This week is very busy, if ur out there, we plan on being in madison on friday staying at a motel 6 but only 4 or 5 of us. We hope to see you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
i have two tests this week and they will be rough cuz i suck at school, is it warm in here or is it the fact i got an hour of sleep? The first time to go to my first class in more then a week. Should be fun, guilt trips, nervous grins as if to say "its ok to fuck with me im harder and more secure then that."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^6
"why cant you see that you are my child?
why dont you know that you are my mind?
tell every one in the world that Im you
take this promise to the end of you"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^7


The winter is coming and we have no shelter except plastic overcoats and they have flaws like broken zippers and they seem so much like life sometimes.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^8

If any of this seems depressing im sorry, im not really depressed yet, i get made quite happy as the day goes on. I do need to vent. remind me to go to class in ten.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^9
a word to myself
Its funny how tightly we hold on to these egos, these "securities" so desperate, clinging to them. Dont you know you have nothing and its ok? let go, fall, they wont hurt you and so what if they do?
Spirit moves through all things.

We have trouble waking up, morning less glorious when you've already witnessed the sunrise holding tightly round the waist, this last taste completing the evening and wrapped gloriously about the head so that when wakers come they must ridicule, sad and shameful living life like dreams, glimmers in the eyes and half smiles show their jealousy.

(system of a down lyrics)
Round, Round,

Circumventing circuses,
Lamenting in protest,
To visible police,
Presence sponsored fear,

Battalions of riot police,
With rubber bullet kisses,
Baton courtesy,
Service with a smile

Beyond the Staples Center you can see America,
With its tired, poor, avenging disgrace,
Peaceful, loving youth against the brutality,
Of plastic existence.

Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around.

Round, Round,

A rush of words,
Pleading to disperse,
Upon your naked walls, alive,
A political call,
The fall guy accord,
We can't afford to be neutral on a moving train,

Beyond the Staples Center you can see America,
With its tired, poor, avenging disgrace,
Peaceful, loving youth against the brutality,
Of plastic existence.

Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around.

Push them around,
A deer dance, invitation to peace,
War staring you in the face, dressed in black.
With a helmet, fierce,
Trained and appropriate for the malcontents,
For the disproportioned malcontents,
The little boy smiled, it'll all be well,
The little boy smiled it'll all be well,

Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around.
Pushing little children,
With their fully automatics,
They like to push the weak around,
Push the weak around,
Push the weak around,
Push the weak around,
They like to push the weak around.

I woke up after an hour and a half of sleep, my body telling me the night has just begun. My cousin got married today. My favorite female cousin. She happens to be the hottest cousin I have as well, but shes incredibly nice and smart and funny to boot and if i were a bit older I would wish she wasnt my cousin. Doesnt that sound sick? Anyway her boy Tim is a lot like her and really funny and apparently they have been friends/ together for a long time and it was just an amazing wedding, and incredibly beautiful and i was very happy for them. (almost even cried) I guess I was most taken just by the way they joked and smiled and talked eachother through it, completely in love, like real love like better than fairytale love cuz they really know eachother. it was a beautiful service too, and one of my uncles performed it. I have to say the rest of the wedding, the venue, the atmosphere, were just complete shite. I mean i like my family now and it was nice seeing them, and we seemed pretty functional and all, but like i guess the rest just didnts seem to fit right. I could imagine this couple getting married in comfy sweatshits and old jeans, understanding that it didnt matter, and yet they got this big old hall (which is beautiful) but it doesnt work for the amount of people, and the amount of people doesnt work either. Half of them didnt seem to fit, they werent immediate family, or friends of the couple, they were the ones invited by his dad who didnt care to pay the bill for em. I dunno i guess i just thought the atmosphere could have better suited them, despite the fact that the venue and all the flowers and fancy clothes were like fantabulous, they just seemed too overdone, and though it was obvious someone put a lot of thought into it, it didnt seem like the same love that the wedding service and the couple had was put into it. thats all.


oh yeah i want to get married. I want to have a family and kids. I want to be in love like that.

I forgot to put becky's jokes down, so when someone says "so..." u say "buttons" and when they say "well..." u say "thats a deep dark hole."
fun stuff, i didnt think so at first but it grew on me. Now i try to get her to say it and she wont.


so anyway, i dont think i will get dreads, i just cant do it. Maybe braids for a long while, but i cannae commit to dreads.

i sot of suck at school, no big deal. I suck at life too. I couldnae find the time to call chris and aimee this weekend. Like when i do it i wanna have some time to talk and i never know when im gonna have that so it sucks.

I think its better when they just interrupt me give me a wake up call.

Ok im pretty sure were gonna go to madison.

i suck at updating here.

hmmm we just tried to watch the ring in a barn with the lights out and it was pretty freaky cuz im afraid of the dark, but eh. it worked for awhile but the battery went out on the comp. becky tried to make me walk next to the horses in the dark. i like horses, i think they're amazing and beautiful and like incredible and all, but i am very in awe of their power and their portential to hurt things, and thus im slightly afraid of them, especially in the dark.

So i spent monday with elizabeth an gabs and that so wonderful. so very wonderful. just nice to see them smile, and then me and elizabeth went for a half assed adventure and thats always sweet with her.

hmm steve and his friend angelo came up for a few days. seemed to have a decent time, everyone liked having them around, and steve seems to have developed the family trait of analyzing people. They wrote notes to everyone they met, and packed up all their shit with out waking me. I felt bad for not saying goodbye, i apparently waved them off while sleeping. I had very little sleep.

Russ left for the services today, i felt really bad for not being awake to say goodbye. Hes a pretty great guy. fun to talk to. back in march i spose. It will be a different time. Hope hes ok, has a great adventure and meets lots of wonderful cats in the middle east.


hmm becky's jokes,

i should get some new jokes

maybe write some poetry
do my homework



i'll write again later

dance the night away
(its a song, dont worry about it)

anyway

and then there was a gathering in grinnell, twas a mass of partying peoples, good times, nova got drunk and tried to tell me i shouldnt refer to only penis and vagina sex as sex even though i only refer to it that way when talking about traditional heterosexual couples. She said i was wrong, made a good point about using these terms to make people feel more comfortable but i still disagree. plus she was drunk and needed melissa to help make her points, which was fine, cuz i love melissa. for some reason i wasnt expecting her to be there, but it was an incredibly nice suprise. Im a weirdo. Her and joel are wonderful together and it makes me quite happy. Um jake seemed to enjoy himself and got along swell with the other cats. sarah came down to see matt which was sweet. I dunno it was like a couple fest.

so then there was also a concert. Much work, much delay, much irritation, a bit of good music. As i told the band, i wouldnt say it was their greatest show. (were talking about; it was just for you, that light show) But they played well and i thought they were better then the band they opened for. though everyone was quick to tell me the band has better music then they played. I guess the crowd reaction was ok. but not wonderful. Homans was all about being a drunken monkey with his pals and it kicked up the energy level a good notch or two. hmm i guess i just didnt think the band had the energy needed to rock out hardcore. They were sweet but not amazing. Jake and I agreed the sound system didnt do them justice either. It was loud but killed all the intricate shit.

and then there was a party. Oh yeah so it was grinnell's biggest bash of the year thing. which is pretty damn big for only having 1300 kids. but its all cuz these fuckers have no adults around telling them no. Its all run by them for them and its amazing. I mean the kids step up to the plate, and then reward themselves like a motha fucka. free Kegs on campus without much guard. pot all smoked up in the buildings and yet its pretty safe and pretty harmless. and the party goes smooth with a bit of flare and then kids pass out or hook up and i stumble upon them at 4 am and giggle at their panting and moaning. (cuz i find that sort of thing quite cute)

um i dunno. everything was pretty smooth.

Gabs is home so i should be seeing her manana, and then back to morris on tuesday. maybe see natasha and get my pics.
sort of missing someone, wondering what they doing.

Sorry i have nae been doing a good job of updating for ye, tis a sorry ass mate ye got.

But i figured i should hook u up with the details of my life before it gets to wld and crazy. (yeah right)

Hmm morris is a several horse town. We have a pomida, a willy's a coborns. We go to them cuz there is no where else and we have nothing to do except grocery shop. Our softball team is playing the best team in the league tonight and we will probably lose and get dropped from the tournament. that will be sad cuz these mofos practice like monkeys.

My motha got back from greece yesterday and said she had a great time. Sort of made me want to go. i told her its on my list. hmm I dont really know what the future holds, i care not (most of the time) let it come we can dance together.

This weekend is fall break for morris. My roommate is spending it here, alone. Im going to Iowa to see it was just for you that light show at grinnell. A bunch of my homies together in a room. Should be good times. when i get back i get to hang with chris and gabs. This weekend will be a good weekend me thinks. then i have a spanish test on wednesday. but thats cool. whateva i gotta git to class then. peace and love taff

Im a little worried i been a bit self destructive, im a little worried the next week will be shite, im a little moody.


@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

this girl had a reacurring problem come up again last night so people were giving her advice. I felt like mine wouldnt matter up against the crowd shouting blood. I imagine the first time there was someone there who felt the same way and the course of events has unfolded to be the same.

********************************************

They were right the jazz around here is pretty sweet. I think i'll go again tonight, can anybody guess why?

(Mike needs to work some shit out.)

I need a new perspective.

khalil gibran

shit from adrianne

milk and cereal

go here for variations of yatta!
(check out the 7.7 one first)

uh i talked to hollie a lot tonight and watched zoolander. got some shit to work on but it was good to talk. wished i had some time with illy but she had a busy weekend and a boy.

Some shit,


Today im minnesota nice when it comes to the peace rally.

Last night i kicked it with some homies, perkins run and all. I wish i could say we had wonderful deep convo but it wasnt like that, i got hopes for tonight though. Maybe have a gathering at my house. Steve had all his boys over last night i sat up and talked to them for a couple hours. Lil kids.

Uh me and hols were discussing the separate worlds thing, still trying to figure out why zach is so weird, (he tries to keep everything divided, whereas the rest of us want all our pals from each world together.

Zach is out hunting by the way. which is weird.


I dont really know what to say, all my girls got boys. like practically official.
gonna see my cat today, pick up those pictures finally, possibly anyway.

see i told u i aint got nothin to say. I'd get all personal on ya but i cannae for now. plus i dont really know what i'd say. "be positive and love your life."

I find myself currently thinking "well its an agreement to make a mistake." doesnt sound very much like me, and i wonder where this story will fit in.

Quotes/reasons my rommate is cool

"If you ever want to get a sugar high in Mike's car, all you need to do is lick the seat."

"I swear to god if I ever see John Adams (historical figure) i'm gonna punch him in the face!"



______________________________________________
on a side note thanks to pete and gabs for interrupting my procrastination last night, good distractions despite the badness of it all.

Um also sometimes its hard to be responsible, so this ought to be fun.

curtesy of raizin of Oldeenglish (he doesnt know)

Some Really Bad Jokes
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."

3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve
food in here."

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not
unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you." said
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.

11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed,
is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a
look at him." So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then checks his
teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because
he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. So, since there
are 5 people in my family, one of them must be Chinese. It's either my mum
or my dad... or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha
Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

15. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 cents that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "Heck no,the steaks are
too high."

16. A man came round in the hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't, I've cut off your arms."

17. I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank. This proves once and for all that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

--------------------
Raizin is my name.

from tim

"Mike,

Perhaps you would like to encourage your friends to download their posters, stencils, buttons, and stickers at one term president
Thanks. See you around 4pm,

Tim

PS. After President Bush requested $87 billion more for war and
occupation, peace advocate, ice cream entrepreneur and Kucinich
supporter Ben Cohen explained what America could get for that amount of money: We could solve the school budget crisis in every community in America. Or we could provide health insurance for every uninsured American child for 15 years. Or we could feed all 6 million children who die from hunger worldwide for the next 7 years. "

>
>Love 2.0
>=========
>
>Tech Support: Yes Ma'am, how can I help you?
>
>Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
>install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
>
>Tech Support: Yes I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
>
>Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready.
>What do I do first?
>
>Tech Support: The first step is to open your heart.
>Have you located your heart Ma'am?
>
>Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
>Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
>
>Tech Support: What programs are running Ma'am?
>
>Customer: Let's see, I have past-hurt, low self-esteem, grudge,
>and resentment running right now.
>
>Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase past-hurt
>from your current operating system. It may remain in your
>permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs.
>Love will eventually override low self-esteem with a module of
>it's own called high self-esteem. However, you have to
>completely turn off grudge and resentment. Those programs
>prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those
>off Ma'am?
>
>Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me
>how?
>
>Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
>forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until grudge
>and forgiveness have completely erased.
>
>Customer: Okay done, Love has started installing itself.
>Is that normal?
>
>Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base
>program. You need to begin connecting to other hearts in order
>to get the upgrades.
>
>Customer: Oops! I have an error message already.
>It says, "error-program not run on external components."
>What should I do?
>
>Tech Support: Don't worry Ma'am, It means the Love program is
>set-up to run on internal hearts but has not yet been run on
>your heart. In non-technical terms, it means you have to Love
>yourself before you can Love others.
>
>Customer: So what should I do?
>
>Tech Support: Can you pull down self-acceptance; then click on
>the following files: Forgive-self; Realize your worth;
>Acknowledge your limitations.
>
>Customer: OK, done.
>
>Tech Support: Now copy them to the "My Heart" directory.
>The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin
>patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete verbose
>self-criticism from all directories and empty your recycle bin
>to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.
>
>Customer: Got it. Hey!!! My Heart is filling up with new
>files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment
>are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
>
>Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but
>eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time.
>So Love is installed and running.
>One more thing before we hang-up.
>Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and it's various modules
>to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and
>return some cool modules back to you.

So first off, this is more journal then update, but also update, and u wont know who im talking about, but if u know me u can probably assume i really enjoy the company of anyone i speak about on here. Or hang around in general and thats really what the point of this little journal entry. (I really just write to myself to convince me of things i cant quite convince myself of with talking. yes i am crazy)

Also this is not the first time i have felt this way, but its sort of a different situation, there is time to step back and look, there is time to meet with people on one on one basis. So this isnt the first and it wont be the last, but i need to learn how to do it.


and it begins

-The other day I was talking to Becky and a group of kids, telling them that I felt I hadnt fallen for anyone yet. (how odd it is) Part of that was true, I mean I havent had any of those nights, or maybe every night has been and I've forgotten the difference. Truthfully I do love...

-I told Ona to stop saying nice things to me, quit giving me a big head (ego wise). Too late. Its odd though, hung up on one's self in attitude, but craving honesty, truthful deep connections. All I can think of is wishing to get to know people better, and being able to share with the, all the beauty, every second of goodness they've given to me, more even.

-There is a problem here. I love, but have a big head, and lack the words to express, give back. Also, maybe I dont know these people, maybe i cant share. Maybe its all in my head. Maybe its because they are so beautiful, like honestly incrediby gorgeous girls. Maybe im mistaking their gentle smiles, so easy on the eyes, maybe its mistaken for love. Maybe i've taken shallowness to a new level. Maybe Im under a spell like all these other boys (too afraid to think im on their level) and yet, I wonder why I ignore these very same ones i love, i even credit myself for looking out for the underdogs, cuz they are everybit as capable of bringing down the house as these others. every bit as capable to seduce with natural beauty, and yet we swoon for some. As we should of course, cuz the beautiful are still human (beautiful) . contradictions

-Maybe just too damn close to understand. Sometimes with distance comes clarity.

greetings from my luffy, i cant tell ya exactly what im talking about cuz well you know, 4 sailors sitting in resonance of a sofa. Its an odd time, tell tale signs of insanity. no really.

We stayed up all night, went to breakfast with hat and a camera, woke up others, spoke giberish and smelled funny.


I have nothing to offer, i have been talking too much, but i like these cats i like em a lot. Peace and love

There is this thing in people, in children like us especially, (our egos havent been tortured enough, our pride still rides high) we tend to block out all signs of a problem until it blows up in our faces.

with negative signs of any kind we must reevaluate, Understand we are gambling.

I think the reason certain substances are tricky is because they keep you from reevaluating.

I woke up today feeling wonderful thanks to a dream i had, which reminded me of my love for people. It was quite nice. Many interesting things happened today in terms of me being questioned about my masculenity, which doesnt bother me. I realized i tend to play into certain stereotypes and because sometimes people dont have any other frame of reference except that of the stereotypes they know, it becomes unclear, and i often dont clear the confusion up unless it is directly questioned.

The other day they had the first vegan potluck (spelling?) it was pretty interesting, nothin i could eat, but some great people watching and it helped me put some names to faces i have or will see on campus. It was a nice time, i think i will probably continue to attend.

Im a little unsure of hom much i want to apply myself this semester. Im a cautious person and it works for me most of the time.

My dad is coming to see me on sat. im currently doing laundry.

Things have slowed down but still continue. We played capture the flag tonight, a sort of weekly thing. Im sort of becoming hooked the attention or affection of certain people. Which is weird, i hardly know them, can rarely talk to them. I miss music, i will soon bring more. I want my lil brother to visit. I want to have more time to chill. I think i may even want to stay in college for a few more years. Maybe after 3-4 i will be sick of it but maybe i will want to continue. maybe i can be a super senior.
whats the rush? i think i miss a lot of things/people and dont want to admit it. Its not draining to miss them and such so it hasnt forced me to do anything about it. Dont know what i'd do if i was forced.

I was hoping for less busy work, spanish and logic are all exercises. I need to go write observations on people. I need a better understanding of spanish and someone to speak it with. but not online like nova would like. I think in person spanish is much nicer.

I think i need to go pick up my laundry.