Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

March Music Madness Woot!!!
(yeah... or not.)


What a weird night.
we went out to dinner, a bunch of us, trying to go to dons and settling for pizza ranch when dons was full and not even standing room was available.
At the ranch we dined, greasy, also packed, and watched our swearing my roommates and T Roy and tom and Janelle’s friend and Rachel and Emily for a time...
a weird gathering, but fun none the less... and so many could not or would not go to the concert... so me and Mel and Emily went...

5 bands: (a critique)

the one from Morris needs a rhythm section, they are probably three of our most talented musicians right now on campus, but they all go their own way, and unlike in a jam band none of them keep the steadiness... so it ends up sounding awkward a little too much, no hooks or rhythm and no pop sensibility... for three talented musicians you would think they would figure that out.

Next was a band they snuck in... I forget their name Baker london from chicago... i bought cds... they were the most entertaining all night, 5 performers with funny/terrible lyrics... the singer made stupid jokes, and because they were young and liberal and whatever he got away with it... (I will tell you why this is upsetting later)

The next band was 2 of the members from the 2nd one... these guys were also from Chicago i presume... and they were alright, but less entertaining.

the 4th band might have been the most rocking, they were called history from Minneapolis a three piece not as out there talented as our trio who started but they held it together better... in fact sometimes they might have had too much plain rhythm section.... and no singing as far as i remember... but they had t shirts

the 5th band, the one people came to see, was alright... they had maybe one song i liked... but the crowd either loved them or hated them -but both sections decided to make the most of it, so they had the most dancing the most moshing the most everything... at one point the singer got in to the audience on his knees and a crowd around him dropped to theirs, and they sang the chorus to the song... and it was ridiculous and gross because they were singing something like -love is great till you get cancer and die....
anyway i know half the kids were mocking them... and it was funny, but also just kind of stupid.


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ME... concert and the after party

I had like 5-6 girls who I really like, as friends there....
but like I do when I’m excited or social I made some stupid jokes... making everything just a little uncomfortable...
I also spent the evening, an emotionally charged exciting, drunken college evening on a warm day around a bunch of sexually charged college students... and i being one of them... was hating the fact that i was a man.

I ended up going back to Kristi and Anna’s place with the bands and a bunch of other peoples. and it was really fun/interesting, then a little scary as more and more Morris kids went home, and i realized Kristi would be alone with her passed out roommate and basically a house full of boys she didn’t know...
and some of them had said things, and tried to do things... already.

so i warned Anna before she passed out, I told Kristi. I talked to Erin about it.

the band kids were interesting... that mix of (rock n roll -I want to think of you highly) and (rock n roll -you have given up your life for drugs and stupid bullshit... and you wont make it, and is this really living? and did you run away? and do you try to take advantage of women? why are you an asshole? why are you so interesting?)

we talked about stupid shit, and funny shit, and real shit.

And I watched some of the girls swoon for these assholes, and I watched some of the guys talk music with the boys because they cared... and I watched 2 of the boys make out and thought how beautiful, and then watched them try to make an argument for why white women were the worst people on earth to two white women, (both men, being white boys birthed of white women) both boys having just joked amongst themselves how they were planning on having sex with a drunk girl -together.
And I thought what stupid bullshit men are.

then a girl in skirt told me what kind of underwear she had on... and when she told me i didn’t want to know... and actually told her to stop three times while she was saying it ... but she was too drunk to listen, and though i know im an asshole and had been wondering, when it came down to it, I didnt want to know because that was private...and i tried to stop her from saying anything because it wasnt necessary, it was stupid, and she told me because she was drunk, and some guy from the bands had asked... so of course she had to spread the secret... and I thought what bullshit men are... and I’m one of them...

and then another girl who i barely know walked me home, and we ranted about the situation, then asked about majors, and then joked about the what ifs of flirting, cuz she hadnt had a good night and needed a pick me up... but i was too absent minded to help her, and I told her i would only flirt with her and then leave her years later heartbroken because im an asshole who has morals about doing stuff with people i don’t love, and she told me she was going to steal my checkbook... because I’m an asshole, then she dropped me off at my door.. and made sure i was home safe. and i was thankful, because i honestly am afraid of the dark and its nice to have someone walk you home, but she walked off on her own.




I was talking to Alicia about it earlier.... college parties, college sex...

one of the things that amazes me, is that I haven’t done anything in like the past 5-6 years that I regretted -simply because it was stupid... sure I have made mistakes... and my mistakes have hurt people... some really bad. but in comparison to the guys I see everywhere... to the ones who take advantage, to the ones who when they sweet talk the princess then become lazy assholes.... to the abusers, to the addicts, to the guys who just don’t get it, to the guys who don’t care, to the guys who are so self obsessed... I’m not actually that bad... but I’m still one of them... and i hate it.
And I hate when they are proud of it. and I hate when women give in, or are left with no other choice... I hate that I can be a reasonably good guy and send some friends I love off to another man to be treated like shit, and then they return and go "why cant i find a guy like you?" and I go.... well the girls who have had me complained too (with good reason) but I know im sending them out to the wolves again. and I know that there are good men out there. and I hope my loves find them. because I cant stand the thought that us weak men are the only choice... because they deserve a lot better.

and I don’t say that putting women on a pedestal... those guys point tonight was that white women have followed and supported white men on their reign of terror.... and I asked what choice they had? when we were all that was available...

I guess, I wanted to confess, to complain, to be pissy. but I’m sick of good people turning bad in moments of weakness.. then struggling their whole lives to make those bad choices into positive outcomes. It shouldn’t be that way. it should be positive choices that bring about positive outcomes... no tampering or mental strength required.... but i haven’t mastered it yet either. I fight and fight myself... and the girls I asked about it tonight, said "well mike you are human".... and like always I thought, that’s no excuse for acting like an asshole.
but we always do. stupid fucking men.

and no i didn’t drink tonight.

sorry for any names dropped... or hints of things... i tried to be semi discreet.