This weekend has been kind of weird. Very low key, but also like I am trying to avoid things.
On Friday I found out another of my coworkers is leaving, and though in the long run, its probably a good thing since they were pretty burned out, in the short run, it will be very stressful.
On Saturday my Dad introduced me to a show called "Warrior" on HBO. So I have been binge watching it. Also, been watching AOE Hidden Cup Tournament (other people playing computer games).
Today I chose not to respond to friends, and just relaxed. I didn't do laundry, but I am fairly prepared for the week.
No big philosophical ideas. Nothing major...
But it does feel like I am anxious underneath. Like things are happening without my approval, and I am afraid to acknowledge them. I had a thought today that M is pregnant. It's a weird thought because I can't imagine her current relationship is working out very well... and yet, why wouldn't it be?
The only other thing that happened this weekend is that I read this erotic romance story, and felt the polar feelings of loneliness and hope. Had that thing where I was like, "of course I can just meet someone, and then everything will turn out differently." and then just a lot of "holy shit I am no where near where I thought I would be at this point in my life, why don't I have kids? Why don't I have a partner? Why am I so annoying to myself in my own little apartment that I have to check out all weekend and watch bullshit?"
Both of those feelings and thoughts.
Ediya says be patient. Anything can happen, and it will be fine by you. Because you'll respond with playfulness... I sure hope that could be true.
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