2:40 AM

I spent most of the evening working on various online projects and watching a lot of comedy.
I updated a resume, looked up a lot of jobs and websites for jobs in south america... did a bunch of other stuff, like looking up the readability score of this blog (apparently it ranges from about 7-11th grade).  None of that is why I wanted to post. 

Its spring and I am excited. I see more people out and about, and can't help but be reminded that the world is beautiful. People are beautiful. Life is beautiful.
It leads me to all sorts of human feelings of longing, of lusting, or general fantasies of reaching out for connection.

Sometimes I watch the online videos of this professor lady I met on okcupid and had one skype chat with. She teaches communication which is something I am interested in, and she uses tons of funny clips so the videos are actually rather enjoyable. But I also like them because I wish I had gotten to know her more, and the videos give me the chance. So she has at least 1 course entirely online, and I watch each lesson as it comes out or a couple weeks after. Sort of like auditing the class... 
anyway I was watching one tonight and she said something that made me want to look her up on facebook...but when I did I found out she was engaged. I think they met right around the time I "met" her, and part of me is like wow they move quick... and part of me is like, damn I'm so jealous.   

I can always right it off, because she is a dog person. But I feel like I have really fallen out of touch with how normal things work. 

I am preparing to leave the country for between 6 months and a couple of years.  What am I doing?



In other news...
 Today I saw an older gentleman with a long white beard and long white hair tied up at the top of his head. He was wearing a pink shirt, and a pinkish orange skirt, and rollerblades.  He was drawing in a sketch pad. He was polite to the barristas. He had a presence like he was in the right, even though he looked ridiculous. An attitude of "don't you think I know what I am doing?  Haven't I earned the right to wear whatever the fuck I want? and fuck you"  kind of all rolled into one.
Except for the part of him not being a hunchback like me, I was totally wondering if I was seeing my future self.  If I live long enough, I hope to some day rollerblade or more likely skate, in whatever the hell I want... 
but I suppose I did that like a week ago...
I hope to grow a big white beard.