So every once in a while I take an edible. Orange is original (I was not looking at my keyboard at all). Blue is sober translation when I felt it was necessary to make sense. Green is sober commentary.
Maybe I am just finally having a glimpse into the life of Alex Grey
Anyway into his theory of infinite mirror, because if G-d wants to demonstrate true absolute infinite authority over all that exists./.. then it is to make infinite mirror upon mirrors, each new choice mirror a thousand times through each new possibility ex[ansion in multiple dimensions, because the tiny little moment ex[amds in all different directions so they keep multiplying and the expanse happens into all finfifintie infinities (The word infinite gets hard to type repeatedly)
yu cannit di a wring thung you cannot do a wrong thing, because each choose just expansive into the infinite liltuode multitude? of splintering possibilities
there isn't ecem even a right choice, or a right path, etc one makes y-d aja[[y as itnsp[oliters into spa ima ex[amacxopms/... Honestly have no idea
its really like hella beyond the mind, infinite repeating infinities spanning in eacydirection, no wrong anythings... follow the music,birbintoons vibrations, the creschending next thing, no matter what it is.... just amuse in its version of the truth...any action we choose is ok.... there isn't a right a d wdogng.because F-d cipirtalises G-D capitalizes on them either way my mind likes to doubt this reality but the truth in its totalitiynis gotta what I find,..... wen I do ill bind it to my brain..
there had to be an Adam, and a skim, and a derrick.
because each infinites is n ifitjes expender....m expander... a multiplier by an infinite... !!!! fuck
each moment of guilt for each moment, is only adding or subtracting. and it doesn't matter...none of it is wrong. enjoy the wrongs! ha ha ha that was a moment. .. neither adding or subtracting,
a dimension of the vibration.... trying to keep top with the flow is no t am eddy dstrtogvypm
and in the end.... a cartoon jingle, a all spice commercial, like I was saying... jamming, bouncing off each other, each percussive... so expansive. the has been going on since there was a since. snaking though since, so much contact all this bumps... all those bruises from the expansion, there must be some damage thfloatig through... each bouncing and each expanding.....
Which would mean all the thought out theories, every single one of them, is also true they are all true as they all expand the universes... infinites bouncing, multiplying,
You can choose any path you want, even all the good ones, and the G-dof it all smiles... good for you he beams when you complete with a 1000 score, no wrong answers there are flll spoof....LLLA Alll good.... alll good, the score infi
nicely multiplies, and each fight is a smile ....a boy an awe a
nd oimmer glow......
you could choose a blessied life or a cursed and it wouldn't tarnish it no bit...
all good all good all good....to the one who knows... the real knower.
the secret one who ais all and sees all and sits beside all... all good.
This theory was really heartening for me last night. This idea of the expansiveness of infinite multiplicity. So that there can really be no wrong thing, each decision only creating new infinite possibilities that G-d enjoys regardless (as they all demonstrate the capacity... if the capacity for creation is the thing, then all choices demonstrate it. No good or bad, all just ways of categorizing the various types of expansion. Its a nice theory. This morning, I was thinking again how much being high and science/spirituality have in common. Were any of these theories possible without mind "altering" experiences? Do these drugs (as Russ would say) act as tools to help humans grow, intended only for those who can translate the language of the visions? Or are they a natural aid, to help us see the reality that our day to day doesn't allow us to see, but that is real none the less? Or is it just that they offer a unique way of experiencing the capacity of the mind, its limitations, its possibilities... there may only be one way for that set of neurons to respond to that particular input, and it is to see repeated rectangular shapes behind the eyes... you know? Like maybe this is just how the human brain processes while being impacted by that set of chemicals... its all pretty fascinating.
Anyway, the spiritual-scientific theory I was hyping on does have one downside if viewed from a selfish personal lens, which is that we are all special, and therefor from a lowly human perspective, not special. Protestant Christianity appeals to that one part of your heart that says "hey you, you're my flavor, come have a relationship with me." and that doesn't really have the same impact when its like G-d in it's infinite all knowing/seeing/understanding/being capacity, has a personal relationship and enjoys the infinite possibilities of you, and all equally so. Not good or bad choices, so also not good or bad you. Ego. I guess. In the space when I was high, that didn't matter, maybe slightly left of my ego self. I was just as happy to be a slime, as I was to be sitting on the couch, or eating peanut butter on crackers. Everything was good after all.
I remember the reason this theory came to me was that when I am high I often feel things as vibrations. It is very much like that ocular game where things fly at you in patterns. Well, when I am listening to music, or watching someone talk, the vibrations approach me, and I often feel like I have to dance, or move with them, get into the flow of it... It is not dissimilar to how I am naturally at a good concert when I can just let go.. no need for THC then, but while high, it feels like I cannot do it wrong... and then I wondered am I following the vibrations, or leading them? Am I aware of them before they happen? EG I often respond to my phone even when it is on silent and my eyes are closed. I respond to the intuitive vibrations sometimes before they happen. It's all instantaneous after all. But this experience makes me think that good music, art, conversation, etc is in line with these vibrations, while "bad" is out of line... I basically dance move around the house when I am high, and try to stay within the vibrations, usually all with my eyes closed. But then sometimes I test it. Yes. And once in a while I find that being out of alignment just shifts the vibrations to new possibilities.... hence, no good or bad. Just new possibilities. Hence a universe that is in flow all the time, and when something blocks or hinders, or changes the flow, it just shifts to respond, infinitely so. A new thought, a feeling, a choice, a death, a resurrection, all just new possibilities to smile at. Hence the oh you feel guilty? cute. reaction.
I haven't been writing much lately. I guess in my head I would like to write more. Maybe like a poem a day kind of thing. But I am in routines in which I feel a little exhausted and soothed by the lack of responsibility or need for productivity. I am feeling happier than I was a month or two ago. I think working through some things at work, in therapy, etc. But it hasn't necessarily translated to new behaviors, just new ways of responding to the same old. Like laughing at everything again. Like recognizing I don't need to attach to wounds, mine or others, like acknowledging these feelings have a place, but not giving them the whole room. I find myself in the same patterns, but they don't feel soooo bad. Would I like more? yes, but I think I am shifting my inner vibrations first.
When it comes time to write every day or week, I just don't seem to have much thought out to say. Maybe I am spending all my time distracting myself instead? Maybe watching Netflix and playing games, and that classic vice have all removed me from being present in my boredom, my restlessness, my sitting in a room each night for 5-6 hours while the world passes me by.
I dunno. Just haven't felt like actually writing, though I wish I had something to show.
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