I’m not sure what to say exactly other than the title. I feel very blessed and grateful to have opportunities and to have such wonderful people in my life, to be close to friends and family, to have people who have been with me for decades or just days, but who are sooo beautiful and amazing. I have resources and meaningful work, I have the opportunity to be creative, or take care of myself, or veg out and indulge in nothingness, whatever I can choose… but damn the world feels so heavy right now. So much grief, sorrow, suffering and though some of it is natural, it’s made all the worse by the fact that so much of it is humans choosing this.
There are people weighing on my heart, and I don’t really even feel like I can say the things I mean… I live my life so afraid to be fully present, so afraid that something might happen or I won’t be able to respond, or I’ll be taken advantage of or whatever… I’m not sure what will change that, but despite my actions and stoic responses, I’m a little guy with a very big very full heart, that breaks routinely. And lately it is heavy.
This week is gonna feel busy till Friday. I hope to make some meaningful connections or progress on things, and also just keep my head above the water.
I dunno.
No comments:
Post a Comment