Quick notes.

1) Does the dryer even work? My clothes are damp like in Europe, I wonder if my friend has a setting on there to make them not get too dry or something…

2) I got really paranoid in the last 15 minutes.. the basement is kind of creep, all basements are… but it’s just like, someone could be down there and I would never know. The front door has multiple locks, but does the back? This room seems to have a fake lock. I’ve felt completely safe in New York until these last few minutes and now I keep thinking about someone being in here… creepy.

3) by day one I had already started feeling the loneliness… but it’s getting stronger every day. I’m checking in with friends, my brothers, my mom calls me daily… but it’s the thing of wanting a partner. It’s seeing so many couples and families. It’s seeing so many beautiful people and being like, I want one. Yes there is some possessiveness, it’s not entirely all love based, I’m also lusting - even with my totally exhausted by the end of the day, and mid day sweating sticky don’t touch me vibe. But definitely a feeling of, where is my love? How come everyone else gets one and I don’t kind of thing. The past time I traveled alone was the Baltic’s I think, and I remember everyday being like, why are you doing this alone?  

There is something kind of existential about it. Not just not connected, but like alone alone while completely surrounded by people. 50 thousand people in the park picnicking, holding hands at the museum, riding in the horse carriages. Where is my other half?

Seeing so much can feel amazing and beautiful and eye opening, but can also make you question what you’re doing here on earth if you don’t have anyone to share it.