Hmmm well
lets see,
School starts in a few days. I have no strategies. I have no idea what I am teaching.
But I am not freaking out. I spent the better part of the last month or two really stressing and being negative about work. I guess if I do have a plan, its to kick back a little and see what is needed, but not expect too much. It is generally accepted that Winter is the harder trimester at our school. Between the weather and the curriculum of heavy topics, students tend to be more on edge. I wish I could teach a therapy class.
I guess at this point it is likely I will be teaching US history and a world history and then filling in the third one. According to the 2 year plan I wrote up years ago, right now would be the time for geography, but I didn't feel that was a very successful class the first time around and I don't think it would be today either.
I am tempted to do something really basic, like civics again. We have a lot of students that are really young and don't know a lot of basic social studies terminology, so its hard to have discussions because they just don't have enough background information.
I am resentful... I can feel it.
I have been trying to work on my negative vibes by reading this book.
So far I enjoy it, it is a good reminder of some old eastern stuff I forget about in the moment. It is also written for a western audience so he likes to back everything up with a little science, though some might call it pseudoscience.
I noticed it was helping right away, the struggle I have been having is keeping it in mind. Making it habit. Finding the time to sit still and meditate.
I think I need a concrete plan, but I have never been good at those. I have already broken my resolutions.
Today in the book I was reading about what he calls "Hard Focus" and "Soft Focus" in hard focus you are obsessed and judgmental of right and wrong, good and bad. In soft focus, you allow your thoughts and actions to exist without judging them, accepting that they are part of the experience.
I wish it were easier to change focus.
I Just finished the 5th book in the Song of Ice and Fire series. I am sad that i will have to wait until who knows when for the 6th and 7th books. Perhaps it would be better to reread the whole series when the 7th book comes out instead of reliving the wait after the 6th.
I am looking forward to watching the series when it comes out in March.
SoT is going relatively well. I have been trying to make slight adjustments to the website and the blog. I am not as interested in the facebook page. It is now my job to coordinate a social media team and help keep the institutional memory of the organization. Its a lot of responsibilities and at the same time it is entirely what I make of the job... like people can say "hey i'd be cool if _______ was on the web." and I can either respond yeah, you should do that... or yeah but we don't have time... or yeah I was planning on it. or whatevers
Its weird to have the responsibility of leading an organization of peers. Its hard to know how to hold people accountable. Hard to know when and how to act... are we rushing? are we going too slow?
I feel like I mostly accomplished my goals socially this break. I saw a lot of the people I wanted to, hung out with my roommates some. Reconnected with old college and high school friends. Even hung out with my brothers and family.
I did not see Chris, and did not have too much time with either of the Jess's
I did get to talk to Becky which was a nice surprise... and that will probably keep me non-resentful for a few weeks.
Its been really hard to have friends who are too busy dealing with real shit... and therefor aren't available to just chill, or to deal with my bs issues. I don't hold it against them, because I see them trying... but its hard to know how to ask for what I need, when its extremely hard for them to ask for what they need.
No swings, all misses in the gf department. I feel like I have a few options that I don't want, and it makes me feel bad (hard focus) to not want, like I am doing something wrong.
Personal Projects over break:
Art day-success in that it happened, failure in that so far it hasn't reignited energy for art.
Writing: I started journaling, haven't kept it up... but felt good. Not much else...
LNAS Newsletter: Not so far...
New laptop tools: messed around with prezi today... kind of fun, but very slow going. Have not messed with powerpoint in a while.
Reading: So far good, I had a goal of reading Hunger Games before the end of the break, and doubt that will happen... but maybe next week.
Websites: starting to get to know the SoT website, didn't have time to learn dreamweaver for LNAS.
State of the Planet/Country:
I honestly have not been paying as much attention as normal. I know whats going on with the republicans, I know about some of the upcoming local actions in the twin cities... but I haven't been huge on the news lately. I feel overwhelmed as it is. I guess I feel hopeful in some places and super disappointed in others. Its hard to watch all of the bs go on, and see that only a handful of people are doing anything about it. Its not that I judge randoms for not being involved... 9/10 of the people I know are not involved, but its hard that we can't seem to break through. There are still wars, still uninsured/underinsured, undocumented folks getting harassed, addicts in need of help, homeless, unemployed, domestic abuse and sexual assault, hate crimes, and suicides by those who feel they aren't wanted... Its really all too much and I wish we could have some great victory to give us all hope... but even the victories we have are drawn through the mud so you can't tell you have won. The healthcare bill for instance, is fucking great! Its not what I wanted, but its a place to start. Yet I rarely hear of anyone who talks about it in a good way.Where is the positivity?
I don't like man-made climate change... but 50 degrees in january sure feels better than the 20s we had last week, or the negatives we had years ago.
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