Sometimes this funny thing happens to me when I wake up late, which is that my mind doesn't do the normal 3 thoughts at once thing. It's almost like de facto meditation. I have to concentrate to think. I can just stare at stuff and not have thoughts. It's so weird.
I don't actually enjoy it because it feels like sludge. Like I want to be creative or thought provoking, but instead I just have a slight headache and an empty brain. I end up being 900 x more passive. I just sit and watch shit on instagram or youtube, and nothing matters or makes sense. It's kind of like, what's the point?
I am sure if I lived in a monastery I would go crazy, not just with too many thoughts, but when there weren't enough. I could sit at a lake, and not feel or think anything, and then over time I would start to feel like I was wasting my time because nothing was happening. Existence. Existence is... something I haven't gotten my head around. I can do a body scan, I can send out my awareness, but when it happens without my approval, the lack, its just like.... what is happening or not happening?
Anyway, I am having some writer's block. Considering going home and doing nothing, rather than being at a coffee shop and doing nothing.
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