Flowings of Your Everlasting Taffyman

I was sitting at Reeds and trying not to hurt, im not sure what it was exactly, maybe bittersweet beauty... but certain songs make me have certain memories... certain moods lead to certain desires... certain people, thoughts shared, situations...
I was loved once.
sometimes im brought back there, so often lately im pressed with glimpses of perhaps something of that nature again, but not immediate, some distant future thing that is different and not the same (and anyone who has ever loved persons knows exactly what i mean by that) and lately its not with someone. but everyone... and thats too impersonal when secret desires are not of lust, but rather wanting to cry over the love you share with someone. cry cuz it hurts to love deeply like that, cry because it hurts to feel accepted for the first time.
***

So often lately I am unashamed of the gifts I have been given. The one gift. and I say it when people ask, or tell me, because Im egotistical, I'm proud, I say "I know, I'm good at it, but I dont try, its the way i've always been and I love it, but you dont have to be so afraid. taken off guard... it hurts me that you react this way, because it must mean something, were you not shown attention or affection? do you not know how easily love comes? have you never been the center of a conversation? dont you know you deserve it? Dont you know you give off a beautiful quality that I cant quite capture, or understand yet? and Im not gone when you share it.. I dont have to be...

Likewise:

I feel so guilty lately. the biggest flirt. dont show a whiff of indifference. Dont be too honest. dont let them down, they dont deserve that. and if they dont show interest -take comfort, you couldnt please or ease their situations anymore than you have. you're only good once so dont let them get too interested.