Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I was on the verge of sleep before the crisis, crisis, thats questionable. So is verge, for i recall losing consciousness and regaining it and those moments may have been few or many, but the sun is rising. And i am dreaming, maybe, the night brings highs, and it brings contemplation. It brings laying in agony in bed under covers, and confusion at why there are spaces. Several things seem real right now and they are not the porn site ads that keep coming up while i type to me.
1. You look fat and wonder why this disturbs you. Things like skin hanging below your chin and around your lips reminds you of cheeks that were once called chubby and you thought you were through that era. You wonder at why this disturbs you because you understand that people dont like bony men, women dont find it attractive, men dont find it intimidating and there for you are nothing to compete with and everyone finds it disturbing. You yourself hide half in shame, it use to be cuz u were fat, why now? why is it so appalling? why is it ok for everyone else and not you? you dont have to be some sick freak you know.
2. You've been telling the same damn stories over and over and no one likes them anymore, so u should shut the fuck up. I think its time you hide for awhile, go away. You're not doing any good, the people who look to you for a good time are just getting let down, over and over and soon they wont like you anymore so u should quit while ur ahead. Nothing is ever good enough.
3. you eat too much.
4. even as were talking here, u keep wanting to rush off find some happy place find some reason to be happy but i think we both know u dont deserve that, at least not right now. Oh if only they would tell you the truth. Write out lists, complaint after complaint, we could fill notebooks. You could whine and say "I'm working on it."
5. I thought we were in college now, go do ur homework. You have to get the shit done man, or else they will kick u out.
6. You're not a very good friend, ur all talk.
7. you're not a very good anything really, i mean think about it.
8. you mean nothing to her, or her, or her, nope not her either, nope she dont give a fuck, shes using u, shes bored, shes a dependent, fuck that dont blame, ur worse to all of them.
9. ur being selfish again, u really need to work on that.
10. whatever happened to u being good?
11. go to sleep, go to sleep go to sleep. wake up work, call ur friends sit around dont do shit drain drain drain go to sleep wake up work call ur friends sit around dont do shit drain drain drain. You need help, ur like a bad dream, a drug, a horror movie of some sorts, only not the kind with the slasher man, more just depressing.
12. u dont have any answers what makes u so confident? ur shit stinks mother fucker get over it.
13. And what about that, will u address the issue? hide hide hide away.
14. they're all wasted. u should join them, it doesnt seem so bad anymore does it? the self medicating. if they can drink so can you.
dont be afraid dont be afraid let go waste waste waste.
15. read any good oh thats right u dont read.
16. i thought we were gonna do something with this, are u telling me i've wasted all this time? u make me sick, really. You're self indulgent, selfish, god it makes me feel like vomiting even thinking about it, u give me a head ache.
17. You wanted a list of 15 to "work on" well how are we doing? i wake up u wake up we all wake up sometime and realize this life aint so "all good" as u'd like it dont give me that shit i dont buy it.
Quit fighting!!!!! my turn go back to bed.