all power to the people

I feel like I need to write a handful of apology letters. Letters describing my absence and the reasons behind it, but in sympathetic terms, in the terms that make connections possible again. 

I could write to someone and say... you must understand the overwhelming circumstances I have found myself in, between raging storms and hard rocks,  poison and pointed blades... none of my choosing, all of my choosing.

But the truth is so simple, it takes more energy than I care to purpose in your direction and at the end of the day I'd rather flirt with what can never be than tease you, leave you, tethered and trailing behind wondering how often I can turn around to catch up on what is between us. 

Bitter

searing

I am attached to all the wrong energies and celebrate the wrong occasions. 

I wish people would move on from me so I could care and complain and never have to deal with the reality that maybe I couldn't care effectively enough to support our relationship.