Been posting a lot of music lately. I'm not at work so I am listening to NPR/MPR a lot. I think if I wasn't a teacher I would listen to it constantly and probably be a member and what not. I have been thinking a lot today about the choices we make and how they influence our lives. Last night I was also listening to the radio and heard a version of "Edelweiss" that was really beautiful and I started singing it in my car.
In Jr High choir I learned the song. I never played an instrument in school, always choir a couple years of it with my teacher trying to get me to do solos. In 6th grade Ms Black asked me to try out for the MN boys choir.. I remember going to the audition and freaking out. I think I used the excuse that I didn't like any of the music to get out of it... I'm wondering if the money commitment was what lead my parents to let me get out of it. How different would my life have been if at 11 I had joined a touring choir?
Within a year or two I was convinced my voice was shot forever (even though my music teacher thought I had the best range in the class). I didn't like that he was trying to make me sing baritone and bass when I could still sing tenor and even alto parts... Tenor parts are so much more fun than baritone and bass parts.
Towards the end of 7th grade we watched Evita and I decided that I loved musicals and wanted to be a performer. I had joined the theater club but never wanted any of the parts. I was always too afraid to take roles I didn't know, and I didn't know many... so I ended up on the crew for two years, but continued to do summer camps and things. I was a pirate one year in some terrible play. I was Lysander in a Midsummer Night's dream 8th grade I think.
By High School I was convinced I had lost my voice entirely, so I joined the improv based theater classes but never took part in any of the plays. I tried out for several of them, but always chickened out and told the director I didn't want to make the time commitment, but would help my partner out in the audition. It was my way of saying I am too afraid.
Sophmore and Jr year I started performing poetry and songs at open mics, but only when I felt I had practiced enough. Still I always freaked out at the shows. Some people noticed though, I had poems published in the arts magazine, and some musicians started asking me to accompany them during open mic performances. Later in Jr year a band made up of pseudo-friends asked me to join as a singer. But I was never good with the timing and only had the chance to play a few shows.
In college I did open mics. A few songs, but mostly poems. Its been the same since.
I annoy my roommates and probably the musicians down stairs are wondering who the hell is screeching on notes well out of his range upstairs.
I also took voice lessons which felt great in a way, to recover some of what I lost, to recognize I still could... but it dawned on me that my breathing is not fluid enough to really be a singer. I don't have the lung capacity.
My mom is always saying we don't sing enough during church, because we are too afraid to make mistakes or stand out. I think that's probably the case. If I played an instrument well enough I would at least be able to say "oops its hard to do two things at once" but singing seems like something that should come naturally.
I was thinking it might be nice to work on some songs for our annual benefit. It would be fun to do different styles a more theatrical piece, a folk song, a rock song... who knows.
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