although sometimes I feel happy about my looks.

I feel very off-kilter lately. I feel like I must be the most dramatic person in the world sometimes.

Its entirely a crisis of self consciousness, or maybe of doubt and confusion.

Its entirely based on my therapy session, NO my spiritual group, NO my work situations, NO my friendships, NO my romantic relationships past and future.

I feel like if I just subscribed to the spiritual beliefs of John Frusciante lyrics I would probably be ok... if I struggled to keep them in mind... because they are so crazy and so all over the place and so honest about believing so many different things... and that is true.

I am not having a crisis of faith... I am having a crisis of knowing what I am called to do... because it was clear and then I jumped to something new and now I am wondering if that something new really wasn't all that new, just something else in the disguise of newness.

I still believe in what they are doing... I am just not sure that that is where I get my energy.


Or in other news...

Illy introduced me to the idea of dating someone.
I don't know that that is going to happen... or be good or anything... but I think its really sad how many excuses I have thought up since last night... and how much less frequent the thoughts that it could be good are.

Makes me realize how low my self esteem really is in that department.

It sucks that even when things turn out for the best... when looking back at old relationships its really easy to see the failures and not the triumphs.

I want to talk to my mom.