Back in Morris, where yesterday and the day before it apparently snowed a goat load. Reconnected with a few cats last night with plenty more to follow I'm sure. Things change a lot but they still don't change.
I used to use that line in a negative way, but its nice to have a homecoming.
I'm paying rent for a room at Mike the Rock's.
It's funny to be at a place (all Morris student housing) where you can wake up from a night of drinking and be unsure if you are dizzy or if the floor is just uneven. Probably both.

There was a red yellow white and black centipede in my dream and it kept me from doing things people do.

I think i might have been too honest last night. But maybe not.
I got shit to do, but it will require several hours of me sitting here to wake up.

This is Becky's roommate Brian (Jupiter in January), he is a musician and hes pretty good despite it not being my style of music. Hes also a pretty interesting guy. I had like a 4 hour conversation with him the other day. Me and Becky been trying to figure out what market he will break into, because some of his music would fit on the pop music stations, and some of it would fit at like a rave or a club, but thats not really Minneapolis. Last night he played a show at their building and there wasn't many people there... he was pretty frustrated and told us he was moving to London ASAP... it was pretty funny.

Morris today?

today kind of sucks. I don't know why exactly... probably the weather. I just don't feel like doing anything. So packing, and moving to morris for three weeks seems sort of silly. The driving was shit this morning, and if I leave right now I'm sure I will hit traffic. Supposedly its snowing in Morris. The trunk of my car wont open for some reason. I think I can fit everything in the seats... but it just sort of sucks more.

Had breakfast with my dad.

I don't want to do homework.

There was a shark attack in CA.

This is a moose meditating. But everyone and their mom thinks I need to make the face part more clear... I don't have the time.. I'm sooooo busy with all my youtube watching, and other procrastination.

new crap on poetry page.

I grew up somewhere between the city and the suburbs,

a child of this world,

Minus 3/4s the discomfort,

and whats that leave?

Divorce and teenage angst,

but grunge and rock thrived

and handled those complaints.

apparently I'm writing another rap song...

Note to self: Sometimes the pain in your stomach is the muscles (the ones you never use) and they ache because you used them. Try doing it again sometime.

So While I got these pictures of my big floppy hearers up... does anyone know how you could make/insert an earing that looped through 2 holes but loops three times? Cuz I think that would be cool... diagram above... the start and end points dont really matter, but I imagine you would totally ruin your ear trying to screw that in...

Mike went to a concert last night at First Ave. These two wonderful groups were performing Doomtree and The Plastic Constellations.
Both groups were awesome!
Mike regretted not bring a camera.
It was The Plastic Constellations "final" show.
It was also their cd release party for their new album "We Appreciate You" which you can hear some of at their myspace page. They threw cardboard weapons into the crwod for their hit song "lets war" which im pretty sure i posted lyrics to on here a long time ago.
Mike lost his hearing (slightly---lasting) in this ear:

And also in this ear.

It is a little worrisome as Mike has a family history of hearing impairment.
(8 earrings for those of you counting, used to be 9. wouldn't mind more, but have to get a job)

The Plastic Constellations have always been an incredibly nice and tremendously exciting band. They will be missed but by their own admission "with so many friends, were bound to last till the end, were bound to start it again, till the end till the end." So maybe they will not be gone forever.

In other news, thanks for commenting so much!!!
but I hope you all know you don't have to be anonymous, I pretty much know only 4 people read this.

Um I have only applied to one job. I think thats all I'm gonna do before I go to Morris... get this shit done, and then start the next project right?

I hope my hearing improves... I used to go to so many concerts and it always got better...

I have this really bad habit of bringing up emotional memories when I am trying to do something important. It's like "wow I have this incredibly important and long paper I haven't started... oh I better read old love letters." or "oh geez I really need to get this application in before the deadline... I better go look at pictures of people I care about."

This girl I dated once called me childish when we broke up. I took offense at the time, but isn't it funny how we age and realize just how childish we were?
And every age feels like you are right. not necessarily because you are enjoying that age, not because you are happy or have a hold on reality... but because by comparison to what had come before...you were acting down right mature... and then after times passes... you realize mature would have meant never being at that point in the first place... but it also would have meant not having had so much fun. And you don't regret your childhood, you just see it as something you grew out of.
But I'm sure my Grampa and Grama see me as young and stupid and full of life and confusion- and I'm sure they are right. I just wish they would look in the mirror and see that they are too.

This series of photos taken at various times over the past 2 days shows my general moods.



Playful?
Staightforward
unsure...
kinda of concerned...and weird.

I just realized I have been asked to come back to every job I have ever had.
Maybe thats not a huge accomplishment but it makes me feel pretty good.

The baker square one was the funniest, because the assistant manager practically begged me. He kept saying he could schedule me on any weekends or holidays or anything I ever wanted. Weird because the turnover at the place was crazy, I'm sure he wasn't even there a year later. It was funny because I had only been there a few months and felt like a complete failure every day... but they always told me that I was the fastest learning cook they had had. I was still using the menu to remember what each meal used when I left... (they knew it too). Maybe he just felt bad about my first day as a cook... the cook I was supposed to work with didn't show up... so I was the afternoon cook even though I hadn't been trained in anyway. It was quite the day.
I hate to say it but sometimes I felt like they liked me because I was a college student. Most of the cooks and waitresses were on tough times... I think the fact that I didn't have the added stress, knew the job was not where I was gonna be for life, could hold a conversation about other things... Managers liked that.

I think Im starting to like messing around with my art on the computer a little too much. This is a watercolor and pen drawing I did today... My mom said something like... "do you just make this stuff up as you go or do you see it in your head first?" I said "a little of both."

The photo was taken on my webcam thing so its a little blue, the messed around version is actually closer to the real thing... but I dont think any of these have the right color.

There is this job I really want, but I don't think I will get it simply because I haven't completed everything yet. I'm a little behind on things like recommendations, a license, etc.
I also haven't finished my lesson plans which I just e mailed a prof about.

I bought some cool books last night (or at least I hope the will be cool).

I apparently am at my limit on the mn artists webpage... which means I will have to start actually thinking about what I put on there and which to take off.

I am seriously considering getting a real website. My mom has one... I think its nice to have everything in one place.

-----
I'm getting really excited about returning to Morris but I worry that being in Morris will keep me from getting a job here.

I was talking to my step dad about teaching overseas... I really think that if I cant find anything the chances of me leaving are fairly high... unless I decide to sub.. I also got into a weird argument type thing with Becky last night (while at target which is a story) about rooming with someone else.
She claims that we could live together. I think not. Not that I wouldn't want to, but that I cant you know... so I was throwing out all these ideas of people I could live with and she got frustrated with me -because she doesn't get why I think we cant live together.

So Target evacuated while we were there... thats the story. It was funny because we didn't even really notice. They were playing this "please evacuate" message and neither of us paid attention... so then I noticed everyone was rushing towards the door...
It was something stupid like someone smoking in the employee lounge or something.
They probably lost a lot of money.
The Barnes and Noble in Roseville is the best one... its massive, it has a used section, Italian people were meeting there to have discussions, there was a book signing... it was ridiculous.

"Plea From a Cat Named Virtue" -by The Weakerthans

Why don't you ever want to play?
I'm tired of this piece of string.
You sleep as much as I do now, and you
don't eat much of anything.

I don't know who you're talking to
I made a search through every room,
but all I found was dust that moved
in shadows of the afternoon.

And listen,
about those bitter songs you sing?
They're not helping anything.
They won't make you strong.

So, we should open up the house.
Invite the tabby two doors down.
You could ask your sister, if
she doesn't bring her Basset Hound.
Ask of things you shouldn't miss:
tape-hiss and the Modern Man,
The Cold War and Card Catalogues,
to come and join us if they can,

for girly drinks and parlor games.
We'll pass around the easy lie
of absolutely no regrets,
and later maybe you could try
to let your losses dangle off
the sharp edge of a century,
and talk about the weather, or
how the weather used to be.

And I'll cater
with all the birds that I can kill.
Let their tiny feathers fill
disappointment.

Lie down;
lick the sorrow from your skin.
Scratch the terror and begin
to believe you're strong.

All you ever want to do is drink and watch TV,
and frankly that thing doesn't really interest me.
I swear I'm going to bite you hard and taste your tinny blood
if you don't stop the self-defeating lies you've been repeating
since the day you brought me home.
I know you're strong.

So I was just looking at my art work and I think I have a real problem with A) realism B) depth in my work. I think the "depth" if there is any comes from foreground and background only... nothing that sort of ranges...
I'm trying to figure out if this is
A) because I don't have any interest in painting the way other people paint.
B) because I lack the formal training to do good work.
C) because I don't use the right paints to create the effect... like oils for instance seem to be able to do things that acrylics cant... and I don't use oils (because I don't know how).
D) It might just be because I still see the paintings as works in progress, where as when I look at other people's work I see it as a picture of something... my work is "me trying to paint" and so I see it in the 2d format that I painted it on....
E) probably all of the above.

This makes me think I should take classes again. But my mind wanders so much I have a hard time painting real things, or drawing real things, I get bored... I move on, I mix images that fit or don't sometimes just because thats what I was thinking about. Anyway, it makes me pretty self conscious thinking of myself as an artist... I mean I am an artist, but I just looked at like 30 other artists and some of them were really amazing... I don't know how to do that. I would like to include more realistic things in my paintings and keep my weird anything goes style.

Apparently I have decided to start labeling posts... we shall see how long this lasts.

The job fair was not good. It was great for socializing though.
Upon leaving I saw a "bum" a traveling man, thin legs and 3-4 backpacks full of probably all that he owned. I felt a stronger connection to him then any of the suits inside. Its one for the questioning mind.

Its hard to stay pumped though, i forget how I'm supposed to think of this as like a 3 year process... complete with low lows and endless possibilities.
Alaska? Arizona? Somewhere must want me, right?

I think James used to call her "Miss Nicole," anyway... whenever shes in my dreams there is always a strange distanced feeling, even though I usually don't notice it till I'm halfway to hugging her.

Thats the way of things.
I'm pretty sure my dreams are real sometimes, and she looked really nice and happy.

Tomorrow is the ed job fair. I'm totally nervous. I don't know why. I was fine earlier, i was talking and confident. Now I'm shaken. I might not even get any interviews tomorrow so I don't know what I'm all hyped about. I have worked in education before. I can leave it if I don't get in right?

Tour guide, writer, dj, artist, community ed, social work, counselor, student, over seas, waiter, business, shit... i thought it would be easy to think up 50 jobs i could do quick.
theres really only like 5 there... and the rest don't work, or dont pay.

"Hallelujah I'm a bum, hellelujah bum again."

I'm spending far too much time stressing and not enough time working on my portfolio.
I have to wake up at 7:00, and its 11:00ish.


Hey you look really good today. (sexy wink)

finishing up old ones... yep.

watercolors are so light... I need to learn how to make really deep colored ones. this is watercolor and marker by the way. and I think the background (which is mostly new) is supposed to be like a weird mix of mountains turn into sky... but it doesnt necessarily make sense which is why it took me so long to finish this one... it was just sitting around and i couldnt think of shit to do with it so i just did something.

Why does it feel like sunday? or sort of... i want new post secrets! alas.. no.

This dude I talked to a lot in high school has apparently been really productive the last few years... rather than giving you a link to all his separate webpages for all his projects... i will just send you here: Tyler Blanksi. I really like some of his music and have been listening to a bootleg copy of one of his cds for a few years. Anyway... makes me wish i were cool.

Um, I had all these thoughts and hopes for today... but really I should finish my resume and get copies and prepare for monday. THE BIGGEST EVENT OF THE YEAR not really but they seem to want us to think that its important... what with the 50 e mails.


Um... in other news... owning mahowney (movie) not so good... jersey girl (movie) aight... i have to watch the lady in the water now.


Thanks for all the comments people!

Facebook has this advertisement that has this picture with the words "ew. disgusting." and then some weightloss mumbo jumbo below it...
maybe its just me, but i thought that was rather offensive.

5 bucks says you cant guess what this is.

I don't really know what to say... I been sitting around a lot... time to think and dream. Its nice, I feel in some ways like I'm allowed to live a little. Sitting around is sort of like traveling to me... forces you to be in the moment sometimes. but feel free to call a brother... chances are I aint doing anything.

Turns out mike the rock may have an entire open room and possibly even a bed. throw him and his roomies some scrap and maybe i got a place to stay.
Im thinking about going to morris earlier... mostly because there is nada goin on here... and I don't really need to play any more computer games.

I guess thats it... Im gonna go play some more video games.
And sing songs about being lazy.

some other arts... the last 4 were all in the sketch pad i was drawing stupid shit in today... im guessing they are all from within the last 3 years. some i know for sure were like last summer at the latest.

I started this painting on the art day last fall... I think someone gave me the idea that day so thanks to whoever... but this will be called something simple like "the cellist" cuz thats what its supposed to be.
Enjoy...

So the first whole one...was the original and then i decided I didnt quite like it, felt the instrument and the character's leg werent quite right... im not sure if this second one is better... things are still out of order. also you can see how different the coloring looks depending on the lighting...

Part of thank you letter (St. Basil's Cathedral in Moscow)




The outline (a copy) in pencil


In watercolor, sort of screwed up a little... but this is the final copy.


The scanner allowed me to put it in black and white, and I like this a lot better... sad.


When I got home I messed around trying to bring out the colors a little. This is the computerized version.

I went to bed at like 9:30 and woke up at like 12:00 PM... thats forever. but I woke at like 12:00, 3, 8, 10 and convinced myself I could sleep more. Partially because I knew I would be bored if I woke, partially because I really enjoy dreaming.

So last nights dreams were kind of weird... because the plot changed like every few minutes and my mind was definitely trying to keep up. The second to last major scenario had me wandering around a house while everyone was sleeping... it was a large house, I couldn't sleep and rather than do things I shouldn't... I went to find something to do. I was for some reason completely naked, but with a blanket... I checked to see if anyone was awake... the house was not familiar but it seemed like I understood the layout well enough to navigate, check my e mail etc. Eventually I went back to the original room I was in, which looked sort of like my grampa's living room, only the exercise bike was on the wrong side, and in stead of two lounge chairs in the doorway there was a big king size bed.
On this bed seemed to be a girl who was crying and turned out to be awake... I kneeled on the floor and asked her what was up. She sort of turned away for a second so I went back to where I was sleeping. She then started talking to me, but not loudly enough... so I approached again.. which was uncomfortable because I was still naked under the blanket.. which I of course told her because I do that sort of thing.
I recognized who it was. It was this girl I knew in high school... she was like 2-3 years older than me, and in 9th grade I thought she was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.
She seemed a lot more frail now, less confident (crying) but shy too.. She said something about being in the middle of the final section of trying to prove she would be a good counselor... and she was super stressed and wanted to die.. and she meant it. I didn't know what to say... instinctively I knew that this girl was worth more than she said... but I didn't know her well enough to give specifics. I wanted to hug her, anything to make the truth in her words seem just a little less certain. (the truth being she actually felt that bad).
I stumbled over words for a while, but it was ok, because I was rubbing her back and she was venting, but not about the job... about how miserable she was, friends, family, work, boyfriend. The boyfriend part was something I was expecting -but somehow hurt... because of course I was hoping.
She was so close, and warm, so frail... I just wanted to make her feel better.
eventually her sister came over. Her sister is younger than me... but the moment she got there the girl jumped into her arms... and complained about how she didn't have any friends.
I raised my hand timidly.
She gave me thanking eyes and a half smile... the smile is what made me like her in 9th grade... she smiled at me.. genuinely when she didn't need to.

The next portion of the dream was weird, a new scene entirely.
I was a man, a real man... I was a stranger to her family... somehow trying to get on their good side... making wood doors.. helping the kid brother with projects. I was a big guy, the girl was in trouble, she didn't seem to be pulling away, maybe her boyfriend, I watched as my character punched the guy, it wasn't the girl, it was her sister and her teacher, she was 13 he was 20... he ran. The dad gave me a wad of cash for this display eventually... but immediately it wasn't clear that I had done the right thing.
My character was on edge. Always, trying to prove he was safe. He watched them... the girl and her boyfriend, it was like in the movies... he was waiting for his moment... I was on edge watching this "me" not being me at all... it was horrible.
Eventually we were back in that room... the room like my gramps... I was on the bed, facing the rest of them... it was like a party. the dad handed me the cash. The girl was upset... she was telling me and her sister why she wasn't good enough. it suddenly hit me I needed to tell her how in love with her I was... not because I wanted her, but just because she needed to know she had affected someone positively. But I couldn't remember her name, her sisters name, her family... who were they? why was I here? I couldn't remember anything... I kept asking questions holding on to whatever was left in my head... but it faded. I ran to the computer to facebook her to find out if she was real.. she was real... but she wasn't on facebook... there was a line for the computer they were waiting for me to leave.
I gave up.. but no one noticed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The last dream was too random to write down... something about driving and needing cash and supplies...
Im always on these weird road trips in cities I have never been to. Malls and schools I have never seen, houses that dont make sense.. These places seem familiar but also have a hint of me feeling lost in all of them.

___________________________________________________________________

Dream analysis is hard with that one... because I have hints of several people. I was talking to Rachel yesterday for about 4 hours about how life sucked... and some of it was probably triggered by that.
I think its interesting how I equate thin people with being vulnerable in my subconscious. I really don't get the whole time I was in the role of the big guy guy... it seemed really weird.. he was doing all these things I would never do... but they seemed to be the "right" things to do.
and even when they weren't... they were the right things for him to do, so no one cared.
There is a lot of splintered self images in the dream... lots of yin/yang imagery. Oh well.
I'm just writing this for me... for later.
a new post later probably.

The majority of the people who go to my poetry website are people who google "face slapping" which brings up a poem I wrote in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep and was very angry with someone. Its technically a poem trying to justify my feelings of anger, at an individual but also at myself for the things I have done in my life.
It sort of bothers me that this "deviant" behavior is in many ways exactly what I was disturbed by, and the cause of my frustration. -if you aren't following, I am about 99% sure the people who google that are fetishists, which doesnt bother me, but I have always tried to keep an open mind to what people enjoy.
The problem in this case is that it does actually bother me when people hurt each other... and its hard to come to terms with the reality that some people enjoy that kind of treatment (both being on the giving and receiving end) and at the same time knowing that many of these relationships are really unhealthy.
Its sort of the double edge... how is something that is supposed to be good and ok -like sex and trust and sharing, also something that can be horribly abusive... cuz thats the nature of the beast right?

I dunno.... this isn't very coherent... I guess I just wanted to say something about it because it weirds me out a little... -not the people, but the idea that i was writing about how horrifying stuff like that is, and then people are finding it while trying to enjoy themselves... i guess.

The best way to deal with embarrassing things is to talk about them right?





I always know when I suddenly break out that its time to change my pillow covers.
That is, if I haven't changed soaps or diet, or stopped washing my face obsessively and such.
My pillow covers are t shirts by the way, something i picked up from an mtv show when I was 16.
The most unfortunate of these "blemishes" is the one on my nose. I don't know if people know this but I'm sort of self conscious of my nose anyway, something about my family getting made fun of I think... and its just not a very nice spot to get a zit. The first day I felt fairly uncomfortable and was even thinking about avoiding social gatherings this week (not that I have any planned), but then I realized I was being a jerk... still I have taken to using my mom's cover-up make up stuff before I go to school... which is something I haven't done since I was like 13. Its also something I feel quite hypocritical about because I have told numerous people who I am very close with that I didn't think they needed make up, and that I hoped they would some day be confident enough to not wear any. So I'm a jerk. I also feel fairly silly right now (which is why I'm writing this) because I don't really have anything to complain or feel self conscious about... I'm not the most attractive person in the world, but generally I am ok with myself, and I am very satisfied with life... so why worry? I know that the people who are close to me would stand by me regardless of what I looked like and I would do the same for them because I love them for them.

But its nice to have this reminder of what people struggle with daily (not that I haven't not had acne everyday since I was 13) but its nice to be made aware that some people are strong enough to work through society's bullshit -and say "I'm awesome just the way I am thankyou very much and fuck you if you don't think so" those people are courageous and helpful for those of us who are still caught up in this bullshit.


On another note, I think I now have natural eye shadow... as a repeated cut above my left eye is now healing quite nicely... but the skin is much darker there (probably scarred) and I don't think its going to go away.

Anyway... that was Mike's embarrassing update for the week. You take care of yourself, and maybe someone else. Peace and love
taff

I just watched this movie and really enjoyed it. Something about the dialog and the suspension of disbelief necessary in seeing this as a high school movie, complete with the wonderful scene with the out of it mother serving juice and milk.

I know people are supposed to be independent in relationships. That horrible jealousy and shallow quick fixes, falling, games and all that rush... thats bad... but when I listen to this song, I understand certain loves in my life, and sort of think that maybe the emotions of a fling, or a scandalous relationship, or a hard relationship well... they are beautiful too right? and I think what I like about these lyrics, is I can imagine myself in both roles, the one who seeks to know, and the one who is sought after... and in both cases its sort of true isn't it?




"i held you like a lover
happy hands
and your elbow in the appropriate place
and we ignored our others' happy plans
for that delicate look upon your face
our bodies moved and hardened
hurting parts of your garden
with no room for a pardon
in a place where no one knows what we have done

do you come
together ever with him?
is he dark enough
enough to see your light?
do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
do you miss my smell?
is he bold enough to take you on?
do you feel like you belong?
does he drive you wild?
or just mildly free?
what about me?

you held me like a lover
sweaty hands
and my foot in the appropriate place
we used cushions to cover happy glands
and the mild issue of our disgrace
our minds pressed and guarded
while our flesh disregarded
the lack of space for the light-hearted
in the boom that beats our drum

and i know i make you cry
i know sometimes you wanna die
but do you really feel alive without me?
if so be free
if not leave him for me
before one of us has
accidental babies
for we are ...

do you cum
together ever with him?
is he dark enough
enough to see your light?
do you brush your teeth before you kiss?
do you miss my smell?
is he bold enough to take you on?
do you feel like you belong?
does he drive you wild?
or just mildly free?

what about me?"

-Damien Rice "Accidental Babies"

I might be going here tonight with



Bronchi and Nate



or at least thats the rumor.



Also you should check out this


and know that I love you.

Me and Steve went to Sioux Falls to see my Grampa.



From left to Right,
Uncle Tim
Uncle Tony
My Gramps
Uncle Tom
Uncle Ted
My dad (Terry)
This picture was taken many years ago, but it is always one of our favorites, as it is ridiculously funny.





This is my Gramps and Grama when they were young.



When they were older. She died when I was about 5 I think, My Grampa is now turning 84.


My Gramps about 10 years ago with his dog Tahoe.

I just watched this speech by Obama, and I'm pretty sure I'm voting for him now.
Or rather, supporting him, I know it's a little late to vote for him and the rest of the country will decide. I guess the switch came mostly because I heard him really speak again. I have heard many of his stump speeches, Clinton's too, but they stopped sounding real a long time ago. Obama in this speech was able to convince me again that he is real and ready to handle real things. I'm still a little disturbed by his conservative streak. His personal responsibility talk, not because I don't believe in personal responsibility but because I worry when politicians talk about it that what they are really saying is "you're cut off" and usually at the worst time.

Anyway, this speech was my college experience in sociology. It was my experience in the United States and across the world. It was good. It wasn't the most inspirational, but it was one of the most honest speeches I have seen in a while by a politician. And honesty isn't what always wins me over... I didn't believe John Edwards the way I wanted to, but I liked what he had to say. I don't always like Clinton or Obama, but I want someone to take on the real challenge every once in a while, and like he says in the speech, he could run from this latest scandal, but why not address it the way it should be?

Franken is on letterman tonight if you care.
Apparently its all fairly scripted out.

This is the movie I saw tonight, it was fairly entertaining, and like the Bourne Identity I imagine they will make a few more.





This is something Mike the rock made a long time ago... we had plans to put them up everywhere, but we had plans to do a lot of things that never happened.

Song writing is never something that came easy to me. That being said, I often find myself in love with my friend's music more so than any other... but I don't think its just because I see them play, or know their story, or hear the song in person or while in creation that makes it special... for I have found many other songs very special having never even seen the artist in person. I think its the idea that comes to me subconsciously when i listen to something beautiful written by a friend, that the beauty seems so much bigger and more universal and beautiful than any friend of mine, not that my friends arent beautiful... but that in this single act of creation they have shed light in volume to show why it is that I so easily love them. And its not because they are human, a beautiful quality in itself, something I often cherish in conversation, in tears, in hugs, etc... but rather proof truly that god has dabbled ever so gently, pushing a bit of heaven into their voice or instrument at just the right time, to connect all creatures, lift your heads life and listen.

And then I feel sorry for crediting the universe with "their" creation, but come on...

There was a worm in the tequila, that transformed into a small fly, then a cicada, a small mouse, a rat, a bunny, a hare, a camel?

The tequila was transferred from one container to another, but as the liquid left the genie took more and more space.

The strange creation somehow turned around in the small vessel though it seemed less and less possible, its camel like nose somehow reaching with teeth drawn, then tongue stretching to reach for air or that vile liquid. We warned him not to get too close, but didn't know what to say to the ancient spirit. Does one rub or break the bottle? And how does a spirit like that get caught in a bottle of Jose it couldn't possibly have been in there for more than a few months.

Spring break seems a little overrated so far... mostly because i have barely left my house.
Not much goin on i guess... gonna return some videos I rented. Maybe do some homework.

played like 5 hours of civ today... what an accomplishment.

I half-dreamed slept about killing people for about an hour, thats not normal is it? Wasnt anyone in particular, i just don't think i should let myself get bored if thats the kind of thinking that will occur.

Not that I think addictions and things are a joking matter, but I think when Im bored like this, overindulgence seems like a friendly option, and that saddens me... mostly because I assume many of my friends have this thought every day.

I was trying to find something cool to put on here... but I havent been painting or drawing lately... Basically I havent been doing much of anything. My room is a mess... im in the long process of cleaning it. I bought a suit today. Its fancy.

9 days left of student teaching. Currently its spring break. One more thing teaching has over other professions.

Still dont know where Im living when i head back to morris.

Have you heard of e-prime? I think it would be really hard to talk that way, but maybe one day I will try.

Im still pretty sick. I feel sicker today than the past few days... but thats cool. Just a cold afterall.
My room cant really get that clean.. I dont have a dresser so I use the book shelves, but then I dont have space for all the books, or cds or movies or art supplies... I pretty much need an apartment.
Becky moved into these art apartments... they are pretty awesome... If she wasnt living there, I would think about it.

I use to write poetry
listening to this song,
the rain had only moved me in so many directions once or twice.
and the piano notes tugged each neural paths away.
while Craig spoke in nostalgics, I reminisced about blankets and longing
but if words alone never could save us,
then maybe its time to seek salvation in something higher,
stop longing for the girls of America,
flirting with soft eyes,
spitting my white noise.

Steadily coming to the realization like Charlemagne and Holly.
that these lovely dreams -
were just the first night(?)

One more glorious night in Morris... fun and frolic...
not a whole lot of worry, cept my own shit.

Today has been driving, sleeping, Chinese food with family, deodorant from target, thinking about all the ways I could die, homework, I have at least two lesson plans to prepare for tomorrow... Im guessing I will stealing a powerpoint from the online community on Africa... and playing a game with the kids in Econ.

I have all the modern global homework grades after several hours of exhausting page turning... up next econ... and oh there is a hell of a stack.

"Its too late for liquor but we could get some 3.2."

bout to head off to Morris with 1/3 of my grading done...
that means a lot to do when I get back.

I didnt write any journals on moodle this week... I should probably do that.
I have the topics picked out... just didnt write them.

Me and becky got in a fight last night in about 3 minutes... it was sort of ridiculous... its been a while but it felt the same, except now I feel a lot more wise, confident and comfortable with myself and my positions.
still... having not heard from her yet, and leaving on a bad note. Makes me feel pretty uneasy.

Its hard when something challenges my notions of how reality is... but I spose thats good for me.

I'm sort of only going to Morris because I promised people. I don't really care about the concert anymore.
Oh well.... I must seem a bore, you enjoy yourself and know that I am.

teaching is kind of awful.... the moment you get caught up with one thing, a whole new unit or wave of work comes up.
I might be more ok with that if i had things prepared a month or two ahead of time... or if i wasnt doing homework for school too, but as it is... im about 2-3 weeks behind in lesson plans... I am barely getting through each day... and the grading is piling up constantly.
I brought home about 50 notebooks to grade tonight... plus 30 quizzes... and that meant leaving 30 5 sheet packets, and 30 other packets for a later date.

I have two classes taking tests tomorrow, but since neither test will take more than 20-30 minutes I need to plan for an hour of class time... and I am supposed to have individual conference time with each student... but who knows if that will happen.
I want to sneak at least 1 day of history of the Americas in... and I think that will be tomorrow... but I cant very well have them read and do worksheets for an hour... there will be chaos.
So...
part of the problem is that when I leave them alone, they don't seem to get it... or they don't care and they start getting all fussy....

When i put a lot of effort into something it sometimes works out, but most of the time doesn't seem to matter... so why bother right?

argh... fuck it... i gotta go back to doing work.

Me and beckrila saw a movie last night that was very amusing but painted a portrait of teenagers being pretty dumb even though the point of the movie was also to promote teenagers and how capable they are... i felt like whoever wrote it was very removed and only used stereotypes of the culture. I also felt like maybe they were so far removed (or the screenplay was written so long ago) that they were often entirely inaccurate... which annoyed me. Still it was a cute movie.

The theater creeped me out a little. But I think Im on edge.

Yeah i must have really low blood sugar or something... im just not in the mood to be happy.
One of those days i guess.



My step brother is in the hospital after a surgery, my mom has asked me to go check in on him... i feel like it would be a really fake gesture... im 10 years older than the kid, we have never talked for more than 10 minutes... im not saying im opposed to having a relationship, but i think its a really fakey thing to do to show up at the hospital as your first brotherly action...
I feel very much like holden caulfield or whatever his name is.



I had a dream about giant intelligent two walking lizards that were trying to take over the planet.... they were fast and smart and evil... but you had to give them some credit for being so on top of things.

(from mike's school journal's)

Economics

So after staying up late to grade papers in which most of the students end up getting better scores than they deserve (because it takes too long to actually grade every little thing), and noticing that the failure rate on tests, or the low grade rate is pretty high (though our last test was pretty good, very few C’s lots of B’s and D’s). After having two very hectic history periods (everything accomplished, but stressfully).

And noticing that none of the students had bothered to do the reading, and didn’t understand the concepts very well…

I was a little fed up. So when they went off to lunch, I passed out 5 worksheets and 2 quizzes on each desk.

When they returned they were shocked to find all these colorful sheets of paper on their desks, and began complaining.

When everyone returned I asked how many students felt stressed- Many raised their hands. Then I asked them a series of questions about their age and preparedness, and how much time they were putting into school. After which I reminded them that they were all 17-18, were eligible for military service and could easily be killed in a conflict they don’t understand in a country they can’t find on a map, would be tried as adults for any crimes they committed, could easily fall into debt, could fail out of school etc… and then told them the truth about why we teach… We don’t want these things to happen, without them knowing the consequences beforehand. We want them to understand the things that are going on in their lives, and want them to be on top of the circumstances that seem to push them around. (I was more articulate then I am right now).

Basically I said these things and explained why I was frustrated and then gave them the sort of peace offering… I am here to help… etc… but I am also new to this and need their help, their commitment etc. And then I said they could use their notes for the quizzes, and that the worksheets would be due on Monday but that they could get extra points for having them all done, and that the real reason they were due Monday was because the test was on Tuesday and I didn’t want them to have extra work that night.

I’m not sure if I got through to them, but they paid attention the rest of the hour, and when they had time to work, several of the students who struggle in the class came up and asked questions…

I like to think of it as a temporary victory at least.

Well maybe i was just waiting for krystin to post...
actually I dont really know what to put on here anymore, right now at least.

I left for work at 6 this morning and got home at 5:45 and that is how my days will go for the next few weeks.
I just took over my third class, so now i am totally unprepared and behind all the time, instead of treading water... its a nice tipping point to say "ha, you thought you were screwed before? well we can really screw you now."

I also had my first phone conference with a parent today.
It went well.


I was thinking about posting some pictures from morris this last weekend, but many of you have seen boring morris pictures, same people, same locations...

I was thinking maybe i could post a picture of my overloaded backpack every night... each day it seems to get bigger... and technically is.
but you wouldnt be interested in that.

I cant post paintings or drawings or poetry, because I haven't had time to write, draw, paint in weeks... I can't tell you about friends or other thoughts because well.... i havent really done anything other than school... I spose i went to morris... and it was fairly awesome and just what i needed... not to mention other people were stressed with homework so i actually got work done there while having an intellectual and social refresher... and dons and china...
-yeah that was all pretty kick ass..

but the life is busy.... and not so exciting...
I think im fairly stressed but doing aight...
I did swear at the radio in my car today, but only because jason lewis is such a fucking asshole...

this very conservative motherfucker was going on and on about how the mn legislature was trying to raise taxes during a recession time, which is unheard of according to him... but what he failed to mention was that the taxes were going to reimburse all the budget cuts that pawlenty and other repub assholes have forced the state to cut... such as environment/park up keep, and road/bridge upkeep... of course jason lewis is the guy who champions the tax cut coalition, which opposes all taxes out of principle and thus even when the tax is for something important like a fucking bridge, he hates the idea.... he also called pawlenty a moderate... which scared the bejesus out of me... cuz if pawlenty is a moderate what the fuck is a conservative?

and on the other hand.... you have the "I could have lied" argument...

"There must be something in the way I feel that she don't want me to feel, the stares she bares cut me, I don't care, you see so what if I bleed? I could never change just what I feel, my face will never show what is not real."

My students quizzes tests and reviews are all tallied up and the average (mean) is around a B on tests, F-C depending on the class for the map quiz and A-B on the review... this is ok, I mean the range is pretty dramatic in some cases... but on average I would like to see B's at least.

____________________________________________________________________

On a personal note.


Today I was wondering what I would tell a young person if they ever asked (because they wouldnt)
"Do things matter less when you get older?" or something to that extent... I remember freaking out about every little thing when I was younger, and I was a guy described as calm... so i imagine everyone else felt the same... as if the tiniest drama meant the world, and furthermore things like the way you would rank your favorite bands, or knowing about them, or seeming cool/smart etc...

Does it change?

Does it matter less?

No not really, but you feel it less intensively.

You are more aware that it is not the end of the world. You are more ok with gray areas... you expect them, and you learn to expect down times, failure and rejection to some extent. This can make you bitter, numb, less energetic, less passionate... it can make you want to mosh or dance less at a concert. It can make conversations that would have swept you off your feet before - be reduced down to a nice warm feeling and a smile. But does it still matter? yeah it does, we just don't admit it as much -perhaps because we have learned it makes us seem young.

and thats not cool anymore...


-a nice quality of morris and college was the ability to admit and be these things when ever one felt like it... this is something i don't think you can get at larger schools... where you express these feelings in cups of how many beers you can drink, and girls you can sleep with.
Morris is nice that way.
but its pretty much over... and now another transition to learning new ways to dumb down our energy so we can seem "cooler."

Mike being an idiot:


I don't really have any time right now. I'm barely getting my work done, I never see my family, and I have seen some of my best friends only a few times in the last few months. I do hang out with Becky a lot, and we sort of comfort each other, but its very clearly going nowhere "further".... meaning she will not be in a relationship other than friendship with me.
We have been through that, its not something she sees working.
Thats hard for me to understand, but its very easy to see that that is the way she views it.

I don't know where to meet people since school is basically done. I see a lot of people at the highschool, and it seems like a lot of them are married or in relationships. The other guy my age in my department is constantly given crap/help from the rest of the staff for not finding anyone.

I'm just having one of those days/weeks where it seems like you wont ever find anyone.... fucking valentines day...
makes me think of far too many possibilities, and far too many happy past experiences and nothing to look forward to.



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


Krystin said I should talk about caucuses, since I made her do it.

we had about 175 people vote, a small room, full of white people -which weirded me out. I got two resolutions passed. they voted obama overwhelmingly... I dont know who i support yet.
it was really fun, im a delegate to the next round... march 8th for us. I really need to go on from there though because that way I can help my brother.

Speaking of that.
It was my brother's birthday two days ago...he is now 26 (im 23 months younger)... we were sitting at dinner, with his girlfriend who everyone loves... shes gonna be a lawyer... the two other people were both campaign workers... one worked for keith ellison, the other amy klobuchar... I was sitting next to three major manager types for major players in the democrats... (franken being an up and coming) it was weird to see how nerdy and normal they all were... no egos... because they dedicate their lives to someone else... but if the person you hang out with every day... your boss, not your boss's boss... but you know what i mean... someone you give advice to is on the news everyday.... thats gotta be interesting... and i had three of them next to me... and they were not more fascinating than the average bear. (good people, just not crazy)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

School....
Im grading tests and quizzes and review packets... they are all fairly substantial parts of the grade.... Im not sure what I need to be doing to make it easier on these kids... they are struggling though. I cant imagine what it must be like to be in a school where the students dont even have text books... i mean not reading them is one thing, not having them is another.

*************************************************************************************

Im a be ok...

I had a dream last night in which i was at a train station in germany, with money in my pocket and nothing to do for 2.5 months... i had no plan. I asked how much to amsterdam? Copenhagen? I was surprised how clear the map of europe came through in my head, I wanted to go north, then east, to the places I hadn't been... and it seemed simple enough, a day or two of planning and I was off.

but these are the dreams I have when I'm disappointed.

###################################################################


I didnt make it to morris this weekend, part of it was because I was scared of bad weather, part because I was scared of being exhausted. Part was because I was lazy.

I missed the play, I missed things I should have been there for, and miss people.

I got to celebrate with my brother instead... that was at least nice.

Some sort of mold, fungus or chemical has been eating away at my brain cells for a few days... i dont really know how to make it stop. I tried to clean, it didnt seem to help. My rents are coming home today, I really hope they know some magical way to make it go away...
in other news I will be caucasing in about half an hour. I am trying to become a delegate at the mn DFL convention so that I can help my brother out.

I checked out the other dfl candidate today and honestly... he seems pretty good too... Im not sure who I would vote for if I didn't already have the special interest (family).

The main things that impress me about franken are his stage persona (IE he comes off as likable, funny, honest, fairly warm) He seems passionate. He seems to want to really talk to people about the issues and convince them why its important to be a strong liberal.

the main things that impress me about ciresi are his debating ability, his fairly clear message (although they are very close to the same) and his record of standing up against big corporations.

I think ciresi seems to be the more politician-like of the two... however I loved that Al took on the right wing in his books... I loved the political SNL stuff, I love that he did Air America and went around the state discussing issues with people... i love that he visited morris a few times...
I don't think I have a problem backing Al for these reasons... but his heart centered message is only half the debate -> ciresi has done and said the right things as well....

anywho...

either way norm coleman is a douchebagasshole

Well I wrote a couple of journals about the school stuff.... but didnt think yall would be so interested...

What am I doing?

Well today my goal is to finish off a powerpoint covering a chapter in the history book... and write about 5-6 lesson plans so that when my supervisor pops in... I will be ready enough.

This week I will be teaching 2 of the 85 minute classes full time.
The other class I will be teaching some of... mostly activities (part of the hour)..


I been watching some movies... I saw this movie called Amazing Grace which was about ending the slave trade in Britain, a subject I know little about,but it was a pretty good movie...

Um but mostly I been sitting around playing a lot of solitaire and hearts....

Becky has been visiting over here and its been really nice... but she and I see things quite differently which is hard for me.

my room is a mess...
my kitchen smells like mold and is making me sick... but I dont know what to do about it... because I have already sprayed everything down... and I think its either in the sinkdrain... or in the laundry shoot (which runs through the kitchen). Im gonna wait till my mom gets home on tuesday.

Does anyone know if I can caucus on tuesday in st. paul if my license says im a morris resident?

At this point I guess its franken and whichever democrat seems to be winning... Im impressed by Hillary's experience and Obama's ambition... but I worry about both of them.

ann coultier even says she would vote for hillary over mccain... which is weird.



hmmm yeah i dont write anything down in here anymore because i dont have anything going on.

Being afraid of the dark, and being in a big house all by myself is not really my favorite thing. The wind makes this old house creak. The little dark areas...
I see things, I make up things, I hear shit.
I spend hours in bed each night thinking of every horror movie or reasonably scary scenario I can think of.
I get very little sleep because I tend to take a nap after work... and then im up till 3... and then im awake at 5:30 to do it again.
I would not say my days are unfulfilling. Im actually really enjoying being in the school and at this point I imagine I will really enjoy being a teacher.

There are many people that I feel a great need to be in contact with, but I am so undependable... I dont want them to get their hopes up and then me let them down.

tonight more homework... presenting at least one or two things tomorrow...

???tomorrow???

http://www.alfranken.com/content/videos_caucus

you should check this out for sure!

My days are very slow when Im not working. During the week it seems very fast, troubled to cram everything into the few waking hours I have left. But today and yesterday I have spent most of my time sitting around playing hearts and solitaire, listening to the blend... which is a great band....
Tomorrow is a work day but no students... its time for grading and preparing.
-makes it hard to get excited about doing work tonight, if im gonna be working all day tomorrow on it.

Me and beckrila saw cloverfield last night... im not gonna say anything bout it.

apparently i get to watch live free or die hard tonight... the movie is based on my life... lets see how much of it they got right.

"A dove is a glove
That I wear in my heart
And though I like to dress smart
It doesn't have any part of the world of fashion
And you're there to put me down
And I'm sick off the frowns that follow me around
I would like the sky but there's no reason why
She'd say to this world with the nose of a girl
Turned up so loud that it rings
sings the cloud
I've never been here and though you're physically here
You're pushing me away
to decay like the day that I loved
There is a girl, blabbing nothing outside my window
What do I have to show
To a world that the only way to destroy
Is to die like a baby boy
I could be happy in infinity
Of the space of my eyelid
But I know I'm somewhere else
Where the words on this page
Are better than the scribling nonsense they are,
And it would be real,
And I eat my last meal
Wish that I could feel
But now I don't even know
if I'm real"

a little john frusciante on drugs.

school report # 3

Small Successes
Well the plan was originally to observe for two weeks and sort of help out where needed. This meant a lot of down time, running errands and eyeing the students whenever they got off task. It was fun, but not quite engaging. It also meant that I have had to do a lot of planning for the weeks to come but that will probably be my other journal entry.

Two teaching moments:
A)These were not set out lessons so I haven’t written lesson plans, in reality it was more like a moment where something needed to fill in the space and help students who were not relating to the material.
In Modern Global (world history) we have been discussing genocide, a topic I am rather familiar with as a student of history and anthropology. During the unit the students were asked to read 1 of 4 packets concerning a specific genocide and then fill out a table with relevant information concerning the topic. They were then asked to jigsaw with students from the other groups. As I walked around during the first hour, I noticed that the students were doing the bare minimum so that when I asked them questions about the reading they wouldn’t be able to answer. There were also several students who were attempting to lighten up the mood by making jokes about the topic (which I assume is because of their ignorance to the situation rather than actual disrespect of those who were hurt). I continued to walk around asking simple questions of the students, “Who was the leader?” “What groups were involved?” “Was it a conflict between ethnic, religious or political groups?” the students did not respond well. Towards the end of the hour I put up extra instructions on the board, asking them to make sure to discuss these issues while sharing the information with their peers. Overall it was a frustrating period. During the time in-between classes I decided that it would be necessary to give further instructions at the beginning of the next class period. I wrote additional questions on the board, gave specific instructions to read the entire packet rather than just find the answers, and reminded the students that they needed to be sensitive and respectful about the topic. This second class responded much more positively and I believe a large part of their response had to do with simply laying out the expectations for them.

B) Having had a lot of experience traveling and studying conflict in the world, I decided that much of what these students were missing from the exercise was some way to relate to it. I decided that it would be beneficial to bring in pictures (I took) from various locations, which I presented along with a spoken word recording from a popular band, and some stories about my time traveling to these places. I believe this description reminded the students that these were real places, with McDonalds and normal people like them. Many of the students responded very well to this demonstration though I had put little effort (due to time) in putting it together. There were no fancy transitions or videos, just slide show pictures a normal person would take with a camera… this realism reminded them that many of these events happened during their lifetimes, and that many of the people affected by these tragic events are still living (and suffering) today.
-Had I had more time or prepared for this unit, I might have made this into a power point presentation, but I was surprised how little extra effort it took to impress the students.

I ended up presenting it two both my history classes and another teacher's class... all the students now say hi to me in the halls... smile at me more etc.

Its cute how being real and honest leads to good responses... this is the kind of teacher I want to be. Not afraid to discuss the serious things, willing to relate, willing to give and open up, -willing and understanding enough to push students to do the same.

School report #4
Sorry these are long, I think I get a little carried away on different topics.
I found out today that one of the teachers at the highschool is actually younger than me, but has been working there for 2-3 years. They all seem so much older but I really enjoy the friendly dynamic between the social studies department members. They aren’t always the most professional, but it makes department meetings more interesting when someone is joking around.

That was a side note.

I have been spending most of my time preparing for the next term which starts Tuesday. The plan was to follow Ms _______ the first week (of the next term) as she lead with the first class and I lead/co-taught the second class, but I have already begun jumping in with the class that finished today. I even had several students say they would miss me though I have done very little in the classroom. It seems easy to connect with them when the age differences are so vast between me and my cooperating teachers, I guess the students feel naturally more connected to me because we can talk about the same music, and have shared (relatively) the same time period growing up. I think they also perceive me as being more patient with them, but I get nervous that I will vent my frustration with them more when I am under more pressure to perform. (So far I have felt very little nervousness in front of the students).
Anyway, what I meant is that I think Ms ____ approach is different than mine and though I appreciate her suggestions on tightening up on the students, I actually feel that so far my methods of patiently explaining why they need to be quiet etc, have been more effective. Of course I know that much of the reason she occasionally snaps at students (She sometimes gives little warning before sending a student out of the room) is because she has already explained her expectations and feels that they are purposefully seeking attention and that they ought to know better.

Well I guess that explains where I am at with discipline so far. I have a hard time following let alone enforcing rules that I don’t necessarily agree with. I think this will also become a problem as the students will most assuredly test me more when I am in a higher position of power.
I will most likely update that situation as the time goes on.

Preparing a curriculum:
It is difficult working with two teachers; I often don’t have time to discuss things with both of them though this situation is improving. I have been invited to use whatever materials they have and because they are both seasoned teachers they have a tremendous amount of worksheets, quizzes and tests. I am hoping to find some more 1 day projects to keep things active, but in general I am feeling very comfortable with the fact that if I don’t find/create something new, there is a prepared standard to fall back on. With the modern global classes I will begin teaching the second week (I believe “week 4 by our calendar) and continue on from there possibly till the last week or two. This is mostly because the units flow into each other, or because I worry about breaking up a unit to switch teachers in the middle of things, but I feel fairly confident that if I approach Ms ____ for help she will be there to either aid, or take over for a day here or there. (I don’t think this will be a problem) Already I am thinking up small items like music, videos, pictures, art, stories and primary sources to add to the curriculum, I also am hoping to bring in some projects but much of this will rely on the students’ ability to keep up with the fast paced curriculum and assigned readings. (I have been warned that they will not do the homework)

I have had my doubts about opening up the established curriculum to more world influence, because much of the time that will be lost would have had to do with important European/Western ideas, events and history. This is worrisome because the students don’t seem to have a very good understanding of history, at the same time they seem to be more intrigued by the exotic, so a day here or there to open them up to the world doesn’t seem inappropriate. It also gives me a chance to challenge the notion that Europeans and the West are the center/most important players in history which is something that is important to address in our country –to acknowledge the wealth of experience, culture, achievement of other nations at a time when it is very easy to become America-centric.

ECONOMICS
I have been researching the subject matter I will be teaching and feel more confident with taking it on. I have yet to really work out the exact order of what I will do during my 3-4 weeks of full time teaching, but in general Mr. ------ and I seem to be on the same page and his easy going nature and fairly light standards in the classroom give me a lot of confidence that I won’t be neglecting the students education if I have an off moment in the class. Still, already I have stepped up a few times to discuss the nature of a term or concept which seemed to help them understand.
When I say light standards, part of what I mean is that I am becoming more aware of the failure/grading standards of teachers in the school. Mr. ------was happy to see that several of his students had increased their efforts to get some work in before the final test, but had told me earlier that anywhere from 6-12 students were in danger of failing in just the one class. The remaining students were ranged mostly in the C and D range. This really bothered me because I felt like there must be some disconnect between the Teacher’s efforts and the student’s efforts. Today I talked to several other teachers who told me they tend to fail anywhere from 3-15 students per term (between their three classes). This still bothers me, but the fact that it is more widespread reminds me that in many of these cases it is not the teacher’s neglect but a student’s lack of effort OR inability to maintain the grade (usually due to out of school events).

During this past term (ended today) between Mr. ---- and Ms ____ in the 3 classes I have observed about 5-10 kids failed and there seemed to be about 3-5 students who dropped out as well.
these are required classes so they end up taking them again or getting GEDs.

dont you hate when you get a ton of sleep.... but still feel sleepy?


my room is a mess. I think I need an apartment just so that I have space for all my shit.

I told one of the teachers im working with that I'm glad she swears sometimes (thought she doesnt do it in front of the students) because i swear a lot.