Updates all open and honest

Well How do you do?

I guess I have been drifting on this here blog for quite a while. Often times I just don't feel like sharing or feel there is nothing new to update anyone or myself about.

So what has been going on?


Well for one thing, I have been going to concerts. Last night I went to see Sage Francis, Cecil Otter and Building Better Bombs at First Ave. It was the first time I had seen Building Better Bombs in a long time (I had no idea the dude from Mel Gibson and the Pants was their bassist). I enjoyed the show for the most part. It was very entertaining, but around 1:00 I could definitely feel the tiredness setting in, and it made me feel old. Several of the people I went with were not as entertained as I was... and I can understand their perspective, but I feel like entertainers have to be able to have an off day just like the rest of us.
Recent shows have also included Mel Gibson and the Pants and several hip hop artists I am just starting to get to know (Morgan is in to them).

Music: I have been listening to like 4 albums repeatedly, but also throwing some new mixes I got from some morris cats, and some other cds in the mix. Abandoned Ship and the Curse is Cast (I think they are the same band after the move to a different city) have been playing pretty strongly. Also John Frusciante's new cd took some time to warm up to, but now I love it. I also have been enjoying some hip hop and mel gibson and the pants seems to be heavy in the rotation.

One of the problems all this music and concerts have brought up is the fact that I have become more and more hearing impaired over the last few years... most specifically in my left ear. It is extremely sensitive and after shows it usually hurts for a day or two. I am starting to become aware that I have to take care of myself... so last night was the first concert I have ever worn ear plugs for. It wasn't an all together uncomfortable experience, just that I couldn't really have conversations with the 10 or so people I knew at the concert. Which isn't necessarily an unpleasant thing, as I am often distracted by people at concerts... but at the same time it sucks when you can't enjoy things with your friends.

Friends...
I have been trying to open up and hang around new and older people lately. I don't mean old as in age wise, I mean that I am trying to re-cultivate old friendships. Sometimes there are people who jump in and out of your life and perhaps I jumped out of a few too many peoples. Its nice to get to know them again, but I find that we are all somewhat struggling with the same issues... only my life seems to be a bit more permanent than theirs (theres?).
I have also been sort of rekindling an old (as in 5-6 years ago) friendship with a woman I knew in high school. Its weird because our lives have taken us very different places, but I feel very open to talk with her... she probably wouldn't feel that I have been open as I seem to be very intimidated by her(always was). The crush I was talking about in that poem is most directly related to her. I started feeling really out of control and not sure of who I was or who I wanted to be... some sort of feeling of wanting to impress someone. I hadn't had that in a while so it seemed really odd... but now its pretty much gone, though I do look forward to getting to know her, I don't feel like I need to change myself and don't feel like I need to feel rushed. I know that she is interested in me as a friend, and that she is open to who I am... and that's a really nice feeling. No need to push or attempt anything more.

Work: Work is going good... its really busy and sort of stressful because I have to coordinate all these tests and test dates... you have no idea what is involved in making a secure test secure. Its a huge pain in the ass and I feel bad for every student and every test monitor in existence. The other day I was packing up the secured tests that had already been taken for one test, and once that was done in the particular order it needed to be done, I had to unpack and check off the various components of the next test. This whole thing took me like an hour and a half. How am I supposed to teach?
Teaching: Classes have started slow. I have 3 social studies classes and 1 english class and then the group classes. US history is back in its normal pace, the students hate it and so do I at times. We just did WWI and a student complained about why they needed to know it, and I was pretty much in agreement. I mean I find it fascinating but why should they care? We talked about the flue epidemic that killed more people than the war, and how the US only joined at the last minute and under false pretenses, but what do they care beyond that? But we will get closer and closer to now as the days go on and they will take more interest.
Civics is more fun, I am not sure how into it the kids will be... especially since many of them have probably already had it... but yesterday I sent them into the computer lab to research laws they thought were stupid, and to come up with 10 laws they wanted to get rid of, and 10 laws they thought should be created. We shall see if they can defend their choices. I plan on spending a good portion of next week challenging them on these laws.
Economics is the pain in the ass I thought it might be. There are 2-3 kids out of a 10 student class that are interested the rest are pretty much sleeping. I can't make them care, I can't get into too many specifics and I can't explain big concepts with out the details... so its hard to approach the topic. So far we have talked about types of economies and economic principles (scarcity and choice).
Right now we have about 10 students who should be graduating within the next month... and honestly, though some of them are great students I think its time for them to move on. They are the old leaders who in many ways never stepped up to lead the new class, and so they sit around knowing what to do and not doing it. Many of them are great people, super funny and smart, super talented and they all have great personalities, but they just don't always help the community.
Also the school is packed right now, because we knew several students were leaving... we started with extra.

Other: I just got my 4 track recording device, so I haven't started that yet. Last night I had a dream about creating beautiful music on guitar, but while I was playing I noticed the strings were doing whatever they wanted, crossing and mixing... it was a chaotic dance, it was acoustic wonderment all distorted and crazy. But I am noticing that when I listen to music now I pay more attention to what techniques the guitarists are using, and guess at how easy or difficult a song might be to play. I have figured out parts of songs just by listening and messing around, I don't know that they are the *right* way to play it, but they sound right.I have been reading some books on sexuality. I have not been drawing or painting nearly enough. I have not been writing... but I did make some cartoons (as you have seen). I have not gone to any open mics like I planned to. I have not done my taxes yet, nor gotten my car fixed. These are the things on my checklist.

I hope you are well. I have probably been thinking about you (if I know you) and if not then, I have probably been thinking of you as a part of a larger human picture. I pray about you you know... I pray and say please watch over and help reassure this person and all the people they depend on, and each of those people and their people and their people and so on. I like to think of the branches that spread outward across the globe to reach you. It makes me feel good, to send you positive vibes even if you don't believe in it. I know you talk to me in my dreams so I don't see why I cant send you mine thoughts.
Even though I am not the best of peoples, I have been trying a little harder lately, forgive my stumbles... I mean to write back to you... or call you, but I am trying to make sure there is enough of me to go around... and sometimes that means holding back, and sometimes I am just nervous, because I don't have anything to say... and though I probably loved you once (as in wanting to nurture you), I may only have love feelings now and sometimes they don't come with that nurturance... so I just send you some vibes here and there... that's the truth... I hope it don't hurt...

I think only good poets can stick humor into their art... at some point I would like to be funny.