Its the first night of my break, meaning I got off work at like 2:00 today and chilled with my coworkers for a bit before we ran away still planning-shouting things from car to car.
I came home, I checked my email and fell asleep. I woke up to Lacey texting that tonight wouldn't work, something I had assumed at that point, but my mind worries because of the nightmare I had last night.
Its the first night of my break and I can already feel my self confidence disintegrating.
I have tasks to complete but they seem small when faced with the vast amount of space in my calendar. Things already don't have the same happy edge.
As is often the case, my mind races to these moments of drama, the self created all in your head no one else is paying attention kind of drama. My eyes seek texas plates and there is something about being denied that drives me crazy. Makes me angry, bitter, self conscious and a little too contemplative, but I don't even know what I am looking for, these day dreams are not helpful, they promise a kind of edgy excitement that doesn't last, except in my misguided head... and flip a coin whether I want a call or not. But I can't keep my mind from wandering to that direction. That's the kind of unhealthy shit that keeps me in my head and not in relationships.
So what about excitement? Well, I could go to the progressive dinner tomorrow, perchance to have a decent time (probably not) and on the flip coin chance that a crush is there.
I could go on a road trip, but I don't know where to, and who is available (probably not anyone).
Tasks,
I got the possibility of some interviews next week with americorps cats we'd need to mold to do some bullshit. I got some email conversations to decide who and how we will make a math teacher out of our prospects. I got the idea of organizing and cleaning the treehouse (one of the offices at work) my folders and books all out of order... will be again by a month into next year. I got the desire to redesign or give some context to Men's class, often neglected till the last minute, could use a partner to do so. School officially starts back up the 22, which is what 5 weeks?
I got leadership training from the 24-30th or something. I am somewhat excited and somewhat unsure why I am doing this now.
and that's really it... I guess. Lots of space... I know I wanna read a lot, and it'd be nice to get confident with some art again, or do some writing. I spose I could try to learn a language or get in shape. I could play some music, record a poem or perform somewhere. I could play some comp games, organize some settlers, or pick up a new hobby.
I could go get some coffee right now or see if the smoothie place is still open.
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