Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

this color will be disgusting im sure...

I basically dont do anything... I think tonight there is supposed to be a mariachi performance or something. I feel like Yes! an excuse to go somewhere, and yet No! i am not excited... Im sure it will be fine... but it just doesnt sound thrilling... hell i skipped jazz last weekend... that says something i think.

gonna be a tough week... a test and a paper at the end...
a bunch of catching up for monday....

"oh motivation... where are you?"

I think i spent like 80 percent of making awake hours today in front of the screen talking to all these random friends... sort of like a getting to know you... game i have been playing because i have no life and no interests here...
I also inked a painting that will probably be unappreciated and why should it be? its not so great...
what am I even doing? spend my time thinking about things that wont happen.... im so up in the air right now... and nothing seems to matter... im not hurting anyone but im not really loving them either... and im not really loved... just sort of kept. I think that is a good word for what I am... either by myself or by others I am kept....

i think that although i tend to shift the blame a lot... it really is just me... im sort of on the brink of possibly doing amazing things... and sort of on the brink of not doing anything... and im sort of scared to move.

Im sort of also at that point in relationships... I could easily go after something.. but i really dont desire to... Im not big on changing things I have.... Im not wanting to lose anything... and the subtle shifts freak me out... especially when they hit me by surprise... so... kept...


and where do we stand with future plans? unsure and unsatisfied... fairly confident that i can handle what ever comes... but dont seem to be pursuing anything too adamently...

but for now... i spose i should be content or happy with the very unengaged friendships i am developing in this silly internet world i addict...