Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

do you always search for something profound to say before you blog or write? i dont this is a venting blog. like a 15 yr olds xanga or myspace...
"inside i scream like a madman"

im frustrated because i thought i would have more time with becky before she left. I didnt try very hard before she went to vegas because i thought i needed time to adjust and honestly i thought if i hinted for her to call she would. plus i thought i had a month or two... now it turns out.. a week or two.
she had a good time in vegas. she has a job interview next monday in wisconsin, she is moving the weekend after next. two weeks- while she is globe trotting all around the area... and im supposedly moving in to a house, visiting my parents rented cabin, hanging out with illy, visiting old friends in morris, and making the future we have chosen work out.
Where is there even time to hang out with her?
i spose i have forgotten how boring morris is, and how i will surely have time to see her, especially considering i can help her move and stuff. but its different, last time i was helping her move in to an apartment, this time im helping them move to his place.
its not nearly as hard as helping illy pack to go die in chicago. (what i thought at the time though she said it was the best thing, while i cried with her random stuff in my hands-trying to figure out how i could both be there for her and be there for her)
same thing this time i guess. Im not sure how she feels anymore, she says she is excited to move and go work. Im excited to get on with my life too, but im unsure how far i am willing/wanting to let her go. How does one find themselves in a situation where they consistently feel they are making the best decisions for themselves, and still regret the negative feelings that come with them.
this is not the normal me, im usually able to see the good in situations, and for now... do i fake it?