There are few things in life that have made me so profoundly happy for no reason.
When other people try to put words to it, I scoff, I roll my eyes, because the words are so inaccurate to what they are really trying to say that it seems like an insult, the impossibility of it is so profound that they shouldn't even try, its demeaning.
And then I am holding you, and something tugs in the most joyful and irritating way. I want to be swallowed up, and also I want to run. The slightest twitch and I forget everything about myself. The slightest movement and my whole world seems completely unimportant. You inhale and exhale too quickly, and roll your eyes, or stare at the light, and this can't be right, because I could so easily panic.
What if something happened?
And then a minute later, I am back to the conversation, you are a living weight in my arms, and as long as I am being gentle enough, and I am always gentle enough, then it seems like maybe you could sleep, and maybe I could too.
And then again you kick, or yawn, and I am lost with you in my arms, wondering how to get myself back. It makes sense why no one can pay attention to anything else, how people forget themselves mid-sentence, how people would do anything and everything. How incomplete our family has been.
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