Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

Sittin in the bar, its a sat night, and the next few days seem like they will be exhausting... ate chinese twice today. i couldnt think of anything i wanted to do more than be home with someone. Its funny how more and more my thoughts revolve around such. I use to miss all my friends, and i still do, but i feel like there will be time, and me i need to get my warmth back.
nervous, and excited. sick of being here.. the time with steve has been great in a lot of ways, and had it been a month ago i would have enjoyed it immensely, but i feel like we are sitting around waiting, it sucks too that i have a few days in london before i get home... as if the next three days wont be enough... (no sleeping in hostels, two trains and an airport)

we threw out my moms suitcase today... I got my comp, a few items and a set of clothes, in a plastic bag and my backpack... if i lose it, im fucked... but how could i lose something so easy to hold on to.
(thinks back to the fact that on every trip he has lost something major...well fuck, im due)

steve is getting sent home loaded up with stuff..

we have been up to a few things, yesterday we saw a bone church, today the praha castle, he tried some absinthe, i took some pictures, we went in to a sex store today, a little awkward considering he is my brother, but it was funny... he saw a movie called "little people need love too" and i thought "thats true"
so on that topic...

I am feeling fairly disconnected actually.. Everyone at home seems to be going through some seriously hard shit. I mean like everyone who writes me.
loneliness, depression, boredom, anxiety, parent stress, relationship stress, lack of friends, disconnection from friends.
They all write and say they feel fucked up... and i write em back and say everyone else is sitting around feeling the same, call em up for tea and a movie. and some do the familiar bar scene....
you dont need the drugs to feel good, its connection and self you want, so find that.

If there is anything i know, its that the connection is whats important.

meanwhile i hear those same people are trying to make beautiful decisions... doing the right thing, giving up the bad stuff, trying to find some meaningful job, doing projects. it sounds great, it just sucks that they cant see that.
Like i was telling steve today... "prague has some great art, its inspiring, but it sucks that when you have the inspiration you dont have the time and the tools, and when you have them you dont have the inspiration"
sounds like people feel they are lacking the inspiration... its still there people... remember the love.
write, draw, take pictures, make crafts, dance, dress up, perform, play music, research, learn, communicate, help, connect, express, and then sleep and dream beautiful thoughts to wake and do it again...
and if nothing else, think about how happy i will be to give each and everyone of you a hug. cuz you know its true... im fucking deprived.

anywho... i better get to bed.
peace and love
taff